Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Does the perception of romantic chemistry differ at all, for those who have had or have been in many past relationships, vs. those who who may have had only a few (or no previous) relationships?
The main reason I am asking is, I sometimes wonder if chemistry in general may perhaps be more malleable or otherwise flexible, for those who have had no or just a few past relationships? I would assume that people who have been in many past relationships, for example, might have much more-clearly defined and established boundaries for chemistry, as established by past feelings of what has generated chemistry for them historically (i.e., with past romantic partners)?
Could it ever conceivably be possible that a woman who doesn't feel a sense of chemistry with a guy who is interested in her, and assuming that she has had many previous relationships, might not have rejected him right away because of chemistry alone, if he had hypothetically been in her say first 1-3 series of relationships chronologically?
Or, to put it another way, in matters of chemistry and the heart, does the chemistry of the past always pre-determine feelings of future chemistry? Or is chemistry fully and entirely independent of any romantic partner(s), past or present?
(FWIW, I have found that more me personally as a guy, feelings of romantic chemistry are pretty wide-ranging, very diverse, and quite liberal, with a very wide range of latitude. I have never myself rejected a woman romantically due to feelings of lack of chemistry...I don't think I have ever truly felt a "I-just-don't-feel-chemistry-with-her" moment. Lack of overall attraction obviously yes has occurred for me, but not a lack of chemistry per se, at least in the way many posters describe it here on the forum.)
I don't notice much difference in how "chemistry" feels based on experience. What I do notice is whether or not pursuing it is a good idea or bad idea, based on past experience and what I know about the person. I can choose a more appropriate response.
I should note that I distinguish between chemistry, and attraction based on varying levels of compatibility.
I wouldn't say it's so much chemistry, but overall attraction. Ever heard the saying, "the heart wants what the heart wants?" You can have the most perfect person for you right in front of you, yet you will choose the worst person for you, because that person makes your heart swoon. That's the law of attraction, and no matter what you do for that person, if they aren't attracted to you, than you are stuck with a friendship.
I have met women, where we were perfect for each other involving our personalities, but there wasn't a level of attraction needed to sustain a relationship. I'm learning as I get older, attraction begins to play a much bigger role. I thought so in my early 20s, but it's even more so in my late 20s.
I think there is a difference. Especially comparing chemistry with people in their teens or early 20's vs people in their late 20's or 30's.
When younger, lets be honest, a lot of people find chemistry in a wide range of people.
But as we date and have relationships, we refine what we are looking for. And attention from the cutie at the end of the bar isn enough anymore. Having been around the block a few times, we learn what works long term, and the short term is usually less important.
Of course, there are those that enjoy being single, and just exploring the new person is just as exciting in their 30's, as it was as a teenager or early 20's.
But I think the ga-ga feeling does change a bit over the years. Ideally, when someone is ready to settle down, a person comes along that works relationship-wise, with a lot of ga-ga a the same time.
It almost sounds like this "hypothetical" guy hopes someone will be attracted to him by default, because she has no experience in being attracted to someone else......
No, in my personal experience, it doesn't work that way.
It almost sounds like this "hypothetical" guy hopes someone will be attracted to him by default, because she has no experience in being attracted to someone else......
No, in my personal experience, it doesn't work that way.
The truth is, in a sense, I was talking about myself (i.e., having been in very, very few relationships, and having an extremely "broad", very non-picky sense of what exactly feelings of chemistry involve, for me personally). And so I had been wondering if for others who may not have been in many relationships, if it was also like that for them as well. You may notice from the quoted portion below, in my original post on the thread:
Quote:
...
(FWIW, I have found that more me personally as a guy, feelings of romantic chemistry are pretty wide-ranging, very diverse, and quite liberal, with a very wide range of latitude. I have never myself rejected a woman romantically due to feelings of lack of chemistry...I don't think I have ever truly felt a "I-just-don't-feel-chemistry-with-her" moment. Lack of overall attraction obviously yes has occurred for me, but not a lack of chemistry per se, at least in the way many posters describe it here on the forum.)
I think there is a difference. Especially comparing chemistry with people in their teens or early 20's vs people in their late 20's or 30's.
When younger, lets be honest, a lot of people find chemistry in a wide range of people.
But as we date and have relationships, we refine what we are looking for. And attention from the cutie at the end of the bar isn enough anymore. Having been around the block a few times, we learn what works long term, and the short term is usually less important.
Of course, there are those that enjoy being single, and just exploring the new person is just as exciting in their 30's, as it was as a teenager or early 20's.
But I think the ga-ga feeling does change a bit over the years. Ideally, when someone is ready to settle down, a person comes along that works relationship-wise, with a lot of ga-ga a the same time.
Thank you for the very helpful and fascinating comments and feedback.
yes...chemistry when I was younger consisted of my reaction to a pretty face...it was more visual...now that I am an old guy...my chemistry consists of feeling the blood instantly begin to flow into my penis..while in the presence of certain woman...I guess you turn into a primitive cave man when you age...or it could be nature saying--Breed one more time and forget the pretty face...you are not long for this world....
I'm not sure it correlates. I do think some people put too much emphasis on initial chemistry and end up making bad relationship decisions because of it. What I mean is, some people are naturally better at dating/getting to know people. This can translate to a superficial initial chemistry whereas I believe true romantic chemistry takes time to develop.
The hardest I've ever fallen for someone was where the chemistry grew over a period of months where I had no strong initial attraction. Over time, I grew to appreciate all of this person's positive qualities and one day it him me like a ton of bricks. Of course, with the way we date today, most people don't have months to invest into getting to know someone so they choose a partner based on who excites them initially.
There are two different forms of chemistry I have experienced and while both are great one is long lasting. The first kind I have experienced (mostly when younger)is the immediate feeling of I want to sleep with this person because he is hot. This one is so sizzling and so lustful that the sparks are red hot. I have had this one with a few guys. Unfortunately though this one burns out just as fast as it started because I have noticed it is mostly about looks and once I get to know the guy I realize out of the looks we have nothing else in common.
The second one I see more often now that I am older and it's the one that grows as I get to know someone. This one isn't as hot as the first one but longer lasting. The sparks are there, just in a different way. I have experienced this one twice and it's more of a comfortable chemistry if that makes sense. For example recently I have experienced it (recently as in within a year)and it has done things like literally draw me to the other person (this guy walked in, shook my hand and my body leaned towards him), also, when he held my hand I felt a jolt of electricity. Third, I can sense when he walks in the room. Of course it doesn't mean it'll last and could fade away like the first example but time will tell.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would assume that people who have been in many past relationships, for example, might have much more-clearly defined and established boundaries for chemistry, as established by past feelings of what has generated chemistry for them historically (i.e., with past romantic partners)? 
