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This has happened to me several times. This one guy asked me out after finding out about me from a mutual friend. He mentioned going to a show but when he picked me out he suggested a walking trip at the forest preserve to explore the trails and I said okay that would be fine too (I love to walk). We get there and he starts trying to kiss me and grab my boob and I tell him I don't do any of that with someone I just met (though had talked to on the phone). He decides to take me home then and tells my friend I am a prude. I made a few mistakes in meeting him but didn't think he would do this because after all him and my friend were friends.
What a creep. Sorry you had to go through that, yuck! Timing is everything. Obviously WAY too soon. (first date geez!)
There are a surprising number of 30+ men who do not seem to understand the concept of gradually escalating physical contact before making a move.
Like, if a someone shies away a bit when you touch their back...the odds of your kiss being successful are about 5%.
Yeah, dudes need to start with a hug when the date starts. when i see some iffy-ness when i meet her up, I just say "hey give me a hug so we can get that out the way"... works wonders. then do the stupid palm reading trick, if she says "you know how to read palms ?" or whatever, I just "no, I just wanted to check out and hold your hands, you okay with that? haha" anything really, you gotta get the physical energy going, even if its a trickle.
And me, personally, if I'm super attracted to the guy, yeah, I'd be doing a whole lot more , Dr. Clean, not that you asked me personally. Of course attraction figures in and sometimes leads to less than logical behavior.
True dat. The rules changes when there are sparks involves, and saliva. lol
I have been out of the dating arena for a while, but I always preferred to meet a man at the restaurant for the first date rather than giving him my address and letting him pick me up. I felt safer getting to know him in a public place and also if the date didn't go well I could always make a graceful exit and leave on my own schedule. Much better than trying to talk a guy into taking you home when he is determined to extend the date or trying to get him to leave your house when he is determined to stay.
I have been out of the dating arena for a while, but I always preferred to meet a man at the restaurant for the first date rather than giving him my address and letting him pick me up. I felt safer getting to know him in a public place and also if the date didn't go well I could always make a graceful exit and leave on my own schedule. Much better than trying to talk a guy into taking you home when he is determined to extend the date or trying to get him to leave your house when he is determined to stay.
Yeah, all three of OP's concerns (selection of chinese resturant, meeting him there, and slightly aggressive kissing pass) are out of the norm in my book, but every has their own expectations in courting and she's entitled to be romanced like she wants.... and make exceptions per her prerogative too since she owns the booty.
ocnjgirl, I've got to disagree with you here. What I wouldn't give for some making out like teens in a movie theater with a guy I liked. My exbf was so shy about "public" stuff. , Ok, maybe it's a bit much for adults, but it's so much fun. He'd hold my hand and was very affectionate in public. But what he considered within reason. Oh well.
My bf and I are affectionate in public too, however to me that is different than a full-blown making out session in the movies theater. I think it's actually rude to the other people in the theater. Aside from this, I doubt my bf would have attempted this on a first date, thank goodness.
I have to say I agree with those who say you should think twice about letting a stranger pick you up, let alone know where you live, I would not have gotten in a car with a stranger on a first date.
I'll make out on a first date - but only on the ones where the chemistry is completely overwhelming and there is no question with regard to mutual attraction or compatibility. That he "repeatedly" tried to make out with you despite being rebuffed is utterly a turn-off. No respect for boundaries or your wishes. That's a major NO.
"I'll make out on a first date - but only on the ones where the chemistry is completely overwhelming and there is no question with regard to mutual attraction or compatibility"
^^ This. Happens.
"That he "repeatedly" tried to make out with you despite being rebuffed is utterly a turn-off. No respect for boundaries or your wishes. That's a major NO"
Most women that I know who date online run into this constantly. Usually, the description is an 'eh' looking guy trying to score on a first date or asking in advance if hes going to get lucky. Does this really work for any guy ever?
Oh, I didn't say I cared whether I'm a prude. If I am, so be it. My standards aren't changing.
I just wondered if I was the only one that thought this was inappropriate, and if this is the norm these days. Seems like men are so forward now, moreso than before, as if standards have changed.
I don't think a questionable Chinese restaurant is an acceptable first date option. The man should also pick me up and drop me off, or at least offer, on a first date. And he shouldn't expect anything more than a kiss, or even that, unless the woman advances more.
When I state these standards to my friends, most are married, the ones that aren't mostly think I'm nuts. I don't care what people think, as I'm not changing. But it would be nice to learn that I'm not the only one that feels this way, I suppose.
The last time I dated I was in my 20s, so my standards were a little different. I was also married for a bit, so that changes views, too.
Yes, "free hookers" is pretty much what was going through my head! I was like, who does this guy think he's with? He didn't pick me up from the corner.
I don't know what's wrong with a Chinese restaurant, but maybe that is considered unacceptable to women today who are dating, obviously I don't know. Can't you just drive two separate cars on the first date and meet at the place? I wouldn't want to get in some strange man's car (I did that once and it didn't end well for me, but that's another issue). If you know this guy and he's not a stranger that is different though.
I don't think he should be 'expecting' anything, especially any kind of physical contact. But again, I guess that is the 'norm' today and accepted by women to keep them interested or else they move on. How sad.
This man you went on the date with doesn't sound too good IMO. I don't know if you are going out with him again or not but he really has nor right ot 'expect' anything from you and like you said, you weren't on some street corner looking for a john.
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. Does this really work for any guy ever?
