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The difference is that the woman at the mall is strictly attractive because of her looks. This is a very impersonal and casual connection you make with someone just by checking them out. It's human nature. But if you're on the dating website looking at women, you're getting a glimpse of their personal lives. Some women would label this as "emotional cheating". They'll say that if you're satisfied with your current woman, you shouldn't feel any need to click through other people's dating profiles to look for personal information, personality types, etc.
Exactly...you're not just looking at eye candy if you're reading their profile.
I'm fine with my husband looking at porn, but I would have a problem with him checking out dating sites.
Do the ads actually have real people in them or models? Either way, if you're committed to someone there's no reason to be looking at a dating site.
Which brings up a good point: Spotify now runs ads for Match along the side. I know those guys are all models because the same faces come up even as my IP address, which is dynamic, changes from town to town. Also, sometimes it changes to towns where it would be absurd for the 10 or 12 ads that scroll through to all be white guys.
The difference is that the woman at the mall is strictly attractive because of her looks. This is a very impersonal and casual connection you make with someone just by checking them out. It's human nature. But if you're on the dating website looking at women, you're getting a glimpse of their personal lives. Some women would label this as "emotional cheating". They'll say that if you're satisfied with your current woman, you shouldn't feel any need to click through other people's dating profiles to look for personal information, personality types, etc.
I had this very discussion with a woman this evening and tried to make your first point and boy did I get an earful.
Walking past someone you find attractive at the mall and checking them out is incidental. Most of us do it. It is indeed human nature. I also agree it is completely different if you are actually going to match.com and searching through the profiles.
Where we have a disconnect is that I also consider clicking on a profile in the context I described as also being incidental. You are on the site of the local newspaper. Match advertises there under an "Ohio Dating" banner where they show a few pictures of their prospects. If one of them looks interesting to you just to check out because you find the picture cute (and not to date) isn't this just incidental? (Most guys don't read profiles anyway.)
Which brings up a good point: Spotify now runs ads for Match along the side. I know those guys are all models because the same faces come up even as my IP address, which is dynamic, changes from town to town. Also, sometimes it changes to towns where it would be absurd for the 10 or 12 ads that scroll through to all be white guys.
These are the ads I am talking about.
Clicking on an ad just to check out the picture because you find someone cute. No intent to contact them or to date them whatsoever.
Where we have a disconnect is that I also consider clicking on a profile in the context I described as also being incidental. You are on the site of the local newspaper. Match advertises there under a "Ohio Dating" banner where they show a few pictures of their prospects. If one of them looks interesting to you just to check out because you find the picture cute (and not to date) isn't this just incidental? (Most guys don't read profiles anyway.)
Ok, Beacon. I'm with you on your train of thought. Thanks for clarifying.
To answer your question above, I think it's far less incidental than having your eyesight caught at the mall by a sexy silhouette. It's deliberate that you're seeing and reacting, clicking the photo for more info. Why is it not enough just to check out the thumbnail? I think we're all agreeing these banner photos tend to be models and when you click, you're not taken to that person's profile, correct?
What I'm confused about is the practicality of this habit you're asking about. When you click on these banners, are you doing it for a full-size photo or are you doing it to read about them? It sounds like you're doing it just to get a bigger photo, but do the banners even take you to a profile of someone pictured (supposedly the models)?
Why not just check out the thumbnail, acknowledge you're looking at a pretty lady, and continue browsing whatever you were browsing? It'll probably get you in less trouble if you're feeling frisky and you look for material to do the five knuckle shuffle on websites that don't advertise singles?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth
You guys still think this is wrong?
The act as your describing isn't wrong, IMO. You're allowed to desire that rush of feel-good chemicals we all get when we see an aesthetically pleasing member of the opposite sex.
I'm just saying if you keep looking for this satisfaction via dating site banners, you might offend your future partners. In that context, it's wrong. It would be safe for you to ask your girlfriend's thoughts on whether she minds that you're looking through dating sites with those intentions.
Ok, Beacon. I'm with you on your train of thought. Thanks for clarifying.
To answer your question above, I think it's far less incidental than having your eyesight caught at the mall by a sexy silhouette. It's deliberate that you're seeing and reacting, clicking the photo for more info. Why is it not enough just to check out the thumbnail? I think we're all agreeing these banner photos tend to be models and when you click, you're not taken to that person's profile, correct?
What I'm confused about is the practicality of this habit you're asking about. When you click on these banners, are you doing it for a full-size photo or are you doing it to read about them? It sounds like you're doing it just to get a bigger photo, but do the banners even take you to a profile of someone pictured (supposedly the models)?
Why not just check out the thumbnail, acknowledge you're looking at a pretty lady, and continue browsing whatever you were browsing? It'll probably get you in less trouble if you're feeling frisky and you look for material to do the five knuckle shuffle on websites that don't advertise singles?
There was one person recently I was tempted to take a look at but I know I'll get an earful if I do it and I'm probably too lazy to log in anyway. Besides, I'm the type who would let out the truth if I do it - I don't care.
I can assure you it would be strictly for the pictures. I had no intention of "getting to know her" either through her profile or otherwise. Had I clicked, I might have glanced at the profile, but primarily would just want to see the pics and not to see if I wanted to date her or not.
Just wanted to get some input because I don't see this as any big deal but the person on the other side of the telephone this evening sure did.
Just wanted to get some input because I don't see this as any big deal but the person on the other side of the telephone this evening sure did.
So what attracts you about photos on dating sites rather than other places where you can look at anonymous ladies?
It strikes me as strange you're so drawn to the personal, single element of it. The "real" girls. I think anyone giving you an earful about it might assume you're fantasizing about the women based on their position of seeking a man and being available.
Again, why the dating site singles when there are other sources for eye candy?
The act as your describing isn't wrong, IMO. You're allowed to desire that rush of feel-good chemicals we all get when we see an aesthetically pleasing member of the opposite sex.
I'm just saying if you keep looking for this satisfaction via dating site banners, you might offend your future partners. In that context, it's wrong. It would be safe for you to ask your girlfriend's thoughts on whether she minds that you're looking through dating sites with those intentions.
So essentially you agree with me that there is nothing inherently wrong with checking out the pictures of someone you find aesthetically pleasing with no romantic or dating intent, even while you're dating someone. It's human nature.
This part I have to think through a little, though: You say if your SO gets bent out of shape over this, you probably shouldn't do it. I still say it shouldn't be a big deal to her so long as it only happens on an incidental basis and you're not looking to date these people.
So what attracts you about photos on dating sites rather than other places where you can look at anonymous ladies?
It strikes me as strange you're so drawn to the personal, single element of it. The "real" girls. I think anyone giving you an earful about it might assume you're fantasizing about the women based on their position of seeking a man and being available.
Again, why the dating site singles when there are other sources for eye candy?
Couldn't be further from the truth.
I think what might possess me to click is that when you are reading a news story on, say, Cleveland.com the picture posted for match will be a cute woman AND it is the only cute woman on the page.
Why would I be compelled to click? Because I know if I click I can see more pictures. Has nothing to do with the knowledge that she is single (or advertised as such). Has nothing to do with seeking an upgrade or the grass being greener on the other side, either. Simply a picture of a person you found attractive.
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