I like him ... now what? (date, boyfriends, how to, married)

[cluelessat32]

I met a man about a year ago. He sold my house for me. The transaction closed exactly 6 months ago. (Our contract stated we were under contract for 6 months post-sale... standard in that state.) I moved immediatly after two hours away.

So ... technically we were still under contract and in a professional situation up until a week ago.

Anyway, last summer we flirted a bit and seemed to like each other. There was talk about going out post closing.

Then when night my (then) best friend and I ran into him at a bar. She hit on him. He replied with saying "Arent you married?" She wasnt wearing her rings... She said he looked horrified.

She persued him (despite the fact I liked him) and he wasnt interested. She was sorta annoying about it. Eventually, she demanded if he was gay - if that was why he wasnt interested. He said, "yes"

I was really upset that she was going after him and very uncomfortable. I decided the best thing to do was pull back. So I did. Especially when she dropped the bombshell on me that he was gay.

He did Facebook friend request me (before the craziness) and we continued to stay FB friends (for what thats worth ...)

Weve chatted a few times over the last 6 months.

Recently, I was going out with a friend (who wanted to bring her boyfriend with us) for dinner. Im not going to lie here ... I pretty much texted every guy I knew to have someone to go with. That sounds awful, but her boyfriends a real jerk and wouldtn let her out without him - and wouldnt go out with us if there wasnt another male present. So ... I texted the Realtor. I said basically itd be nice to catch up did he want to join us.

He said he couldnt that day but lets make plans. To be honest, I thought it was a blow off.

But he kept at it and we had dinner a few night later.

Ill be honest, my former friends words kept echoing in my ears: He's Gay.

So I took it as just two friends catching up. I have to admit I still have a bad crush on this guy and had trouble even looking at him ... I was so afraid Id flirt or smile too much ...

We had a great conversation that lasted for hours.

When the bill came, he grabbed it. Thinking what I was thinking, I said "Oh how much do I owe you?" He looked horrified. Told me nothing ... I can sometimes be socially clueless and said "you sure?" "wow, well, thanks!"

(that seems an approrpiate place to add that!)

Anyway, we left the restraunt ... again didnt even want to turn and face him casue I didnt want to come across as "Please dont be gay and just kiss me!" LOL

So I kept my sights forward... He said "oh were down here..." (Pointing to his car) I said "Oh no, thats me right here..."

Yes, I know ...

So, a few days later I texted him "Had a great time ... great to see" type of thing

He texted back .. pretty much the same and "lets do it again."

The next day I was up by my old house and texted him about it ...

Afterwards I thought to myself ... I need to stop texting this guy! Hes gonna think Im nuts.

Well ... I was at lunch with a friend (female) telling her about my dinner ... she said "Invite him over for dinner this weekend ... thatll tell you if hes gay." I laughed and said "No."

I guess I like to be presued a bit ... and um, again, Im not sure if he's gay.

Anyway, I went to the bathroom ... and she texted him for me. Really?! Shes in her mid-twenties maybe that explains it.

He said he had plans with friends that night and work the following day ... She texted back "another time?" to which that earned an "absolutely"

Ive never posted in a forum like this ... so this is all a bit embarrassing.

I have no idea if this guy is in fact gay ... and um, wouldnt he assume my friend would pass on this info? ... Also, if that was suppose to be a date, how do stop I looking so desperate?! I feel like all the texting was over the top.

So, who here thinks he's gay ... who thinks it was a date ... and if it was a date, someone tell me how to look less nuts.

[JrzDefector]

I don't know whether this guy is gay or not. Ask him out and find out.

All due respect (and I don't mean that in the Jon Stewart/Daily Show way), you sound like you have a lot of growing up to do, actually. And your friends sound like they've got serious issues. You might want to focus on yourself and who you hang out with a bit rather than looking to date.

[MIKEETC]

None of what I read is indicative of him being gay. If anything, he seems only mildly interested.

[maybe he's married!!]

[Prince_Frog]

You made a giant post to see if we think he's gay or not? We have no idea if he's gay. Text on a forum gives us no indication of a person's sexual preference unless the person specifically states his preference.

Honestly, as with most of the issues on this forum, most of these problems can get solved by asking the person in question. It's not that critical.

[ellie]

A lot of gay men have classic good manners and can often confuse women in the early stages of a friendship.

Personally, I almost always assume that any smart, articulate, well-dressed man is gay until he says something that convinces me that he's straight. It's not a put down, it's a compliment.

You're going to have to be warm, friendly, but sexually non-agressive if you want to solve this mystery and not make yourself feel foolish. It's not a bad idea to behave that way with straight guys, too. Let them show how they feel.

What sucks is being infatuated and feeling awkward and anxious. Just tell yourself he's most likely gay and allow yourself to make a new friend. It's tough, but you won't go wrong. If he's straight, then you've got a whole new set of things to worry about.

[jim9251]

You never sent me a text! Anyway, just enjoy the guys company and have fun. If he's gay, you'll find out soon enough. And if he IS, so what? Maybe you'll have a good friend.

[Idon'tdateyou]

I've known men who told a woman they weren't interested that they were gay. I would just ask him.

[mainebrokerman]

you may be basing the guy is gay because he didnt jump a friend?

and if he did...he'd be a player, jerk, scumbag?? kind of a no win situation... you've placed him in

if you do like this guy, be a friend,, you will find out soon enough

[cluelessat32]

Originally Posted by mainebrokerman

you may be basing the guy is gay because he didnt jump a friend?

and if he did...he'd be a player, jerk, scumbag?? kind of a no win situation... you've placed him in

if you do like this guy, be a friend,, you will find out soon enough

According to the friend, she asked him if he was gay and he responded with "yes"

Of course, Im now wondering if he simply said that bc she was being so annoying.

[cluelessat32]

Maybe a better question for everyone would be (assuming hes straight): How do I know if it was a date or just friends going out?