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I think people like you should not online date.
If you aren't comfortable/able to gage who a creeper is quickly, than don't online date.
There's a lot of shady people online, and there's lots of good people online.
But your walls are too thick to give the good men a chance, and I honestly don't think you are capable of weeding out the creepers quick enough.
Stick to the bar scene/ social networking/ hobbies to meet men. Online isnt your cup of tea.
Totally disagree. The OP may be more reluctant to release her email address than some people (myself included), but that's her decision. She sounds reasonable based on the amount of dialogue she prefers before meeting someone (one week or less). In addition, she asked if her reluctance was perhaps hurting her chances of meeting someone, so she's aware of being overly cautious.
It's hard to gauge what someone is like via email; if she prefers to be a little more comfortable with someone before meeting him, that's understandable.
You do realize sociopaths can be very charming and very likable, right?
How are her 'walls too thick'? Because she doesn't want to immediately give out her number? Because she wants to take her time and get to know someone? I immediately dismiss a guy that gives out his phone number in the first 2 messages or so, or pressures me to meet right away.
I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all.
Read the OP again.
She isnt comfortable giving info after 3-5x's of chattin on the website.
This is extremely different than 1 or 2 messages.
I know guys that get womens info in 3-5 messages, and frquently. How/why?
Because based off of looks alone, the women is already interested enough to be comfortable giving her phone number.
Totally disagree. The OP may be more reluctant to release her email address than some people (myself included), but that's her decision. She sounds reasonable based on the amount of dialogue she prefers before meeting someone (one week or less). In addition, she asked if her reluctance was perhaps hurting her chances of meeting someone, so she's aware of being overly cautious.
It's hard to gauge what someone is like via email; if she prefers to be a little more comfortable with someone before meeting him, that's understandable.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with your opinion, or the OP's discomfort with giving her info out.
It just means that online dating is not for you.
Online dating is A LOT of work for guys that aren't crazy hot. You have no idea how many times I have spent messaging women though online dating for 6-7-8-9-10 different occasions. I make them lol, I tell jokes, we trade some common interets, yada yada yada. Only to ask for a phone number or email to have them either ghost or say, "I'm not good with the phone, I'd rather just continue this way."
I'm not looking for a pen pal, being someones penpal is having me miss out on focusing on someone who is might actually be INTERESTED in me, with at least a friendship.
Online dating isn't much different than meeting people IRL. if a woman is interested in a guy, they will give out the info quickly. If they arent interested, then they BS some reason on why it makes sense to be pen pals.
I don't expect a number in 2 messages, But if we message on five different occasions, and she won't give info, it means I wasted my time with someone who is too nice to reject me, but not adult enough to either try the friend route, or flat out not waste my time.
if we message on five different occasions, and she won't give info, it means I wasted my time with someone who is too nice to reject me, but not adult enough to either try the friend route, or flat out not waste my time.
No, it doesn't actually mean that. You have ascribed that meaning to it.
For some, sure. But how many men dismiss a woman who 'puts out' too early because there's a likelihood she does it often? If a guy gives out his phone number in the second message without being asked for it, it seems to me that he's just throwing it to every woman he can hoping one will accept. That's not really the type of man I'm interested in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006
Read the OP again.
She isnt comfortable giving info after 3-5x's of chattin on the website.
This is extremely different than 1 or 2 messages.
I know guys that get womens info in 3-5 messages, and frquently. How/why?
Because based off of looks alone, the women is already interested enough to be comfortable giving her phone number.
I know this from IME, NOT, IMO.
3-5x.... that's 3-5 messages I'm assuming. Especially if they messages are short and curt. Personally, I like to at least get a general idea of the dude before exchanging information. I've had plenty of friends who trusted too early and ended up needing to change their phone numbers because of stalkers they met online.
Looks are important, don't get me wrong...but I'm not giving out my phone number because a guy is good looking. Good looking men are a dime a dozen, and so many things are far more important. If he's being pushy regarding the phone number, what else is he going to be pushy about?
The guy I went out with last night (second date, woohoo!) never pressured me and we took things at a natural pace before we first met. It was probably 2 or 3 weeks of chatting back and forth before we made a dinner date and exchanged phone numbers. He was very respectful, not pushy at all and when we finally met we had a great time together.
Maybe it's more about finding a person who is on the same page as you are? While I don't like guys that give out their phone numbers willy nilly, some guys would probably be offended if I didn't give mine out within the first 2 messages.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with your opinion, or the OP's discomfort with giving her info out.
It just means that online dating is not for you.
Online dating is A LOT of work for guys that aren't crazy hot. You have no idea how many times I have spent messaging women though online dating for 6-7-8-9-10 different occasions. I make them lol, I tell jokes, we trade some common interets, yada yada yada. Only to ask for a phone number or email to have them either ghost or say, "I'm not good with the phone, I'd rather just continue this way."
I'm not looking for a pen pal, being someones penpal is having me miss out on focusing on someone who is might actually be INTERESTED in me, with at least a friendship.
Online dating isn't much different than meeting people IRL. if a woman is interested in a guy, they will give out the info quickly. If they arent interested, then they BS some reason on why it makes sense to be pen pals.
I don't expect a number in 2 messages, But if we message on five different occasions, and she won't give info, it means I wasted my time with someone who is too nice to reject me, but not adult enough to either try the friend route, or flat out not waste my time.
Actually, it probably means she was on the fence about you and was trying to get to know you a bit better before making a decision. It's hard to get to know someone online and it's FAAAR different for women than men. I was watching a documentary on online dating and it said that women's #1 fear was meeting with a serial killer/getting murdered....mens #1? She ends up being fat.
As a man, you don't really have to worry about being raped or getting killed, but most women have these little fears in the back of their heads so they treat meeting a stranger far differently.
You're probably being pushy about it and so she disappears because of it. Looks like she made her decision.
For some, sure. But how many men dismiss a woman who 'puts out' too early because there's a likelihood she does it often?
I have no idea.
Some, not all.
Quote:
If a guy gives out his phone number in the second message without being asked for it, it seems to me that he's just throwing it to every woman he can hoping one will accept. That's not really the type of man I'm interested in.
This is my experience with online dating so far: the guys that seemed really nice and wanted long-term relationships did not pressure me for my email and/or phone number. This sorta happened naturally. This happened with at least 7 guys. They respected me and my wishes. I felt comfortable with them and gave them my number. It even says on the site to not give out your phone number or email or personal information, etc.
Now, there are guys that want my phone number or email rather quickly. I dunno after 3 or 5x of chatting on the site. How many times I've read "oh, I'm not on this site much, but give me your email/phone # and here's mine, etc.". Well, I tried this with one guy. He listed his email and I emailed him. Didn't receive any contact until a month later. Does this guy really think I was gonna respond to him even after the excuses he wrote on the site and then on my email.
This is one of the reasons why I do not give out my number/email right away. And besides that I'm a woman who's careful and I don't wanna give out my number if that guy's gonna be a creep, etc. I mean, I don't know these men. I feel I should give out my number or call them when I feel the vibe is right. After all, it has worked out in the past for me. I call it filtering out the undesirables who are just players, etc.
But my question is am I being unreasonable? Are there actually decent men who maybe just like to talk on the phone and are not into chatting on these sites? Am I limiting my options by thinking the way I do? Thanks.
Of these 7 guys, how many turned into a long term relationship?
Every creepy guy, without fail, will ask for your personal information before you are comfortable giving it.
Every decent guy, without fail, will ask for your personal information at the exact moment you are comfortable giving it.
Yes...this is what I've experienced so far.
When the guys asked for my number and they wrote "I don't want a chat buddy" and I explained I'm a woman and there are sickos out there and I don't give my number to everyone, they were ok with that. Heck, they even gave me their number and I called them via a private number and told them why and they were comfortable with that. I told them I didn't want a chat buddy as well. And when I met them in person they were very respectable. And the one guy I gave my email out right away, well, he responded a month later with his excuses.
Thanks guys.
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