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I picked her up from our campus, kissed her, real happy. Then, little by little, I started picturing how she was cheating behind my back and making me look like an idiot, and I just got more and more angry at her for no reason. She asked whats wrong baby, I said nothing wrong. Long story short, 2 hours later we're at her parents' house, and i'm arguing with her throwing in her face how she is cheating on me and using me. She was being tough, but she was really sad, and eventually started crying and telling me its not true, and with who would she cheat.
I threw in her face that in the morning when we woke up someone called her, and she wouldn't pick up with me next to her, and that it was probably the 'other' guy. She said it was the woman for her internship telling her they had cancelled (call was around 745am and their apt. was at 830). Another instance was she said tonight she was going to this coworker's house at 8 (some girl) bc she was invited. She doesn't have a lot of friends, so this is a good thing right? Heat of the moment - I said It is probably some guy's house you're just telling me it is a girl.
I really wanted to hug her and tell her sorry for being a f****ng idiot, but my mind would not stop picturing her with another man laughing behind my back, so I kept being an angry retarded guy. Eventually I left, and told her to call whoever comforts her at night bc it sure as hell isn't me. I get home and shes txting me like crazy saying are you home? Me being the idiot I am, I thought oh she probably wants to know if the 'coast is clear'. So I replied 'I am not in any danger if that is what you are asking. Let's meet up tomorrow and talk.'
So here it is -
1) I am (at least I think) sick in the head. 2 things about me - All my life I have seen my father (my only male role model) accuse my mom of cheating, and making her life hell (it turns out the apple doesn't fall far from the paranoid tree).
2) When I was 17 (7ish yrs ago) I fell in love as a freshman with a BEAUTIFUL woman. We went perfect together, loved the same things and she ALWAYS wanted to be with me. A month later at a party my friends from the dorm caught her making out with some guy, as did I. I kicked the guy out and she was super pissed at me and we never talked again. WTF right? Not so perfect it seems. So as you can see, I have an unfortunate distrust in women that was shaped over these 2 things.
3) In 4 years since the B***H at the party incident, I have hooked up with many women for fun and 'excitement' but never gotten close. 3 years ago I met the woman of my dreams, everything is perfect. Not one day have I fully trusted her on not cheating at me, and am a paranoid wreck nowadays.
4) When I met her, she was in a 5 year long distance relationship. They met every other 2 weeks or so, and it wasn't always 'fun'. I pursued her like hell, and she fell in love with me while being in this relationship. Finally he dumped her for not being faithful or whatever claiming he found someone better, and she happily came back to me and we hit if off VERY hard. Now that I am at my peak of paranoia, I think to myself - what is to stop her from doing the same to me? We are only 3 years, and she broke off a 5 year (although long distance, we see each other a lot), she will cut me off eventually right? Bc (in my mind) women are like this? These are the things that swirl in my head.
FINALLY 5) I am picking her up after work and we are gonna talk tomorrow around 8. WHAT DO I SAY??? I always think, oh man she is amazing, im gonna be good to her, but once we are together I just feel betrayal, and it makes me hate her! WTF my gut tells me that something is wrong so I go with it. I do not know what to do.
Please, help me out here. I need to make this right. I thought either I somehow believe she is faithful and try to have a healthy relationship OR I break up with her. I love her so much, and she does not deserve to go through this with me. Even if we are in love, it is far from healthy, and I am just not a guy who deserves her. There is NOTHING. No evidence of her cheating in any way, and I am just fabricating stories in my head. But from what I said in 1 and 2, I have a way of seeing women - even the one I love most.
Guys and girls, please chime in on this. You can say nasty/mean things about me I really need to hear everything I can because I am so narrow-minded. Just please no 'get a shrink' or 'get a new girl' OR (OMFG) 'stop being so beta you are definitely beta.' I hear this stupid sh*t from my friends ALL the time - doesn't help. They just want me out in the game again so I can go clubbing with them again and scoring every night. I am starting to think I should do this....PLEASE help!
This sent up distress signals in my head. This is why you DO NOT pursue attached women, married women, or any sort of unavailable women. I don't know her, I could be wrong, BUT I'm going to go out on a limb and say she "happily" came back from you because she just got put on her ass from a five year relationship. That's not easy to rebound from, even if things were wrong. Very rarely does this sort of thing work.
Are all women like this? The short answer is, NO. You also took part in pursuing her and giving her an "out" so she wouldn't have to deal with her emotions. Now I'm not saying she isn't a perfectly wonderful woman who isn't in love with you, that very well could be true. However, I'm thinking you are having a major guilt trip. Nothing is stopping her from pursuing another man, just as nothing is stopping you from pursuing another attached woman.
I'll never understand why people do this. It usually comes back to bite them. Have some time to heal from a previous (especially 5 year!) relationship before you jump head first into another. That's just negligent at best. There's a difference between a crush and pursuing, and you both did this wrong. Hopefully you learned from your mistakes.
Now, if you want to make this work and think you really love her, get yourself to counseling and admit you screwed up. Because you did. You screwed up when you pursued her and you screwed up when you held it against her.
The fact that you say "do all women do this" though makes me think you don't really realize you had an equal part in this. Men do this too. I have had men pursue me fresh out of relationships that I KNEW wouldn't normally. I just didn't give them a new bed to cozy up in.
Good luck to you and I really hope you and your girl can make it work if you truly love her. If not, pursue only single, available women next time.
All my life I have seen my father (my only male role model) accuse my mom of cheating, and making her life hell
I stopped reading right there (too long, new poster) but I will address this:
I'm going to give it to you straight - you're an adult now. Grow up because this is no excuse for your actions now. What I learned from "my only male role model" is how not to treat a woman. You have a mind of your own and by now you should know the difference between right and wrong. I suggest you take some time and think about that.
You are clearly not ready for any type of relationship. I cured myself but many like yourself may not be able to do that. Maybe a good therapist will help you.
...Please, help me out here. I need to make this right. I thought either I somehow believe she is faithful and try to have a healthy relationship OR I break up with her. I love her so much, and she does not deserve to go through this with me. Even if we are in love, it is far from healthy, and I am just not a guy who deserves her. There is NOTHING. No evidence of her cheating in any way, and I am just fabricating stories in my head. But from what I said in 1 and 2, I have a way of seeing women - even the one I love most.
Guys and girls, please chime in on this. You can say nasty/mean things about me I really need to hear everything I can because I am so narrow-minded. Just please no 'get a shrink' or 'get a new girl' OR (OMFG) 'stop being so beta you are definitely beta.' I hear this stupid sh*t from my friends ALL the time - doesn't help. They just want me out in the game again so I can go clubbing with them again and scoring every night. I am starting to think I should do this....PLEASE help!
What do you say? Nothing.
Leave.
You are not in a position to be in ANY relationship and should not be until you get a grip on yourself. In the meantime you should not be subjecting anyone else to your unfortunate immaturity and lack of self worth - no matter how willing they are to "stick with you."
It really won't get any better for your GF until you are a better BF and that will take time and counseling.
look man i can say that i have ben doing that here latley bc i dont know how to deal with it. my girlfriend and i have ben together for a wile and i got theses kiks from other people saying she is cheating on me so today i fliped out and now im sorry for it bc i have nothing on here now if this helps i have found it in my hart that meditation works well with my problem dont let this little problem get the the way when you are goin over the top just breath and it should help say to yourself she would never do that she loves me yes we both got problems i have ben cheated on befor as well but i still have to get over that and im now finally ready to have a real girlfriend and i mess everthing up also dont rush it give her time let her know that the reasion you are doing this is bc you never want to lose her tell her she is the sun to your earth or your fork to her spoon tell her thats she is the only one for you and you wonna hold her and be with her this is all good i hope this helps it helps me time to time just remember she loves you and you love her so go make up
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im going trow it to
