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Old 04-09-2013, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,616 posts, read 13,842,450 times
Reputation: 6664

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Hope it all works out OP.

 
Old 04-10-2013, 07:38 AM
 
Location: PA/NJ
4,045 posts, read 4,436,545 times
Reputation: 3063
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I'm curious why you call yourself a martyr?
I pretty much stay here mostly because I know if I left she would crumble financially etc and I don't know if I could have that on my conscience.
 
Old 04-10-2013, 07:39 AM
 
Location: PA/NJ
4,045 posts, read 4,436,545 times
Reputation: 3063
Quote:
Originally Posted by glenmorangie View Post
He's posted before complaining that his wife smokes weed with her child when he's not around. And made it sound like he had no choice but to stick it out for some reason, without any effort on his part to fix the situation.
No effort huh? Calling the police is no effort? Ok then Dr. Phil what would you suggest?...
 
Old 04-10-2013, 08:01 AM
 
143 posts, read 222,207 times
Reputation: 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truth11 View Post
I pretty much stay here mostly because I know if I left she would crumble financially etc and I don't know if I could have that on my conscience.
just leave her and deal with the consequences. I would try to start a new chapter if possible.
 
Old 04-10-2013, 08:28 AM
 
Location: NY
9,130 posts, read 20,033,731 times
Reputation: 11707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truth11 View Post
I pretty much stay here mostly because I know if I left she would crumble financially etc and I don't know if I could have that on my conscience.
Sounds like the two of you are crumbling anyway.

Maybe being on her own would spur her to responsibility. Maybe she would struggle. Not sure it is should weigh your conscious down too much however. Adults are all free to make their choices and live with the consequences. I am not saying it would be easy either. Just that staying in a toxic situation will poison both of you for other reasons, and taking the financial risks of seperating may be the better option.
 
Old 04-10-2013, 08:45 AM
 
Location: PA/NJ
4,045 posts, read 4,436,545 times
Reputation: 3063
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
Sounds like the two of you are crumbling anyway.

Maybe being on her own would spur her to responsibility. Maybe she would struggle. Not sure it is should weigh your conscious down too much however. Adults are all free to make their choices and live with the consequences. I am not saying it would be easy either. Just that staying in a toxic situation will poison both of you for other reasons, and taking the financial risks of seperating may be the better option.
That's what I think,and I think when I left for those brief periods gave her a wakeup call...then again she may just be crazy enough to not care. See she's on SSDI so it would partially be like abandoning a handicap
 
Old 04-10-2013, 08:47 AM
 
35,094 posts, read 51,296,816 times
Reputation: 62669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truth11 View Post
Marriage has been slowly falling apart...trust issues etc. I think the only reason we're together now is,like many people,for financial reasons...

Is this the definition of "Martyr" you are using? : Martyr

"a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc."
 
Old 04-10-2013, 08:54 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,967,928 times
Reputation: 15257
Quote:
Originally Posted by glenmorangie View Post
He's posted before complaining that his wife smokes weed with her child when he's not around. And made it sound like he had no choice but to stick it out for some reason, without any effort on his part to fix the situation. Sounds like he's kicking back and counting on the stars to send some help his way (somehow).

I think he might be a little confused about the meaning of "martyr."
What?! That's a slam dunk in divorce court AND he would get full custody of kids!!!

Dang!! What's up with that?!
 
Old 04-10-2013, 09:03 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,770 posts, read 20,001,589 times
Reputation: 43186
I was with drug addict for YEARS. I stayed with him because I told myself, he is not going to make it without me. He threatened with suicide and what not if I leave him. I kept finding him unconscious, etc. and thought, thank god he wasn't alone when the stuff was "bad" or "too strong".

When I finally left him, he was super high for 4 weeks and then had a new gf right away. All my worries for nothing. Why did I not leave him sooner?

OP, don't stay in it for the wrong reasons. Give her and yourself the chance for a new start. She doesn't need you and if you really have SUCH a bad conscious, then pay voluntarily more support until she gets on her feet.

Freedom is priceless. Rather be poor as staying with the wrong person.
 
Old 04-10-2013, 09:15 AM
 
Location: PA/NJ
4,045 posts, read 4,436,545 times
Reputation: 3063
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Is this the definition of "Martyr" you are using? : Martyr

"a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc."
That may be your definition,or the CD definition but no...

"A person of some renown who is devoted to a cause believed to be admirable"...
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