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My husband has agarophobia and does not travel. I see my family twice a year for max two days. When I visit a friend it is one to 4 hours. The mall is to buy stuff he and I need like tie belt etc. I should have been more clear its not the mall , it's farmers market grocery walmart etc . I have a hard time being specific bc it depends on traffic and then lines then if I decide to stop at one more store.
Family included his family also that I see but he can't due to his agarophobia.
Considering your husband has a mental illness it makes a little more sense, however, instead of you visiting family, perhaps it would be more productive if they came to visit you. That way two things could be accomplished, 1) he would be able to see them too and 2) they might be able to assist in convincing him to get some help. As for your forays into shopping, it is usually pretty easy to estimate how long it will take. Before my father passed away, it was necessary for my mother to get the shopping done within a specific period of time so that she could be back in time to see to his needs. She always managed to get what she needed during that allotted time frame.
I would strongly suggest that you get some help for him. Obviously, he has not always been this way and a sudden onset of mental illness is never a good sign. It could get worse, or it could be caused by some organic problem such as a brain tumor or something like that. I would certainly do everything in my power to try to help him get his life back, if it were me.
so your husband wont leave the house and you dont know when you will be home? quite a pair. how do you not know when you will be home? is he asking for specific hour/minute/second?
do you have a cell phone where he can reach you? do you not know the amount it might take you to get from one place to another?
this is a very strange situation. i have never met anyone with this problem. when i go out with friends, i already set a limit in my mind of when I will be hanging out with them and for how long based on several factors, like work, errands I need to run, family and home obligations etc.
I work inconsistent hours due to the nature of my work. I can't give an estimate of when I'll be done. In general I am bad at giving estimates of when I'll be done or home from anywhere. Be it with friends family mall store etc. it causes me severe stress when I'm asked this bc I don't know how to deduce the answer that is correct.
I'm not very time oriented when it comes to being finished with hanging out with friends family etc. I feel like when im done im done and then come home. It drives me crazy to give a time ill be home and it drives my husband crazy if I don't give a time or if the time is wrong . Any suggestions?
Yes. Pick a time and make it happen. If you tell him you will be home at 7:30, and you are 20 minutes away, then at 7:00 you start wrapping up and saying your goodbyes. Then you get in your car and you go home. It's part of being a grown-up and it's really not that hard.
Look, you can set time limits on whatever you are doing, even an open-ended project. Simply tell yourself you plan to be home at 4pm, for example.
Assuming you're flexibly employed, start wrapping up your task at 3pm. Clean up, put away, shut down; whatever it is that you have to do so that you allow for average travel time to your destination.
If you're running errands, use a little self discipline. If you know your husband would like you to be home in two hours, hurry along and get what you need and go home. Don't go someplace else.
It sounds like you have a number of poor personal habits and a large case of self-centered entitlement. You also sound indecisive and disorganized.
You can have more personal freedom and avoid domestic stress by getting a handle on your time management. You're just not that special.
ADDITION: I'm not saying this because your husband is "the man of the house" and should be obeyed. It's simply common courtesy to be dependable, accountable, and respectful of your partner's feelings.
most working couples, have dinner in the evening, or spend time together, if this means very little to you,, then it seems you are choosing work, over the relationship..because millions of men,,have done this, didnt come home for dinner,,,not even called, and the wife wont put up with that..
its one thing, to be a good worker/ and make money- spouses can understand this...
but its a different world to be inconsiderate..
if You have to be on YOUR clock all the time....it usually means, you think your time is more important than someone elses,,,,thats very inconsiderate and selfish
I don't agree with some of the responses in the forum. It's entirely acceptable to have your own group of friends that you hang around with. I have male and female friends that I like to hang with. Mf GF knows them all and we go out and have a good time... Same goes for her. While there certainly should be mutual friends that you visit as a couple, you do need to keep your individuality.
As for the whole "when will you be home" thing. That drives me nuts too so I typically give a time at least two hours later than planned. That way I'm never late. This all hinges on trust.. If you trust each other then it's not an issue. If there is no trust then you're living in a house of cards already and it's going to come tumbling down one day...
Had that with the EXwife. She would demand I call her when I was headed home and time me. Drove me crazy. I told her once I was going to buy a time clock and punch a time card and she actually thought it was a good idea! Some people are just insecure.
I don't agree with some of the responses in the forum. It's entirely acceptable to have your own group of friends that you hang around with. I have male and female friends that I like to hang with. Mf GF knows them all and we go out and have a good time... Same goes for her. While there certainly should be mutual friends that you visit as a couple, you do need to keep your individuality.
As for the whole "when will you be home" thing. That drives me nuts too so I typically give a time at least two hours later than planned. That way I'm never late. This all hinges on trust.. If you trust each other then it's not an issue. If there is no trust then you're living in a house of cards already and it's going to come tumbling down one day...
I don't necessarily think it's a trust issue - it's a time issue. My husband and I let each other know when we'll be home so that the other person isn't waiting around for us. You can plan your day or evening accordingly. We trust each other completely - but we also respect each other and each other's time enough to let them know when we'll be home. I'm not going to have dinner waiting for him if he's going to be home late and he's not going to wait to watch a movie or a show with me if I'm not going to be home until really late.
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