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I honestly don't believe children is the problem. Single parents automatically assume we are children hater if we reject them. honestly, this kind of mentality will get them nowhere.
before I date my single father boyfriend, I have been warned by many.
baby mama drama / his kids will always come before me / money issue / I will never experience any first with the man I love
I was very realistic about this and had absolutely no problems with it.
to be completely fair, the single father I dated KNEW how to balance my needs and his kid. He does not spoil his daughter and the little girl is absolutely adorable. Problem is his intrusive parents who still live with him and refuse to leave. He hasn't cut apron string at the age of 38. so the problem is HIM, not his child.
However, since now we have been split for 2 days. all of sudden, he run around telling people I cannot handle his child which is a complete lie. It always comes down to "she canot handle a kid because she is selfish, immature, etc"
somehow, single parents status become a protection shield for delusional men who refuse to man up and face their own reality and responsibilities.
plus, these kids have a father, and a mother. To expect the step parents to spend any money on these kids is unreasonable.
A person who already has kids is something different marrying someone in that situation. I guess I was saying that those without kids are sometimes naive about the challenges of being with someone who already has kids.
As far as your sidebar...my own thought is that people get too heavily invested/blinded in the relationship to see the faults of the partner. The person's ex-wife/ex-husband is frequently demonized.
I have to say that i do give you credit for not calling childless people who date single parents selfish/immature, and all those judgmental words. Naive is a good word, surprisingly.
but I fully believe that single parents are naive in this case too. They expect
a. My kids come first - like it or not, it is our rule (this is unreasonable) For minor kids, people are suppose to date around the parental schedule, this is totally understandable, but if you expect your date to spend money on your bio kids, you are crossing the line
b. you need to love my kids as much as your own (this again is totally humanly impossible)
in time, maybe, but this shoud not be a requirement. can you love any random kids walking in the mall as much as your own?
and when the two split, don't accuse the childless people as children hater. If they truely hated children, they would not have dated single parents to begin with.
I honestly don't believe children is the problem. Single parents automatically assume we are children hater if we reject them. honestly, this kind of mentality will get them nowhere.
before I date my single father boyfriend, I have been warned by many.
baby mama drama / his kids will always come before me / money issue / I will never experience any first with the man I love
I was very realistic about this and had absolutely no problems with it.
to be completely fair, the single father I dated KNEW how to balance my needs and his kid. He does not spoil his daughter and the little girl is absolutely adorable. Problem is his intrusive parents who still live with him and refuse to leave. He hasn't cut apron string at the age of 38. so the problem is HIM, not his child.
However, since now we have been split for 2 days. all of sudden, he run around telling people I cannot handle his child which is a complete lie. It always comes down to "she canot handle a kid because she is selfish, immature, etc"
somehow, single parents status become a protection shield for delusional men who refuse to man up and face their own reality and responsibilities.
plus, these kids have a father, and a mother. To expect the step parents to spend any money on these kids is unreasonable.
I get so upset when men tell me I must hate kids because I don't want to date them. It's almost they are delusional because they don't realize others don't want to deal with drama, financial and everything else.
I have to say that i do give you credit for not calling childless people who date single parents selfish/immature, and all those judgmental words. Naive is a good word, surprisingly.
but I fully believe that single parents are naive in this case too. They expect
a. My kids come first - like it or not, it is our rule (this is unreasonable) For minor kids, people are suppose to date around the parental schedule, this is totally understandable, but if you expect your date to spend money on your bio kids, you are crossing the line
b. you need to love my kids as much as your own (this again is totally humanly impossible)
in time, maybe, but this shoud not be a requirement. can you love any random kids walking in the mall as much as your own?
and when the two split, don't accuse the childless people as children hater. If they truely hated children, they would not have dated single parents to begin with.
reasonable expectation goes a long way
This is bull crap. Trying telling an adoptive parent that they would love a biological child more.
My daughter has no father. My bf has been in her life since she was 3 1/2. He loves her just as much as the son we have together. He will tell you she is his child and he willingly provides for her, regardless of not being her biological parent. I have always thought he continued dating me because he was so attached to her.
This is bull crap. Trying telling an adoptive parent that they would love a biological child more.
My daughter has no father. My bf has been in her life since she was 3 1/2. He loves her just as much as the son we have together. He will tell you she is his child and he willingly provides for her, regardless of not being her biological parent. I have always thought he continued dating me because he was so attached to her.
you need to relax
again generalization gets you nowhere
I said in time maybe but you cannot expect everybody feels exactly the same way.
I know people who adopt kids and they love these kids to death, but not on first day.
I love my ex's daughter and parting from her is harder than parting from my ex.
This is bull crap. Trying telling an adoptive parent that they would love a biological child more.
My daughter has no father. My bf has been in her life since she was 3 1/2. He loves her just as much as the son we have together. He will tell you she is his child and he willingly provides for her, regardless of not being her biological parent. I have always thought he continued dating me because he was so attached to her.
you compare apples to oranges.
adoptive parents want children.
THEIR OWN children.
you cannot compare them to step parents. compltely different concept
THEIR OWN children.
you cannot compare them to step parents. compltely different concept
Exactly, not to mention that stepkids are proof of his previous past, unlike adoptive kids. The step mom or girlfriend can never escape the idea that he had a life before her and experienced things she did not. I know someone will say "but everyone has a history". Sure, but not all of it is going to affect our future like kids. He may not want more kids if the new wife does, or if she doesn't then she is often paying for something that didn't affect her. For instance in many states they take in consideration the new spouse's income for child support and some states require the step parent to pay if the couple divorces (and childless/parent marriages have a high rate of divorce).
well, I myself have dated two single fathers. One single father says, "I will never date another single mother because she will never put me first."
Even though I was and am not a single mother myself, hindsight being 20/20, I can see NOW that the statement is a big red flag. He obviously has entitlement issues and double standard. Shame on me for not spotting the red flag at the very beginning.
after been on this forum for couple of days, I noticed that single parents who refuse to date another single parent is not that uncommon. Just out of curiosity, why would a single parent refuse to date another single parent?
This is pretty much BS if you ask me.... he can have "baggage" such as kids but she can't.
I just use the term baggage generically, so no need to get huffy people......
I really think the idea of single parents who don't want to date other single parents is an interesting topic for discussion, because it only seems natural that single parents would relate to each other. I was really looking forward to seeing discussion about single parents who don't want to date other single parents, too bad it was hijacked by childless folks complaining about their problems dating single parents. It's not like there aren't already a few dozen threads on that topic out there already.
Oh, well, bramhabull117s thread is more interesting anyway.
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