insecurity

[Cyborgt800]

You cannot rely on someone else for your own feelings and or happiness. You'll be clingy and smother them.

I call these people energy vampires....because they steal your energy for their own use and rarely if ever provide any energy back.

Some of the things you do for him MAY seem like a good thing but intent is ever important.
If you are doing things to:

Be closer
Keep an eye on him.
For praise.
To make him feel like he owes you.

These reasons negate any good the actions in question do. It will be felt by him and you will ultimately receive the opposite reaction than that which you sought.

You may not like this but perhaps you need to be single for awhile until you can provide your own happiness.

[sydney1987]

Originally Posted by tangl3d

Is it bad to to be scared of losing your lover? Losing as in, them leaving you one day. Sometimes I feel as if, my bf may leave me and I end up having anxiety attacks =\ jw cause we've been together on and off for about 10 years and right now it's really hard.

honey it's time to put a ring on it. if he can't commit after TEN YEARS, I honestly - if I were you - wouldn't think he were worth all the time and effort... and in your case, anxiety attacks (EEK!)

Love yourself FIRST.

no one and I repeat NO ONE is worth your own detriment in any such drastic ways.

[sydney1987]

Originally Posted by tangl3d

Very good last point. My problem is, I rely on my boyfriend too much for happiness. I think he feels smothered because I help him out a lot around his house. I went to his place today and I was really upset that he was ignoring me so tried talking with him. He lashed out at me and with a very hurtful, loud whisper he utters, "always ****ing over here....." I was shocked that he had the nerves to say that. Of course I was upset and said I was never gonna visit him again. Then he said I don't listen blah blah blah.....but I guess I see that I rely too much on him for happiness

your "boyfriend"

sounds like an "a** hole"

had to be said. you help him out a lot around the house - AND THAT'S HIS RESPONSE TO IT?

wake up lady.

[SeekingWomanMyAge]

Originally Posted by tangl3d

Very good last point. My problem is, I rely on my boyfriend too much for happiness. I think he feels smothered because I help him out a lot around his house. I went to his place today and I was really upset that he was ignoring me so tried talking with him. He lashed out at me and with a very hurtful, loud whisper he utters, "always ****ing over here....." I was shocked that he had the nerves to say that. Of course I was upset and said I was never gonna visit him again. Then he said I don't listen blah blah blah.....but I guess I see that I rely too much on him for happiness

I feel bad for you. Based on this reaction I recommend you break up now. If he wants you back he'll come ... But make him beg. Jeez my ex broke up with me over a remark I made about ugly jewelry worn by a coworker ... and that Biden's wife was attractive. Oh boy.

[kat949]

Originally Posted by tangl3d

Is it bad to to be scared of losing your lover? Losing as in, them leaving you one day. Sometimes I feel as if, my bf may leave me and I end up having anxiety attacks =\ jw cause we've been together on and off for about 10 years and right now it's really hard.

When relationships get to the point where you're not feeling secure, ask yourself what's holding you back from confronting the real issues?

What is it about the relationship that makes you feel vulnerable?

Imagine when you could easily walk away from any relationship, and how you were like?

Remember what mattered to you most, and how you lost that passion or notion for what you felt and wanted most out of life.

Somewhere along the line, in most relationships, there's a delicate balance between losing oneself to the relationship (towards one another) and autonomy (towards oneself). If the relationship is unstable to begin with and a level trust not a being strong foundation, losing oneself to the relationship can easily happen and one can blindly forget how he/she arrived from point A to point B.