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My question is: For those of you who stay friends with exs, what is your relationship like after the breakup? Do you talk regularly? Was there a lengthy transition period? Did the friendship just fade out? Do you have "rules" for these situations?
It's pretty normal for me to stay friends with men I date. I've never had an issue with it and one of my closest guy friends is an ex. My other exs and I are in contact occasionally to catch up and sometimes we'll hang out with mutual friends.
Last summer/fall I dated someone for a short period of time and we eventually ended it on good terms. He asked if we could stay friends and I agreed. He sent me a friend request on Facebook and I accepted. He obviously has my number, email, messenger, etc.
The weird thing is that he rarely talks to me. Someone asked me about him this past weekend and I blanked because I have no idea how he is or what he's up to. It's been about 2 months since we've communicated, and the last contact was my reply to an email he sent (he didn't reply back). After it was brought to my attention, I emailed him Monday and have heard nothing. While I haven't paid much mind to it before now, I'm starting to wonder why he asked to stay friends, or if this is just normal post-relationship behavior for other people.
Probably varies from person to person. He might have other things going on in his life but wanted to remain on good terms with you simply because.
Yes, I'm sure it does. I'm probably abnormal in the sense that my exs comprise my closest circle of friends.
I would understand if he didn't want to be friends, but I don't understand the initial pursuit of friendship if he doesn't really want it. I guess thats why I'm wondering if his behavior is normal and my expectations are off.
I try not to burn bridges and stay in good terms with everyone I've met. But I don't have time to keep in regular contact with most people unless they're really close to me. My second to last ex was real close to me and he made it a big deal that we be in regular contact and not fade out. I probably talk to him every 1-2 weeks when I can.
My last ex wanted to stay friends but he hurt me a lot so I said I'm not ready to talk to him again yet, but I wanted him to know I have nothing against him, and if I feel up to it, I will try and be friends with him again.
I try not to burn bridges and stay in good terms with everyone I've met. But I don't have time to keep in regular contact with most people unless they're really close to me. My second to last ex was real close to me and he made it a big deal that we be in regular contact and not fade out. I probably talk to him every 1-2 weeks when I can.
My last ex wanted to stay friends but he hurt me a lot so I said I'm not ready to talk to him again yet, but I wanted him to know I have nothing against him, and if I feel up to it, I will try and be friends with him again.
I'm the same way. Just because it didn't work out romantically doesn't mean a friendship isn't possible.
I'm guessing he wasn't really ok with the breakup and just stuck around out of curiosity. Bummer.
I would understand if he didn't want to be friends, but I don't understand the initial pursuit of friendship if he doesn't really want it. I guess thats why I'm wondering if his behavior is normal and my expectations are off.
Sounds normal to me.
I'm "friends" w/ several of my exes on fb, but usually only make contact a few times a year, if that. And for those, yes, it's taken many years to get beyond all the emotional crap. Gotta give it some time.
For me, running into someone and being cool is one thing, but there's absolutely no planned "hang outs", because I know that would definitely just lead to some sort of awkwardness or funny business...Even after all these years.
I'm still good friends with my high school/college boyfriend. I'm also good friends with his wife. It took a few months for us to make the transition - but we were best friends before we started dating so we already knew how to be friends. My ex-fiance and I stayed in contact for a few years - but I sent him a message a few months ago and he hasn't written back. Not a huge deal to me as we really weren't part of each other's lives anymore. A lot of my exes live far away - so we're Facebook friends but not much more than that. I'd say that I parted on fairly good terms with most guys that I dated or had relationships with - but I've been with my husband for 11 years so it's been quite awhile since I broke up with anyone! I guess that means I've been friends with my high school/college boyfriend for over 20 years! We met when we were 12!
I think his behavior is totally normal. Sad as it sounds, I tell all of the guys that I part ways with, "Of course we can be friends." But this is just to soften the blow and make it feel less hurtful. You gotta admit that hearing, "We can still be friends." sounds alot better than, "I am not attracted to you physically, emotionally, or mentally. I no longer wish to continue letting you be in my life. K Bye!" lol
My question is: For those of you who stay friends with exs, what is your relationship like after the breakup? Do you talk regularly? Was there a lengthy transition period? Did the friendship just fade out? Do you have "rules" for these situations?
It's pretty normal for me to stay friends with men I date. I've never had an issue with it and one of my closest guy friends is an ex. My other exs and I are in contact occasionally to catch up and sometimes we'll hang out with mutual friends.
Last summer/fall I dated someone for a short period of time and we eventually ended it on good terms. He asked if we could stay friends and I agreed. He sent me a friend request on Facebook and I accepted. He obviously has my number, email, messenger, etc.
The weird thing is that he rarely talks to me. Someone asked me about him this past weekend and I blanked because I have no idea how he is or what he's up to. It's been about 2 months since we've communicated, and the last contact was my reply to an email he sent (he didn't reply back). After it was brought to my attention, I emailed him Monday and have heard nothing. While I haven't paid much mind to it before now, I'm starting to wonder why he asked to stay friends, or if this is just normal post-relationship behavior for other people.
From a guys perspective, this could be a few things.
1. At the time, being friends helped him get closure, along the lines of what one poster put regarding mental, emotional, physical rejection, but at least she still wants to be 'friends'.
2. He may be dating now, and he may feel contacting an ex is inappropriate while dating. Some people feel that contacting/ responding to an old flame while dating is asking for trouble/ inappropriate.
3. He may still not be over you, therefore creating distance is the only way to get to a point where he has neutral feelings for you, regardless if he currently feels 'too good', or 'too bad' about you.
More than anything, at the time, he wanted to be friends to help himself get over the relationship, but sometimes just knowing that a friendship is possible is all that is needed. Actually acting on the possible friendship is a whole other animal. Easier said than done.
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