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I dont thin this is set in stone, but from my experience, women prefer if a guy can take on a leadership role, pick a time and a place that works for both of you. A guy who doesnt offer as much as a suggestion for a first date, seems little passive to me. I think you deserve better
...the women I date tend to have brains. With those brains they are capable of forming opinions and don't need a man to make decisions for them. These women like to have input () into their lives. They are knowledgeable enough to know that men are not mind readers who can guess a woman's likes and dislikes.
I dont thin this is set in stone, but from my experience, women prefer if a guy can take on a leadership role, pick a time and a place that works for both of you. A guy who doesnt offer as much as a suggestion for a first date, seems little passive to me. I think you deserve better
I agree with this, in the context of him being the one that initially contacted her.
What I didn't like in the OP was that he contacted her, asked her if she wanted to get a coffee sometime, she agreed, and it took him an entire week to reply back (let alone he then put the onus on her to figure out a place and time).
My impression is that this is too much effort, maybe more of an obligation because of shared mutual friends, rather than an actual desire to meet someone new.
I don't think it should take a week to get back to someone. No one is that busy to reply to an email. I don't really mind choosing the place. I think some guys are nervous they might choose somewhere the woman doesn't approve of. I've had guys suggest a time/day and then ask me if I have a favorite place I enjoy or if I want to make a suggestion. Sometimes I went on dates with guys I met online who hadn't lived here very long, so they appreciated me choosing a place since I'm more familiar with what's good here.
These thoughts have crossed my mind as well. She mentioned him after I was venting that my co-worker keeps telling me it can't be as hard to meet someone as I make it sound and when I asked her to see if her husband (who works construction) had any single, male co-workers between the ages of 30-45 who don't smoke or have multiple baby mamas she told me I was too picky in what I was looking for.
I did see our friend the other night but didn't really pump her for information other than to ask if she thought he was someone who would not only encourage me but be down in the trenches with me as I work through the process of moving to a healthier lifestyle, and she couldn't say for sure on that.
Just go for it you don't have to marry him or have sex unless you both want to. I think it'll get you out there and you'll find out what type guy you really want by experience. It seems like when ladies are out dating more men find that lady more attractive, maybe it's the confidence and high she gets from letting herself be free and open good luck
...the women I date tend to have brains. With those brains they are capable of forming opinions and don't need a man to make decisions for them. These women like to have input () into their lives. They are knowledgeable enough to know that men are not mind readers who can guess a woman's likes and dislikes.
And my pretty little brain is capable enough to tell me that there's no correlation between a female wanting a man that's a good decision maker and having an incapable brain.
My pretty little brain is also knowledgeable enough to know that mind reading and guessing has nothing to do setting up dates.
"I thought we could go to (insert establishment here) on Friday around (insert time here) if that sounds fun to you and if the time is OK. I've been there before, it was a lot of fun."
"OMG a mind reader!!!!!! Kill it with fire!!!!!!"
I dont thin this is set in stone, but from my experience, women prefer if a guy can take on a leadership role, pick a time and a place that works for both of you.
I think this does play into it. Given that I'm, you know, ancient, I do tend to think traditionally when it comes to dating. Which is why my OP was questioning if this is the new norm. I was last dating in 1999. And with organizing Meetup events, leading a monthly volunteer project and hosting a themed party roughly every 6 weeks, it is nice every now and then to be the one told when and where to show up. If it is expected that he asks, I plan then I might as well be the one to initiate it.
I'm not opposed to going back and forth to come up with a plan. In fact, that's what I'm used to. In contrast to this, I have a (male) friend who e-mailed me yesterday about getting together for dinner to catch up. He threw out a couple of dates he's free, they didn't work for me so I threw out some when I am. In this case, I had nothing to go on at all other than an invitation to get together for coffee "sometime."
I knew there was more bothering me about this and writing it all out did get my brain churning in the direction I needed it to go. On a subconscious level, this was reminding me of the last guy I dated. I think it was triggered by the comment "I can work my schedule around something." The last guy I dated would call, often at the last moment to see if I wanted to do something. If I happened to be free, he would then want me to completely plan it and would get impatient if I didn't have a ready answer. (He learned quickly I didn't get the memo I was just supposed to dutifully sit by the phone waiting for him to call. ) He also was one I tended to not hear from on a regular basis and when I did, I often felt like he was only calling because he didn't get a better offer. And that's how I feel now-like he'll fit me in but there's other things he'd rather be doing, esp because all but the first message have made some sort of reference to him being really busy. This is, of course, why trying to do this electronically is bad. You can't read tone in an e-mail without emoticons. (He's not offered me his number to chat beforehand, nor have I offered him mine-all messages have been strictly about setting this up w/nothing personal whatsoever).
Now that I know what was bothering me, I can look at this in a different perspective. I haven't cancelled for next Tuesday but now that I know when he can meet, I do have to find a different place as we'd only have 1/2 hour at the original place before it closes.
Despite being on the fence, I decided to give it a chance. Early Thursday afternoon, I emailed him a new suggestion for tomorrow at the time he said would work for him. He responded late last night (though to be fair, all of his messages have come late at night) that he'll try to meet me tomorrow as close to that time as possible. I really wish I was excited about this.
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) into their lives. They are knowledgeable enough to know that men are not mind readers who can guess a woman's likes and dislikes.
good luck
Which is why my OP was questioning if this is the new norm. I was last dating in 1999. And with organizing Meetup events, leading a monthly volunteer project and hosting a themed party roughly every 6 weeks, it is nice every now and then to be the one told when and where to show up. If it is expected that he asks, I plan then I might as well be the one to initiate it.
) He also was one I tended to not hear from on a regular basis and when I did, I often felt like he was only calling because he didn't get a better offer. And that's how I feel now-like he'll fit me in but there's other things he'd rather be doing, esp because all but the first message have made some sort of reference to him being really busy. This is, of course, why trying to do this electronically is bad. You can't read tone in an e-mail without emoticons. (He's not offered me his number to chat beforehand, nor have I offered him mine-all messages have been strictly about setting this up w/nothing personal whatsoever).
