I'm beginning to hate my marriage (guys, call, advice, Latin)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's a combination. This guy is weak. He is in the right and comes back with flowers and an apology. That's weak. No one is denying this girl has issues, but him being a teenage tantrum pleaser type is only making the issues worse.
I just don't think you are looking at it in full...and when you're married, the dynamic is different. It's not like you just get up and walk out forever to teach them a lesson. There's compromise and a whole mess of other behaviors that some of you boys say "you'd never do" because you think it makes you look weak. Like the other poster, there are some crazy assumptions going on here.
Now, I do believe he should tell her calmly that he will not be accepting of the tantrums. In that sense, he shouldn't cave...but to change his entire personality isn't correct. He's not weak if he doesn't want to "put her in her place". You're assuming that will correct her behavior. Again, that may be the case in some scenarios but I don't think it applies here.
If she snapped, due to no change of her husband, the problem is hers. She is now making it his problem. Becoming what you'd say as the "alpha" male will only exacerbate the problem. Look, I have a crazy azz sister who treats ME this way. I had to walk away. I tried every reasoning tool in the bag, every tactic I could think of, tried logic and reason, tried anger, tried EVERYTHING...she's nuts and I CAN'T FIX IT. Some people are just that way. Would you say I'm weak? Even when I apologized? Which I did, btw, to try to calm her down and be a little self deprecating...it didn't work. Just sayin'...
You can't reason with crazy. Why would he try to have a rational conversation with an irrational person? Men like him don't understand that for females like his wife, he can't be rational and expect her to be rational too.
He's making it worse by doing everything he can to fix the issue. He doesn't realize that the problem won't be fixed by him appeasing her. You don't appease crazy people. It doesn't matter if that crazy person is a dictator, a criminal, or an irrational wife, crazy people don't respond to what normal people respond to. You have to nip the problem in the bud early. The more he tries to give into her, apologize, buy flowers, etc., the more she will look at him as weak.
Well, dude, that's what I was saying...how did we miss what each other was saying?
I'm not sure if this is the way a wife should act in the marriage. This is really my first marriage and I'm 25 years old and she's 24.
We've been together for 2 years, engaged for a couple months and married for a year now. The problem is for the past 5 months every time we argue, she gets into these ridiculous tantrums and suddenly it's all my fault all the time. Most of the time I don't even start arguing; she does.
In her tantrums, she stomps on things, calls me the most horrible names and even throws objects. I've having a hard time dealing with her sudden mood swings and so I keep leaving but this is stressing me out. What happened to the woman I once dated, proposed to and married? There weren't these weird tantrums.
It gets to the point I have watch what I'm going say or do because then all this hell starts again and once she gets to that point, it takes her several days later to talk to me.
I just want to make her happy and it seems like I can't do anything right. Last time, I left angrily and this almost caused me to crashed my car. She kept screaming in my face and honestly, she scared me. It seemed like at any time she would have probably hit me or something.
And lately, she's having issues with some of my family members.
Explain to her that this is not appropriate adult behavior and then suggest you both go to counseling.
If she won't take steps to see your side or modify her behavior or see someone about it, then leave.
I hate suggesting leaving, but you can only bang your head against something so many times before it's self-abuse. Thankfully no kids, right?
If she snapped, due to no change of her husband, the problem is hers. She is now making it his problem. Becoming what you'd say as the "alpha" male will only exacerbate the problem. Look, I have a crazy azz sister who treats ME this way. I had to walk away. I tried every reasoning tool in the bag, every tactic I could think of, tried logic and reason, tried anger, tried EVERYTHING...she's nuts and I CAN'T FIX IT. Some people are just that way. Would you say I'm weak? Even when I apologized? Which I did, btw, to try to calm her down and be a little self deprecating...it didn't work. Just sayin'...
Capitol said it best. You cannot reason or rationalize with crazy. The cause of this spiral is the wife breaking the OPs boundries down. She threw a little tantrum here. A little one there. He let it go, in fact, even though she was wrong, apologized. As time passed, she knew what she had to do to get her way and control him and now her HIV of small tantrums is now full blown AIDS.
I stand by my assesment that though she is the problem, him being weak and allowing and enabling this behavior is what got him here. The only solution is to break the weakness and be a man with this child of a woman.
Capitol, I think we agree about the wife but I still don't think that makes the OP a weak man. He really is just trying to figure this whole thing out since she completely flipped on him.
OP, please don't listen to Caddy's "be a dominant male" nonsense. Your wife sounds like she has some mental health issues, not some dominant/weak control issues. This isn't about being The Man. It's about not tolerating abuse and getting the help your wife needs.
I agree.
Either she's a reasonable person or not.
Reasonable people don't need to be "Dominated" by what they consider a "strong male."
She's not a dog that needs an "alpha" (and even that theory is being challenged in the dog world).
Reasonable people treat their loved ones reasonably.
This woman does not sound reasonable.
Emotionally manipulative people are not rational people. They are almost a little evil, in my book.
Capitol said it best. You cannot reason or rationalize with crazy. The cause of this spiral is the wife breaking the OPs boundries down. She threw a little tantrum here. A little one there. He let it go, in fact, even though she was wrong, apologized. As time passed, she knew what she had to do to get her way and control him and now her HIV of small tantrums is now full blown AIDS.
I stand by my assesment that though she is the problem, him being weak and allowing and enabling this behavior is what got him here. The only solution is to break the weakness and be a man with this child of a woman.
This is where we disagree...you are saying that a CRAZY PERSON happened because he allowed her behavior. Wrong. We are responsible for our own behavior. Now some people do take advantage of a calm or gentle nature, walk all over them...but don't think for a minute because someone doesn't play by the same rules that they're weak. Again, you can't win with crazy.
This is where we disagree...you are saying that a CRAZY PERSON happened because he allowed her behavior. Wrong. We are responsible for our own behavior. Now some people do take advantage of a calm or gentle nature, walk all over them...but don't think for a minute because someone doesn't play by the same rules that they're weak. Again, you can't win with crazy.
Oh no. She was crazy from the start. He just wasn't strong enough to keep it check
This is where we disagree...you are saying that a CRAZY PERSON happened because he allowed her behavior. Wrong. We are responsible for our own behavior. Now some people do take advantage of a calm or gentle nature, walk all over them...but don't think for a minute because someone doesn't play by the same rules that they're weak. Again, you can't win with crazy.
If he made it clear from the beginning that he wouldn't tolerate her non-sense and irrational arguments and actually backed up what he said, I guarantee you she wouldn't be like this. She would be doing her best to keep her meal ticket from leaving. Crazy people only respond to strength and dominance, not logic. If she knew he had the strength to leave easily on a dime if she acted up, she wouldn't act up nearly as much.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
