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Isolating can take different forms. It takes two parties though for it to happen. Those on the outside can only speculate though.
I've known a couple situations where one half of the couple wasn't allowed to do things without the other one present. So if Mary is my friend, but I can't ever see Mary unless Jim the jerk is present, well eventually I'll pull away. That sort of describes one situation I knew about. Another situation involved a grandfather never being able to interact with his kids and grandkids unless his new girlfriend was present.
That's how my sister's marriage went. She was never allowed to go anywhere without her husband, and since he never wanted to go anywhere, neither did she. We'd make plans to do something, and I'd get a text from him saying that she felt sick and couldn't go. She wasn't sick, she just wasn't allowed to go to brunch with her sisters.
That's how my sister's marriage went. She was never allowed to go anywhere without her husband, and since he never wanted to go anywhere, neither did she. We'd make plans to do something, and I'd get a text from him saying that she felt sick and couldn't go. She wasn't sick, she just wasn't allowed to go to brunch with her sisters.
It's called domestic violence.
He doesn't need to hit her, to be abusive. Some say emotional abuse is more damaging.
Isolating the victim is the No.1 tactic of abusers and a massive red flag.
The victim will lie also, to cover the abuse. You cannot trust them one inch when they say "everything's fine". It's all part of the syndrome.
If you have a friend who is not "allowed" to go places by her SO, she is being abused, make no mistake.
He doesn't need to hit her, to be abusive. Some say emotional abuse is more damaging.
Isolating the victim is the No.1 tactic of abusers and a massive red flag.
The victim will lie also, to cover the abuse. You cannot trust them one inch when they say "everything's fine". It's all part of the syndrome.
If you have a friend who is not "allowed" to go places by her SO, she is being abused, make no mistake.
You in danger, gurl!
Is this different, in your opinion, than expressing concerns about spouse's relationship with what another poster here called a 'toxic friend?'
I know as adults we should all be immune from peer pressure or whatever you want to call it, but sometimes I think one can turn too blind an eye to a friend's behavior in the interest of keeping the friendship alive...and that that can impact your relationship with your spouse.
So perhaps the conversation isn't about limiting contact but about the negative behavior itself.?
Is this different, in your opinion, than expressing concerns about spouse's relationship with what another poster here called a 'toxic friend?'
I know as adults we should all be immune from peer pressure or whatever you want to call it, but sometimes I think one can turn too blind an eye to a friend's behavior in the interest of keeping the friendship alive...and that that can impact your relationship with your spouse.
So perhaps the conversation isn't about limiting contact but about the negative behavior itself.?
I think the conversation should be about boundaries.
Boundaries in not letting your "friends" influence you and therefore your loved ones in unpleasant ways, and boundaries about one spouse respecting the other as an intelligent individual who conducts their outside relationships with the same decorum and common sense they conduct themselves at home.
The only time there is a problem is when someone oversteps a boundary. You need to respect and trust your partner and their decisions, bottom line.
I could call a person who is willing to appease their SO and put up with carp/negative influences from friends, a pushover and not very bright nor desireable as a partner in the first place.
So many relationships fail because one party says "I love you, you're perfect, now change".
I see often the notion that one spouse tries to controlling the other by "isolating them" from their friends/family. It's almost universally decried as abusive.
I often wonder if that behavior is painted with too broad of a brush. What about these real-life situations...
When your spouse's friend is a chronic liar or cheater or the like, and your spouse gets dragged into the drama?
When your spouse habitually overindulges in, say, drinking when with this friend (i.e., the sloppy 'mommy night out' scenario)?
When your spouse routinely returns from time with this friend in a horrible, nasty mood?
When the friend refuses to acknowledge you...and wants time with your spouse exclusively as if you're not even married?
These aren't uncommon situations I hear about and have experienced from time to time.
I know the first step would be to talk about these situations rationally and not jump right into trying to limit the time the spend together, you know...focus on the behavior and not the person, etc. but what about after that? Wouldn't it conceivably be appropriate to put on the table the notion of limiting contact? At the least, questioning what the value of the friendship is versus what it does to your relationship with your spouse?
I guess I also see that the in the situation of the mommy's night out, that is just as much about the spouse, and their desire to engage in such behavior, as it is about the friend. Perhaps a suggestion about reframing how the friendship ultimately works might be helpful. But if they didn't respond to that, why would they respond to a suggestion of limiting contact.
What is wrong with a friend wanting some exclusive contact with the friend? Of course they should acknowledge you.
You can "express concern" all you want, but you cannot limit contact. Your wife is a grown woman.
I get rowdy with one certain friend when we go out. It's fun. Of course, she doesn't ignore my husband ...
If you express your concern truthfully, and your wife cares about your feelings, she will take care of the problem. It may not be in the way you want, and she may still see the friend, but hopefully she will address it.
But you are not your wife's parent.
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You in danger, gurl!
