Marriage - I don't get this... (single, kids, ugly, divorces)
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So here's what I don't get. Why are so many people so anti-marriage to the point that they think that nobody should ever get married and they can't wait for it to die out (which I highly doubt it will). I understand not wanting to get married - I really do. We all want different things out of life. But while I don't think that EVERYONE should get married - I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them? Some people really love being married. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
Well, it's good to remember that they're likely on the Relationship Forum because they suck at relationships. That's the first thought. Their social skills are usually on par with a turnip. So they crap on things where they fail because it makes them feel better about themselves. People who go bust playing blackjack in Vegas never think it's because they're lousy card players, either.
Second, many make the classic logical fallacy of looking at the particular and drawing a general conclusion. In other words, "My friend's marriage sucked, my brother's marriage sucked, so they all suck." It's sort of a pubescent nihilism that makes its author sound deep and worldly even when he is not.
Third, they made really awful choices in their own marriages, so they think marriage is for suckers. This third example is more understandable, but not really a choice.
To me, the classic stupid argument is "Well, 50% of all marriages end in divorce, so why even try?" Wait a minute. You mean that if you had a 50% chance to have a lifetime partner in life, someone who would have your back, be your companion, confidante, and soul mate, you wouldn't take it? Hell, I've been married to my wife for 22 years and I would marry her again in a heartbeat. But if MrsCPG were hit by a bus tomorrow, I likely would marry again after a few years once I could pick myself up off the floor. I certainly wouldn't rush into matters, but people who have successful first marriages tend to have successful second marriages. Because they enter into the institution with the right attitude and wisdom.
Finally, people look at unhappy marriages and say, "Whoa. Not for me." Well, that's kind of dumb, too. Because marriages do require a bit of work and a great deal of unselfishness. However, if both partners go into a marriage with the right attitudes it's just the greatest thing in the world.
What Yellow Jacket is forgetting is that it's the CURRENT, LEGAL scheme that makes marriage such a crap shoot like that. In this special circumstance, he's right. He's OBJECTIVELY right. I, as a guy who believes in marriage, AGREES with him.
But it's not always been like this, and isn;t in some places.
Back in the day, there was actual fault divorce only, and no "child support" if SHE cheated. So if SHE cheated, SHE'D leave and that'd be it. Nowadays, women are basically PAID TO LEAVE.
No. You fail in life all the time. I failed on more than one occasion in my life. You get up and dust yourself off. For example, I've failed on many occasions in business BUT unlike marriage, business has a direct upside for my life. So I still deal in the business world. I'm not afraid to fail in marriage and I'm sure the same can be said for many other anti-marriage people. Why ruin what I have just so I can complicate things? Just because you aren't afraid to fail doesn't mean you have to invite even more structure just for it's own sake.
No. You fail in life all the time. I failed on more than one occasion in my life. You get up and dust yourself off. For example, I've failed on many occasions in business BUT unlike marriage, business has a direct upside for my life. So I still deal in the business world. I'm not afraid to fail in marriage and I'm sure the same can be said for many other anti-marriage people. Why ruin what I have just so I can complicate things? Just because you aren't afraid to fail doesn't mean you have to invite even more structure just for it's own sake.
I was just reiterating what your post said.
I dont want to get married, but its because I beleive marriage is an outdated construct. While I like to make my opinion known, some people just dont want to hear it and prefer to learn the hard way. Which is also their prerogative.
I do also accept there is a small amount who will succeed at marriage.
I'm not scared of it at all. That's not what I was saying. It's useless and irrelevant to me. It doesn't benefit my life nor does it add anything to my life so why do it? It just adds more avenues for failure and complicates things. You need to be better at understanding what I say. It goes against my values as I value individuality. Marriage is not about individuality.
Marriage is what you make of it. I'm not trying to convince you to get married and have children since I firmly believe you should not do either - I'm just showing you the error of your reasoning.
No, he's right (Yellow Jacket), the legal scheme is screwy and only creates the potential to get screwed over. And there is little benefit. There's even little family-raising benefit; you could write your will out to your kid yourself, and you can just lie to hospital staff about being married so you can see your spouse (though it may not be a lie, youre just not LEGALLY married) in emergencies.
There is no rational reason anyone would take up the CURRENR, LEGAL scheme of marriage.
Now, what marriage is SUPPOSED to be, and how many people still treat it, is something worth having.
I dont want to get married, but its because I beleive marriage is an outdated construct. While I like to make my opinion known, some people just dont want to hear it and prefer to learn the hard way. Which is also their prerogative.
I do also accept there is a small amount who will succeed at marriage.
It wasn't an accurate reiteration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Marriage is what you make of it. I'm not trying to convince you to get married and have children since I firmly believe you should not do either - I'm just showing you the error of your reasoning.
So why does the government no longer see you as an individual? You know what forget it. I will propose to my girlfriend right now. It's a shame that I'm missing out on something so beautiful.
So why does the government no longer see you as an individual?
Not technically accurate. It's just joint filing, and a few other legal quirks.
If you're an individualist, like of the Randian/Libertarian stripe, I can understand that. But marriage is something you CHOOSE to take, and while you're no longer your ultimate priority, that's still mostly just a philosophical technicality. If you love your wife and your kids you're going to be very happy.
Marriage is what you make of it. I'm not trying to convince you to get married and have children since I firmly believe you should not do either - I'm just showing you the error of your reasoning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellow Jacket
So why does the government no longer see you as an individual? You know what forget it. I will propose to my girlfriend right now. It's a shame that I'm missing out on something so beautiful.
Well, I was trying to discuss something with you - but I'll let it be if you are going to start acting like that. Like I said - I wasn't trying to convince you to get married. I don't base my individuality on how the government sees me - so that doesn't really have any affect on me.
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