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I dated my best buddy's brother for a while. When I broke up with him, his family's reaction was to ask him "What did you DO?" They're fond of me, and he's gotten immersed in his new girlfriend's family, so I am sometimes at family functions when he's not. It's not really tense when he's around though. He's happy with his life, and I'm happy with mine. What more do we need to concern ourselves with?
I was married for 6 years. Got divorced 10+ years ago (he left me for someone else) and I moved away to another state. I don't cross paths with him at all.
My ex-h has a twin sister who lives on the other side of the country. I got along ok with her when I was married to her brother, but we were kind of indifferent to each other.
For the past 10 years her and I have emailed occasionally and kept in touch on FB. She seems to really want to be friends. She lives in my hometown and when I went there to visit family last year I spent some time with her. She seemed to find it exciting to hear about my life (I do science-y stuff and outdoor stuff). She has a decent life, but maybe not much exciting adventures.
Up until then we didn't talk about her brother (my ex) at all, but I did ask her a few questions about him (what he's been doing, what his wife does, etc). She says he never comes to visit her. I have seen her more than he has.
It's hard. His mom and I had a good friendship, and the breakup causing that to be forever altered was just one piece of crappy collateral damage. I was also heartbroken to know that I would never see his maternal grandfather, who I adored, again. Apparently, the grandfather was brokenhearted, as well.
::Hugs::
I went through the same thing with an ex. I genuinely adored his family, was really close to his mother, also a writer. Ours was more of a "friendship" type of relationship rather than a mother-daughter relationship. When my ex's grandmother died, he called me to tell me; I was beyond crushed. They're just good people and I too know that they hoped that we would stay together. Apparently, I was one of two women he was involved with who had ever had any type of ongoing relationship with them.
But as to the OP's question. There are a lot of factors to examine. I think that it depends on the length of the relationship, how things when down in the end (e.g., if there are still hard feelings) and if there are children involved. But it also depends on how your future SO/spouse feels, too. One of my friends got really upset because her fiance spent a lot of time with his ex-fiancee's family -- she felt shut out, accused him of clinging to the past. Whether or not this was really true is aside from the point; her feelings were very real.
But as to the OP's question. There are a lot of factors to examine. I think that it depends on the length of the relationship, how things when down in the end (e.g., if there are still hard feelings) and if there are children involved. But it also depends on how your future SO/spouse feels, too. One of my friends got really upset because her fiance spent a lot of time with his ex-fiancee's family -- she felt shut out, accused him of clinging to the past. Whether or not this was really true is aside from the point; her feelings were very real.
That's a very good point you made. It depends on your new spouse or SO if you should continue a relationship with your ex's family. Hopefully your new SO/spouse will be understanding if you were really close to the family.
I've met my husband's ex MIL when she came to a few family gatherings for the kids (her grandchildren). I liked her a lot and talked to her most of the evening one time. I also like his ex-wife though too and his ex-SIL. In fact I see her at Wal-Mart all the time and we stop and chat. His ex BIL, who is out of town, visits his sister quite often and drops by to see my husband. None of it bothers me because I feel secure in our relationship which would be necessary for these type of interactions.
One time he (exBIL) came over with his sister, my husband's ex, in her little mini cooper convertible and I couldn't stop laughing because he is a very big man, tall and sort of wide, and him in that car just reminded me of those clowns driving around in the tiny car at the circus. Then the other sister came over and we all sat around talking at our house. They are very nice people so that probably helps a lot.
So as long as no one is going to be hurt by the relationship I think it would be ok. But then again I've never experienced a bad situation so you'll have to take that into consideration too.
I went through the same thing with an ex. I genuinely adored his family, was really close to his mother, also a writer. Ours was more of a "friendship" type of relationship rather than a mother-daughter relationship. When my ex's grandmother died, he called me to tell me; I was beyond crushed. They're just good people and I too know that they hoped that we would stay together. Apparently, I was one of two women he was involved with who had ever had any type of ongoing relationship with them.
But as to the OP's question. There are a lot of factors to examine. I think that it depends on the length of the relationship, how things when down in the end (e.g., if there are still hard feelings) and if there are children involved. But it also depends on how your future SO/spouse feels, too. One of my friends got really upset because her fiance spent a lot of time with his ex-fiancee's family -- she felt shut out, accused him of clinging to the past. Whether or not this was really true is aside from the point; her feelings were very real.
Hi ladies (and gentlemen) I have no SO in this case. No hard feelings either towards my ex, yes, I'm hurt, disappointed how things ended, but I forgive him. I'm good.
Nope. I cut ties with the immeadiate family before my divorce was finalized. About three weeks after the dovroce the ex's mother left a voicemail on my phone wanting to know how I was doing and wanted me to give her a call. I never retured her call. About the ex's mother tried to follow me on twitter. Once again a no go. It is easier to cut ties and move on. If I ever have the misfortune of crossing paths with any of them I will remain civil, or ignore them. Unless the run off at the mouth, then I will rip them apart. I don't think I will cross paths with them.
I maintain a relationship with my ex'es broader family because she and I produced a child. The broader family has seen many come and go (should have been my first clue) but consider me a part of the larger family insofar as I/we produced a child, and that will never be forgotten. This past Thanksgiving I was invited back/offered an invitation to return and I took it. My son's great-grandmother was 98 and asking if she would see him before she died. I made the trip and while it didn't surprise her, it gave her great comfort. My divorce had been 3 years prior and it was painful. She initiated and continues to engage in negative/irritating problems. She enjoys chaos and creating division (brought pictures to court of a feces smeared toilet, saying I did it; I answered the judge it was likely from our 2 year old's diaper turned inside out). I also realized by leaving her I keep missing the continual noise of detonations. Anyway...
The family enjoys me and has great respect for me. While I didn't look for it, they have turned on her somewhat and have engaged in shunning her OR treating her with less respect. Many have questioned her ability and capacity. I have great respect for my son's extended family (my ex'es aunts and uncles). Her parents do not have contact with me but keep in touch with my son (he's six). My ex recently kept my son from a weekend visit with me and persists in her vicious activities. I take more time to be with him during our summer visits as compensation. He gets it. I would not take her back in a million years, as my life has become much more peaceful. I would absolutely invite the broader, extended family of my ex to the next wedding I have with a prospective mate. And they would cheer me on b/c they truly embrace their culture, their love for G-d, and me. They are good people and they have seen I am a good person too. I never expected this type of comfort, especially b/c she is so vicious, and I don't do it to get back at her or any other reason. It just works for me to have contact with them for my son's benefit. And it works for him too, so he may know what family really means.
Please share stories about this. If you maintained a friendship with someone in your ex's family was that a good idea? I have already decided to stay friends with this person, but my ex really hurt me and I don't want to be reminded of it, for lack of a better way to phrase it. Any comments, experiences? Thank you for your stories
You're going to have to get past it first if being around the family is painful. Tell them, and if they really care about you, they will understand.
My wife always tags her ex boyfriends family or friend on facebook. Am i just being insecure? Because it bothering me and i bought it up to her and she says he is just one of the homies as of a friend only. I just be thinking maybe she just tagging him for some kind of reason but it just only funny videos. But when i go hang out with my friends whoms wifes are related to my ex girlfriend she doesnt like that. Why is it double standards? Please someone help me with this.
My ex's mom still contacts me...she's a wonderful woman, and was not at all in favor of the way the breakup (initiated by her son) went down. She was at least as blindsided as I was, at the time. We don't talk often, but she still does reach out, sends cards for life events, etc. We were close, and she looked at me like a daughter, but given that we live in different parts of the country, it's unlikely that we'll see one another again, so the long-distance occasional reaching out is likely to be as far as it goes. A close friendship with the family member of an ex wouldn't fly, I don't think, beyond just this type of arrangement.
I wrote this earlier on the thread a few years ago. It's funny...I'm married to an amazing guy, now, and we have an adorable new baby, and I got a package in the mail when I was almost 9 months pregnant...it was a beautiful keepsake bowl and spoon, nautical design, for the baby (my husband is Navy)...and it was from...my ex's mom. What a wonderful, gracious lady. It really touched me that she is still so thoughtful, years after I've had any contact with her son.
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