What's with this girl? She's very sociable but comes off as flaky when asked to hang out. (date, boyfriend)
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So just to summarize, I met this girl in the middle of December 2012 at a friend's birthday party. For the purpose of this post, I will call this friend JTR. At the time, I didn't make any attempt to talk to her but after JTR told me that she wanted to get to know me because she thought I was attractive, I decided to add her on Facebook. She's 23 and about to graduate college. I'm 26 and also about to graduate from another school. For about the next month or so, we exchanged texts nonstop and even invited her to come hang out with me when I would go to the bar with JTR and his girlfriend. We managed to hang out a couple times.
New Years was one of the more eventful nights we had as we met at a bar but another guy said something to her which made her upset so she ended up leaving. When I noticed she wasn't there, I went out and found her sitting in her car. I talked to her and she told me to come in the car so I did. We had talked for about 10 minutes then she decided to cuddle with me. I realized she was upset and needed someone to talk to. We ended up going back into the bar where I bought her some drinks and we talked off and on and later ended up going to a friend's house after the bar closed. Again, she was being cuddly with me and would lean her head towards me as I was just sitting there with my arm around her. Later as she was leaving, I followed her to the car and then she gave me a very long hug and then I kissed her before she left.
Everything was going seemingly fine for about a few more weeks but the last time we hung out around mid January of this year, she was acting differently, like she just didn't seem comfortable to be there plus she wasn't as sociable in person and at some point she even walked off and started talking to another guy who was at the bar we went to. This obviously made me feel awkward, so I texted her later that night and told her how I felt and she responded that she just needed a moment to herself. Fair enough, so I let it go. Around the same time JTR's girlfriend and her began to have issues with one another and surely enough, her texting towards me became less frequent and not as detailed or wordy. It came to the point where I confronted her about this because I felt she was ignoring me and she told me that JTR's girlfriend was the reason why she decided to distance herself from everyone including me and ultimately she ended up blocking everyone including me from Facebook a few days later. At that point, I thought it was done and I quickly established that she didn't want to talk to me so I just went on with my life.
About the end of March, I noticed that she had unblocked me and everyone else that she blocked back in mid-January. Also, JTR told me that they were talking and that she mentioned my name because she missed me, so I messaged her on Facebook and then apologized. She had told me she texted me a few days prior but I didn't get it so she thought I was still mad at her. We started talking again up to this point (about a month now) and everything seemed like it was back in January. The first time I asked to hang out with her, she agreed but almost immediately I found out that I had less money than I thought I did so I had to cancel plans. A week later, I asked to hang out with her and she agreed once again. A few days later, when I asked her to confirm, she only told me she wasn't sure since we didn't choose a place to go and subsequently told me she was in class. Later that day I tried to confirm once again and never got a response. The next day, she told me she left her charger in school and that she had to charge her phone. We would text everyday since then until the following week when I asked her if she wanted to meet up, she agreed. The next day however when I decided to confirm, she told me she was feeling sick and that she needed some rest. In about a month's time, I asked her three times to hang out and she agreed for all three but never made an attempt to confirm it with me for the last two. I sincerely believe she was sick though because she had been at the gym earlier that day and when I asked her if she was still on for that night, she told me that her face was feeling hot and that she likely overworked herself at the gym.
So what gives? Is she being sincere or is she just a flake? Honestly it's still up in the air whether I want a relationship at this time but I just want to see her again since we did have a good time whenever we would hang out. She always tells me that nobody wants to hang out with her on the weekends yet her friends text her so I felt I was offering her a chance to come out. She had been single since October with her abusive boyfriend so I feel like I'm seen as a rebound guy but whether she is only maintaining contact with me to help boost her self ego is unknown.
So just to summarize, I met this girl in the middle of December 2012 at a friend's birthday party. For the purpose of this post, I will call this friend JTR. At the time, I didn't make any attempt to talk to her but after JTR told me that she wanted to get to know me because she thought I was attractive, I decided to add her on Facebook. She's 23 and about to graduate college. I'm 26 and also about to graduate from another school. For about the next month or so, we exchanged texts nonstop and even invited her to come hang out with me when I would go to the bar with JTR and his girlfriend. We managed to hang out a couple times.
New Years was one of the more eventful nights we had as we met at a bar but another guy said something to her which made her upset so she ended up leaving. When I noticed she wasn't there, I went out and found her sitting in her car. I talked to her and she told me to come in the car so I did. We had talked for about 10 minutes then she decided to cuddle with me. I realized she was upset and needed someone to talk to. We ended up going back into the bar where I bought her some drinks and we talked off and on and later ended up going to a friend's house after the bar closed. Again, she was being cuddly with me and would lean her head towards me as I was just sitting there with my arm around her. Later as she was leaving, I followed her to the car and then she gave me a very long hug and then I kissed her before she left.
Everything was going seemingly fine for about a few more weeks but the last time we hung out around mid January of this year, she was acting differently, like she just didn't seem comfortable to be there plus she wasn't as sociable in person and at some point she even walked off and started talking to another guy who was at the bar we went to. This obviously made me feel awkward, so I texted her later that night and told her how I felt and she responded that she just needed a moment to herself. Fair enough, so I let it go. Around the same time JTR's girlfriend and her began to have issues with one another and surely enough, her texting towards me became less frequent and not as detailed or wordy. It came to the point where I confronted her about this because I felt she was ignoring me and she told me that JTR's girlfriend was the reason why she decided to distance herself from everyone including me and ultimately she ended up blocking everyone including me from Facebook a few days later. At that point, I thought it was done and I quickly established that she didn't want to talk to me so I just went on with my life.
About the end of March, I noticed that she had unblocked me and everyone else that she blocked back in mid-January. Also, JTR told me that they were talking and that she mentioned my name because she missed me, so I messaged her on Facebook and then apologized. She had told me she texted me a few days prior but I didn't get it so she thought I was still mad at her. We started talking again up to this point (about a month now) and everything seemed like it was back in January. The first time I asked to hang out with her, she agreed but almost immediately I found out that I had less money than I thought I did so I had to cancel plans. A week later, I asked to hang out with her and she agreed once again. A few days later, when I asked her to confirm, she only told me she wasn't sure since we didn't choose a place to go and subsequently told me she was in class. Later that day I tried to confirm once again and never got a response. The next day, she told me she left her charger in school and that she had to charge her phone. We would text everyday since then until the following week when I asked her if she wanted to meet up, she agreed. The next day however when I decided to confirm, she told me she was feeling sick and that she needed some rest. In about a month's time, I asked her three times to hang out and she agreed for all three but never made an attempt to confirm it with me for the last two. I sincerely believe she was sick though because she had been at the gym earlier that day and when I asked her if she was still on for that night, she told me that her face was feeling hot and that she likely overworked herself at the gym.
So what gives? Is she being sincere or is she just a flake? Honestly it's still up in the air whether I want a relationship at this time but I just want to see her again since we did have a good time whenever we would hang out. She always tells me that nobody wants to hang out with her on the weekends yet her friends text her so I felt I was offering her a chance to come out. She had been single since October with her abusive boyfriend so I feel like I'm seen as a rebound guy but whether she is only maintaining contact with me to help boost her self ego is unknown.
We all cancel plans here and there, as life happens. If you made plans to get together 3x in one month and they all fell through, then she's definitely a flake. I'm skeptical about her having texted you the one time, as texts don't just randomly go missing. In addition, the line about the phone charger is probably BS.
If someone is this flaky so early (even earlier than what can be referred to as 'early in a relationship'), they are simply playing games. This behavior is fairly common in younger women. If she's 23 and nice looking (sounds like she exercises vigorously), she has a lot of options. She's probably making similar plans with other guys as well.
Also remember that it's very selfish to keep canceling b/c she's wasting your time. You should back off.
From a woman's viewpoint - she is being flaky and/or indecisive. She needed you at one point, but not so sure she needs you now. Other handsome male shoulders have been offered to her since you last hung out with her. It's like being in a grocery store and trying to decide which brand of detergent to buy. They come in a variety of prices, smells, and promises, and since she's used you before, she's wanting to try another brand for a while -not because you weren't any good just because she's flaky and likes to try new things. Sorry.
So just to summarize, I met this girl in the middle of December 2012 at a friend's birthday party. For the purpose of this post, I will call this friend JTR. At the time, I didn't make any attempt to talk to her but after JTR told me that she wanted to get to know me because she thought I was attractive, I decided to add her on Facebook. She's 23 and about to graduate college. I'm 26 and also about to graduate from another school. For about the next month or so, we exchanged texts nonstop and even invited her to come hang out with me when I would go to the bar with JTR and his girlfriend. We managed to hang out a couple times.
New Years was one of the more eventful nights we had as we met at a bar but another guy said something to her which made her upset so she ended up leaving. When I noticed she wasn't there, I went out and found her sitting in her car. I talked to her and she told me to come in the car so I did. We had talked for about 10 minutes then she decided to cuddle with me. I realized she was upset and needed someone to talk to. We ended up going back into the bar where I bought her some drinks and we talked off and on and later ended up going to a friend's house after the bar closed. Again, she was being cuddly with me and would lean her head towards me as I was just sitting there with my arm around her. Later as she was leaving, I followed her to the car and then she gave me a very long hug and then I kissed her before she left.
Everything was going seemingly fine for about a few more weeks but the last time we hung out around mid January of this year, she was acting differently, like she just didn't seem comfortable to be there plus she wasn't as sociable in person and at some point she even walked off and started talking to another guy who was at the bar we went to. This obviously made me feel awkward, so I texted her later that night and told her how I felt and she responded that she just needed a moment to herself. Fair enough, so I let it go. Around the same time JTR's girlfriend and her began to have issues with one another and surely enough, her texting towards me became less frequent and not as detailed or wordy. It came to the point where I confronted her about this because I felt she was ignoring me and she told me that JTR's girlfriend was the reason why she decided to distance herself from everyone including me and ultimately she ended up blocking everyone including me from Facebook a few days later. At that point, I thought it was done and I quickly established that she didn't want to talk to me so I just went on with my life.
About the end of March, I noticed that she had unblocked me and everyone else that she blocked back in mid-January. Also, JTR told me that they were talking and that she mentioned my name because she missed me, so I messaged her on Facebook and then apologized. She had told me she texted me a few days prior but I didn't get it so she thought I was still mad at her. We started talking again up to this point (about a month now) and everything seemed like it was back in January. The first time I asked to hang out with her, she agreed but almost immediately I found out that I had less money than I thought I did so I had to cancel plans. A week later, I asked to hang out with her and she agreed once again. A few days later, when I asked her to confirm, she only told me she wasn't sure since we didn't choose a place to go and subsequently told me she was in class. Later that day I tried to confirm once again and never got a response. The next day, she told me she left her charger in school and that she had to charge her phone. We would text everyday since then until the following week when I asked her if she wanted to meet up, she agreed. The next day however when I decided to confirm, she told me she was feeling sick and that she needed some rest. In about a month's time, I asked her three times to hang out and she agreed for all three but never made an attempt to confirm it with me for the last two. I sincerely believe she was sick though because she had been at the gym earlier that day and when I asked her if she was still on for that night, she told me that her face was feeling hot and that she likely overworked herself at the gym.
So what gives? Is she being sincere or is she just a flake? Honestly it's still up in the air whether I want a relationship at this time but I just want to see her again since we did have a good time whenever we would hang out. She always tells me that nobody wants to hang out with her on the weekends yet her friends text her so I felt I was offering her a chance to come out. She had been single since October with her abusive boyfriend so I feel like I'm seen as a rebound guy but whether she is only maintaining contact with me to help boost her self ego is unknown.
You got put in the "friends zone!"
Should have made your move that night after the bar.
Long hug.....then "you" kissed her. She made up her mind that night.
I think you were just a shoulder to cry on. What 23 year old woman, who's likely attractive, wants to spend time alone. She's going out and finding out who she is. That's the issue with you being 26 and her being 23. You have a strong idea that you want to pursue something a bit more serious, and she wants to just randomly hang out with people.
You win some and you lose some. I think you lost this one.
Are you still wasting time going after this girl for romantic reasons? If you are stop and move on. It does not sound like she is mature enough to make a decision about having a serious romantic relationship.
Wait, you were the one who flaked the first time, right? Then she lost her charger and got sick. It was not 3 times that SHE flaked.
I think the problem is that 6 months after getting out of an abusive relationship is too soon for her to date with any kind of seriousness. She kind of likes you, so she doesn't want to say no, but she is really not ready.
In part, she probably feels she cannot trust her own judgment about men right now. So if she likes you... that might be a red flag, to her. See her conundrum?
I suggest you date other woman and, if the two of you ever find yourselves single at the same time in the future, you could give it a go. But not in the next 6 months.
Wait, you were the one who flaked the first time, right? Then she lost her charger and got sick. It was not 3 times that SHE flaked.
I think the problem is that 6 months after getting out of an abusive relationship is too soon for her to date with any kind of seriousness. She kind of likes you, so she doesn't want to say no, but she is really not ready.
In part, she probably feels she cannot trust her own judgment about men right now. So if she likes you... that might be a red flag, to her. See her conundrum?
I suggest you date other woman and, if the two of you ever find yourselves single at the same time in the future, you could give it a go. But not in the next 6 months.
I should've probably explained it a little better. She didn't flake three times. The first time I technically flaked but because I realized I had less money than I originally thought. This all happened in a 30 minute span so it wasn't as if I invited her the day before and then the next day told her I couldn't come out. Even then, she expressed that she was excited to see me in a few hours. The next two times that I invited her out, she did indeed flake but this would happen over a week apart, maybe closer to two weeks apart.
Also, she would talk about her ex in the past but she hardly does that anymore, I feel that her bringing him up only upsets her. Her other guy friend is also constantly mentioned as they've been having their own little drama and about a week ago she told me that he was ignoring her when she texted him, so I don't know.
Last edited by neurodistortion; 04-28-2013 at 01:00 PM..
We all cancel plans here and there, as life happens. If you made plans to get together 3x in one month and they all fell through, then she's definitely a flake. I'm skeptical about her having texted you the one time, as texts don't just randomly go missing. In addition, the line about the phone charger is probably BS.
If someone is this flaky so early (even earlier than what can be referred to as 'early in a relationship'), they are simply playing games. This behavior is fairly common in younger women. If she's 23 and nice looking (sounds like she exercises vigorously), she has a lot of options. She's probably making similar plans with other guys as well.
Also remember that it's very selfish to keep canceling b/c she's wasting your time. You should back off.
The time she said she texted me and I didn't get it, that was because my phone was out of minutes, so technically I wouldn't have received it. Also, the first time I technically flaked but because I found out I had less money than I originally thought, so I had to cancel. The night I invited her she agreed and explained she was excited to see me then 10 minutes later I called my bank and found out I didn't have enough money even though I did. They put a $50 hold on my account. Obviously, I was upset. Even then, she was understanding about it. The other two times she did flake but this was over a week apart, maybe closer to two weeks apart.
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