Marriage - I don't get this... (date, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend)
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People spend way too much time worrying about what other people are doing when they should be worrying about their own lives (which are usually far from ideal).
I don't get why people don't want kids, not just marriage
Let's not forget that marriage nowadays is a joke, though. That is, the laws behind it. A marriage "certificate" is about as binding as... well actually there are few things in our laws which are as not-binding as marriage now. On top of that, you can get shafted and have to pay alimony for no reason. And the man will probably have his kids taken from him and be made to pay child support. It's just rife with the chances to get monetarily and emotionally screwed over, even if the other parent/spouse is the cheater/bad one. You could be a freggin prostitute and stripper and people will still be like "well, that doesn't mean she's a bad parent", and she'll still get custody because she's the mom.
Now if more people would get their heads out of their asses and start realizing that they can sign pre-nups, and that the pre-nups can even spell out beliefs and statements and moral declarations (think: "Should I cheat, I shall consider myself an unfit parent. If I should initiate divorce, I consider myself an unfit parent.", etc.)
I think alimony in most cases is complete bs and think many dad do get screwed when it comes to the kids. I do think divorce is too easy and should be stricter when it comes to kids because so many divorce for lame reasons and it screws up the kids. I get divorce in cases of abuse or cheating but have heard so many stupid reasons for divorce.
I believe that marriage is one of the cornerstones of society, but I speak out against people marrying in Colorado every chance I get, because I have seen too many people (men AND women) be totally raped by the "Family Law" system here. We need a marriage strike (which is actually what is happening), to get the legislators to finally wake up and realize that people are choosing not to marry because they have made divorce too painful and onerous.
Children need fathers and mothers, and if the father and mother split, that doesn't mean the father or the mother should be marginalized out of the child's life by stupid child custody laws that favor one side over the other.
People who divorce need to be *divorced*, not tied together financially by ridiculous alimony laws. Lifetime alimony is common in Colorado.
Until things change, people will still be wondering why the marriage rate is dropping like a rock - the reason is staring them in the face.
A person who is not having luck finding a good mate to settle with or a solid long term relationship might take the stance of "I don't want that anyway, the whole thing is awful" and have the whole "sour grapes" approach. This person deep down feels that they have failed to have something they should have, and it's the rest of humanity's fault.
Some people are hooked on that new squeeze high and don't ever want to give that up in favor of a comfortable LTR that eventually ceases to be a thrill.
Some people are terrified of being cheated on.
Some have given up on humanity almost completely.
Some men are afraid of being used for money, some women are afraid of being used for sex. Men don't want to lose their kids if she decides the grass is greener elsewhere, women don't want to be treated like property. Men think a woman will curtail their freedom, to some extent that may be true. Responsibilities can tie a person down. Some are wary of obligations. Some women don't like or want kids, or don't want to mess up their bodies bearing them.
And our society has been trending for decades to place more importance on the individual than the group, and our neverending competitive consumerism has most of us convinced that the point to life is gratification. These things are counter intuitive to the sacrifices required in a marriage, especially once kids come along. Even a good marriage is challenging, and people are getting to the point where they don't want to put forth effort for things that are hard.
I consider my marriage to be a reasonably good one, at least most of the time, but I'm still very much on the fence about whether it will last. I'm in this to raise these kids. My husband is in this to have his needs and wants taken care of. We have a rather serious conflict of interests at the heart of things that may one day resolve itself in a divorce...but probably not until the kids are grown up. Quite simply because my needs are things he can't comprehend, let alone meet, and I didn't have a goal in life to be a man's favorite possession, to exist to provide for his happiness. He is a grown man. He should be able to take care of himself. He's the one who wanted marriage, not me. And I'm not interested in any kind of alimony or anything, I just want all of our debt gone by the time I go, if I go.
But in a more "traditional" society, I wouldn't be working full time and THEN coming home and doing all the housework, raising the kids, the budget, etc etc for four people. He would be providing and I'd have an obligation to give him comfort in his home. I could accept the role he seems to need of me if I weren't expected to go out and work full time the same as he does. Men want to complain about how marriage so vastly favors the woman...but I'm sorry, in many circumstances it just doesn't always work out like that anymore.
Showing my age but I want to repeat what was touched on earlier: when it became socially acceptable to have (multiple in some cases) children out of marriage the idea/concept/reason for marriage started to disappear.
I've had students who have had a kid every year from 8th grade through Senior year and their parents haven't blinked. I've also had high achieving, high aspiration students get pregnant right out of high school who've spent the next decade trying to figure out what happened to all their plans. This would include the boys who were the sperm donors, too.
I believe that marriage is one of the cornerstones of society, but I speak out against people marrying in Colorado every chance I get, because I have seen too many people (men AND women) be totally raped by the "Family Law" system here. We need a marriage strike (which is actually what is happening), to get the legislators to finally wake up and realize that people are choosing not to marry because they have made divorce too painful and onerous.
Children need fathers and mothers, and if the father and mother split, that doesn't mean the father or the mother should be marginalized out of the child's life by stupid child custody laws that favor one side over the other.
People who divorce need to be *divorced*, not tied together financially by ridiculous alimony laws. Lifetime alimony is common in Colorado.
Until things change, people will still be wondering why the marriage rate is dropping like a rock - the reason is staring them in the face.
Lifetime alimony is just an excuse for being lazy. There is NO reason for lifetime alimony. I was looking at the videos on YouTube about Florida's alimony laws and was astounded to find out that many new spouses (mostly women but some men)actually had to pay alimony to the spouse ex. Meanwhile the lazy ex refuses to work.
I believe that some people need to be married. I feel that it is a personal choice.
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