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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I took this from a friend's status on Facebook. It is really something to think about.
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I began to think about how our men suffer from oppression of various sorts and how this often leads to depression of various kinds. I thought about how our men suffer from the pressure to live up to the social standards of being strong, of being in control and filling the function as provider. What about the man who has no resources to provide? What about the pressures of having no resources which can lead a man to violence against others or even himself? What about the man who is taught that his ONLY value is to provide, and that it's the amount of zeros in his pay check that quantify his worth and the amount of love he deserves? With this as the measurement of value, how can he put more importance or concentration on how he is actually RELATING to his woman and to his family?
And what about all the feelings that come with these pressures... in a world where men are not allowed an outlet to express their fears, their concerns or vulnerabilities without risking being called a punk, a ***** or soft? If our men are not allowed to explore their own emotional world, how can they possibly navigate through ours? And speaking about navigating through worlds, what are we to do with our beautiful, energetic, vibrant, curious, strong, out going and outspoken boys that doctors and "experts" label as ADHD challenged, who we are told won't have a chance in this world without being medicated?
And what do we say to the men who didn't have fathers to raise them? The men who had only mothers to play both roles, which at times, left her to have to betray the codes of love, trust and sweetness between mother and son? What do we do with those betrayals left upon that resentful boy who thought his mother was too harsh and now he can't help himself for taking it out on any woman close to him? What about the men who have suffered under the hand of abuse and neglect only to find himself a perpetrator of the same pain?
Have we ever stopped to think about how our men have suffered...
This is where new, bold, courageous, non traditional thinking and actions must have the upper hand to overcome ALL the SUFFERING that's keeping us ALL apart in ALL forms of relating. WE GOTTA THINK NEW!
Man or woman, there comes a time in every adult's life when they realize that every ill that befalls them is not their parents' fault, and that each person who comes along is an individual who should be taken as such. So the part about men taking their mommy issues out on women sounds like a bunch of b.s. to me.
The rest makes some sense. I think we overmedicate children, just in general, and I think neither boys nor girls are taught how to lose gracefully, pick themselves up, and try again. I think society pressures both men and women to be "successful," just that the definition of "success" differs for each gender.
There is no need to "think new." There is only a need to remember what we all learned in the sandbox: Be nice and don't hit.
And what do we say to the men who didn't have fathers to raise them? The men who had only mothers to play both roles, which at times, left her to have to betray the codes of love, trust and sweetness between mother and son?
Ha! Tell you what - my life would have turned out much better if I was raised by my mom only. My childhood was a disaster and mostly my father is to blame.
As far as what "we" say, I say that many raised by single mothers are better off.
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What do we do with those betrayals left upon that resentful boy who thought his mother was too harsh and now he can't help himself for taking it out on any woman close to him?
Can't help himself for taking frustrations out on a woman? Really? That is the sign of a very weak man. How about toughen up mentally and think for yourself. A man with even the slightest bit of intelligence knows the difference between right and wrong.
Who cares as an adult what they were "taught." How about they think for themselves.
I can't realte. I'm not convinced men suffered more and the post is too whiney for my taste.
we all have our individual path to make through this experience called life. we inherit certain traits, personality, and sexuality, along with finding ourselves connected to the world through some familial network we had no choice in selecting. what we do with our life and the choices we make are all our responsibility, whether we accept it or not.
Interesting that you posted this topic as I was thinking along the same topic the other day about the various CD posters here. Specifically, I've given up on posting replies to guys who don't have a clue (and no more sympathy too) because ultimately, if they want to change their dating and relationship with women, they have to initiate that change and follow through on taking it to whatever destination they can. No matter what advice is posted, if they don't take it that advice is worthless. You can get all the dating advice out there (whether family, friends, books, or in this forum), but if you don't take the initiative to actually ask someone out on a date, that dating advice is just for the sake of entertainment.
Also, for all the horrors of our high school experiences, the one thing is does do well is make you aware of social groups/networks and you either participate in that experience and develop some social skills or you don't. And part of that social experiment is learning what it means to be a man of value to yourself and others in society, and the lessons continue as you integrate and participate in adulthood. Strangely, when I think about what kind of person I was in high school and where I fitted in that social experience, I think its profoundly consistent with my current situation. In other words, after learning how to make friends, relate to women, date, getting laid, those skills have only grown over the years leading to a fairly fulfilling dating and social life. And I'm sure others had the same experience while some just never figured it out. Darwinism really, whether man or woman. So stop feeling sorry for people who just don't get it. They will either figure it out or have to accept to live with their station in life.
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 03-09-2013 at 04:40 PM..
"Thinking new" or non-traditional is the way to go. It's less sexist that way.
As above John13 and Lilac110 have already mentioned, acting entitled and taking their own issues out on other women because of parental upbringing is just crazy. Those men need to know right from wrong and have a sense of individuality.
"What about the man who is taught that his ONLY value is to provide, and that it's the amount of zeros in his pay check that quantify his worth and the amount of love he deserves"
^^^Theres some truth to this. Men are taught from a young age from Movies, telivision, Music, etc that your wallet and your financial status defines you as a man. That's why many are willing to rob, kill, and commit other illegal activities to acquire money.
"What about the man who is taught that his ONLY value is to provide, and that it's the amount of zeros in his pay check that quantify his worth and the amount of love he deserves"
^^^Theres some truth to this. Men are taught from a young age from Movies, telivision, Music, etc that your wallet and your financial status defines you as a man. That's why many are willing to rob, kill, and commit other illegal activities to acquire money.
Yep. That's something my dad told me all the time. You make money and women will come knocking down your door. If you don't make enough you won't find any women talking to you at all.
He was pretty much right.
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IMO, caring and affectionate feelings of softness in a male are a strength, not a weakness 
