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I am very very lost and confused. I am turning to an online forum, because I can't talk to anyone about this. I have been hiding it from my family and friends.
I started working at this job five years ago and instantly had a crush on one of my co-workers. I never pursued anything because both of us were in relationships. He had a live-in girlfriend and they ended up having a kid. Things were rough for them and she left him. It was on and off after that. He tried to make if work and get her back, but she didn't want him back. I sometimes wondered what he did, but left it at that - wondering. Being in a long relationship myself, I always thought that it was just a crush on my co-worker and that I would wake up one day and it will be gone.
But that wasn't the case. My feelings got bigger and bigger as time went on. I was jealous when he would talk with other girls in the office and if they were flirting with him. It would annoy me. I wouldn't show it, but it was eating me inside. I even thought about me being with him. How would it work, he has a kid - I don't have any kids. Recently, he started openly flirting with me. I really wanted this guy. I have wanted him all along. Is it possible that I can have him at the end? We went on a Saturday night date, lunch date, middle of the week dates... I broke things off with my boyfriend. The night I broke up with my boyfriend is the night this guy stopped giving me attention.
Now, I understand that he didn't want anything more. I understand that I was just another girl that he could sleep with, but for me that wasn't it. I really-really wanted this guy. I made myself completely vulnerable and would have done anything to be with him. I tried to give him space, thinking that maybe he is scared to get into a relationship with me thinking I might go back to my ex.
My problem is that I see this guy every day, but Sunday. I pretend like nothing happened. I don't let him see that I am hurting inside. I can't wait to leave the office so that I don't have to hide my pain. My family and friends think that I am hurting over my recently ended relationship, but I am not. I would want nothing more but to be with him.
I am well aware that I should have never allowed myself to get involved with someone in the office, but I did. I thought about it long and hard, and knew that it was wrong but still did it - Hoping deep down that it would be one of those stories where it all works out.
I don't know how to deal with this!!!! Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
You seem to have slept with someone who doesn't care about you very much and cheated on your boyfriend several times in the process. You said that you didn't pursue your crush on him before because "both of us were in relationships," but that did not seem to matter when he turned his attention to you. My guess is that he knew you were ready to have sex with him whenever he finally needed it.
It sucks that you hurt yourself in the process, and probably your ex as well. There is nothing to really "do" or "deal with," except to wait until you stop hurting. I don't see any point to pining over him or hoping he will turn out to be good for you. I think all you can do is deal with the mess you made by throwing yourself at this guy.
You seem to have slept with someone who doesn't care about you very much and cheated on your boyfriend several times in the process. You said that you didn't pursue your crush on him before because "both of us were in relationships," but that did not seem to matter when he turned his attention to you. My guess is that he knew you were ready to have sex with him whenever he finally needed it.
It sucks that you hurt yourself in the process, and probably your ex as well. There is nothing to really "do" or "deal with," except to wait until you stop hurting. I don't see any point to pining over him or hoping he will turn out to be good for you. I think all you can do is deal with the mess you made by throwing yourself at this guy.
I am very very lost and confused. I am turning to an online forum, because I can't talk to anyone about this. I have been hiding it from my family and friends.
I am well aware that I should have never allowed myself to get involved with someone in the office, but I did. I thought about it long and hard, and knew that it was wrong but still did it - Hoping deep down that it would be one of those stories where it all works out.
I don't know how to deal with this!!!! Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
JustJulia said it beautifully.
Live and Learn girl and in the future, try not to let your fantasies/crush cloud your judgement.
You cared more for this guy than he ever did for you and part of the reason is because your fantasies portrayed him to be someone that he clearly wasn't.
One of the best websites I know for relationships is BaggageReclaim, start reading some articles there and it will help you.
There is an episode there when Don Draper bonks his secretary and immediately regrets it.
Act like her. I think she threw a cup at him or something.
She ended up with a good reference and a new job.
Don't act like me - carrying on like nothing happened. You'll end up with no reference and no job either.
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