Let's see if I can put this in the right place. Sheesh. (dating, boyfriend)

[metamorphosis]

I've started a thread twice and end up deleting everything that I write. I know that no matter how I word my feelings, people will tell me to "get over it".

I just need to say one thing: I still love the man I thought he was. And I am still so very hurt, because he turned into someone else, someone I don't recognize.

I really need to keep moving forward, but am unsure of how to do that. I have been living back in my home state, I have a new job (that I like), and a different car (got rid of the one with memories). I am just so very alone and think about what a good time he is having with no consequences what so ever.

All of my stuff is still in a storage unit, because I'm living a room at my daughter's. I have been toying with the idea of just having a huge sale and getting rid of all of it and starting over. My life and memories are packed in the storage unit and I'm not so sure I want it/can deal with it anymore.

I want to buy a little house and just be happy.

Thank you (you know who you are ) for chatting with me and for all your support.

You know, here on C-D (and I imagine other forums as well), men talk about how women don't want to date after a certain age. I am here to tell you that if a relationship is going to end up hurting, personally I'd rather pass on it. I would like to spend my life with someone, but I don't want to hurt any longer. Had I known that I was going to spend 9 years and not be certain that the good times were truly good (and not fake or a lie), I wouldn't have done it.

[Chowhound]

I've been with Mrs. Chow a long long time. I don't know how I'd feel if we separated. I don't think I'd rush into anything for a good while, if at all. I just don't feel the desire to date... the idea just seems completely un-fun... which it shouldn't be, it should be fun, but at this stage in my life.. I just don't care to compete and play the game........

Then again, the thought of being alone the rest of my life doesn't sound appealing either.

[GINGERSNAP1963]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I've been with Mrs. Chow a long long time. I don't know how I'd feel if we separated. I don't think I'd rush into anything for a good while, if at all. I just don't feel the desire to date... the idea just seems completely un-fun... which it shouldn't be, it should be fun, but at this stage in my life.. I just don't care to compete and play the game........

Then again, the thought of being alone the rest of my life doesn't sound appealing either.

^^^That is exactly the way I feel too, but about my sweet husband Mr. Snap of course and not Mrs. Chow.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone if something were to happen to him, yet the idea of throwing myself under the dating bus is kind of a nightmare.

So to the OP I think I can surely sympathize with you.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

I've started a thread twice and end up deleting everything that I write. I know that no matter how I word my feelings, people will tell me to "get over it".

I just need to say one thing: I still love the man I thought he was. And I am still so very hurt, because he turned into someone else, someone I don't recognize.

I really need to keep moving forward, but am unsure of how to do that. I have been living back in my home state, I have a new job (that I like), and a different car (got rid of the one with memories). I am just so very alone and think about what a good time he is having with no consequences what so ever.

All of my stuff is still in a storage unit, because I'm living a room at my daughter's. I have been toying with the idea of just having a huge sale and getting rid of all of it and starting over. My life and memories are packed in the storage unit and I'm not so sure I want it/can deal with it anymore.

I want to buy a little house and just be happy.

Thank you (you know who you are ) for chatting with me and for all your support.

You know, here on C-D (and I imagine other forums as well), men talk about how women don't want to date after a certain age. I am here to tell you that if a relationship is going to end up hurting, personally I'd rather pass on it. I would like to spend my life with someone, but I don't want to hurt any longer. Had I known that I was going to spend 9 years and not be certain that the good times were truly good (and not fake or a lie), I wouldn't have done it.

Honey, you have suffered a tremendous loss and are grieving. NO ONE can tell you how to feel or when to stop feeling it okay?

I know you are hurt and very disappointed that what you thought was going to be is now not going to be.

Acceptance is a huge part of grief recovery.

I know you still want answers to questions that you are never going to get answers to. It can all make you feel so frustrated

But focus on that acceptance so that you can move forward.

Time is your friend. Give yourself time to process your feelings and come to terms with your new reality. It will happen, promise. Your head will begin to clear and your heart will not always feel this heavy.

Until then, just be good to yourself okay?

You have to make yourself eat right, go to bed and get enough sleep, exercise - these are all very important!

One day you will look back and this will be your past. You will survey all that is around you and realize how good it is and how you could never have had it without the journey you have been on. I know that is hard to believe now, but you can make this your reality. You just have to be willing to keep moving - refuse to become a victim - take personal responsibility for where you are now, today, and take control of your life back.

I wish you all the best on the rest of your journey

[DivineComedy]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

I've started a thread twice and end up deleting everything that I write. I know that no matter how I word my feelings, people will tell me to "get over it".

I just need to say one thing: I still love the man I thought he was. And I am still so very hurt, because he turned into someone else, someone I don't recognize.

I really need to keep moving forward, but am unsure of how to do that. I have been living back in my home state, I have a new job (that I like), and a different car (got rid of the one with memories). I am just so very alone and think about what a good time he is having with no consequences what so ever.

All of my stuff is still in a storage unit, because I'm living a room at my daughter's. I have been toying with the idea of just having a huge sale and getting rid of all of it and starting over. My life and memories are packed in the storage unit and I'm not so sure I want it/can deal with it anymore.

I want to buy a little house and just be happy.

Thank you (you know who you are ) for chatting with me and for all your support.

You know, here on C-D (and I imagine other forums as well), men talk about how women don't want to date after a certain age. I am here to tell you that if a relationship is going to end up hurting, personally I'd rather pass on it. I would like to spend my life with someone, but I don't want to hurt any longer. Had I known that I was going to spend 9 years and not be certain that the good times were truly good (and not fake or a lie), I wouldn't have done it.

I find this post to be a bit ironic given you user name.

People change. Sounds like it's your turn to do so as well.

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

I know that no matter how I word my feelings, people will tell me to "get over it".

You know, here on C-D (and I imagine other forums as well), men talk about how women don't want to date after a certain age. I am here to tell you that if a relationship is going to end up hurting, personally I'd rather pass on it. I would like to spend my life with someone, but I don't want to hurt any longer. Had I known that I was going to spend 9 years and not be certain that the good times were truly good (and not fake or a lie), I wouldn't have done it.

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I just don't feel the desire to date... the idea just seems completely un-fun... which it shouldn't be, it should be fun, but at this stage in my life.. I just don't care to compete and play the game........

Then again, the thought of being alone the rest of my life doesn't sound appealing either.

Originally Posted by GINGERSNAP1963

I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone if something were to happen to him, yet the idea of throwing myself under the dating bus is kind of a nightmare.

So to the OP I think I can surely sympathize with you.

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Acceptance is a huge part of grief recovery.

I know you still want answers to questions that you are never going to get answers to. It can all make you feel so frustrated

But focus on that acceptance so that you can move forward.

Time is your friend. Give yourself time to process your feelings and come to terms with your new reality. It will happen, promise. Your head will begin to clear and your heart will not always feel this heavy.

Until then, just be good to yourself okay?



I wish you all the best on the rest of your journey

I really appreciate the honesty in your post. I think everybody has given you very good advice.

After I lost my first boyfriend to suicide, I joined a grief support group and I also seek professional help from a trauma counselor. My counselor has told me that there is really no right or wrong way to grief. Everybody's healing process is different. I felt betrayed, lied to, I also felt I have wasted my time and our love was truly a lie. If he really loved me, he wouldn't have killed himself right after we broke up.

However, In understanding that I only had to face one day at a time, I began to cope.

In teaching me to surrender to these emotions and loss, my healer also taught me affirmations to say, and to write down what I wanted in my life.

I started to feel empowered with new thoughts. I started to see that I could be in charge of how I reacted to each situation.

Be kind to yourself. Know that you are not alone with what you're feeling. Be kind to yourself.

My counselor has told me that I need to allow myself to be sad but more importantly, allow myself to be happy. It is the gift I can give back to my loved one who is gone and to those still with me. We truly loved each other, even though things didn't work out in the end, I still thank him for being in my life. But moving forward alone without him is the best thing I can do for myself everyday.

Best of luck.

[rego00123]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Acceptance is a huge part of grief recovery. focus on that acceptance so that you can move forward.

this.
it will take some time to come to this point in earnest, but trust me when i say it will happen as long as you you accept things for what they are.

[ellie]

Like most have already said, give yourself some time. There's no point in being bitter. Plenty of good relationships turn bad. Been there, done that, understand how you feel right now.

As for your other plans, can you afford to buy a house? Are you planning to be where you are for a long while? It's not a bad idea to consider. Staying in someone else's home is only good for the short term. Getting rid of all of your things sounds like an over reaction. They're yours. There's more to your life than what your ex contributed.

If buying a home is too much of a stretch, find yourself a nice little place where you can nest and feel good about yourself. Fix it up, cook nice meals for yourself, drink tea, and read books. Enjoy little things.

It will take awhile to feel better -- maybe a long while, but it will happen.

[funymann]

Like I always say, "Let the dust settle."

You are in a whirlwind of emotions right now. Ride them out.

When time has passed you will see more clearly which direction to go. Don't try to decide anything for a while. You may make the wrong move since the dust is swirling yet.

[srjth]

A big garage sale sounds good. It should help with closure. You are understandably in the grieving process. That takes time. One day you will be ready.