Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Wait to have kids until you have a relationship that's on solid ground and a marriage license.
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Who defines ^^ that as the recipe for success?
I was married 6 years, together 8 years, when we had our son - and now an early 30's divorcee and single parent with an absentee father by my son's 1st birthday. This part is not guaranteeing success.
OP -- To answer your questions, don't look at what he has DONE, but more what he is DOING. And, for your own sake, don't idealize your own parent's marriage. Their success is based on what sounds like a co-dependent dysfunction - is that true love?
People make poor decisions and pregnancy happens between two people that are not good mates at all. Unfortunately, this is a fact of life. I can't explain why humans are so stupid in this context, but .. they are.
There was a point in her pregnancy that "THEY" (not just him, takes 2 to tango) decided they were not a good match and split directions. In a lot of ways, this decision is for the better of the child - a child does not deserve to grow up in a household where the parents hate each other and it only continues the trend of teaching poor relationship skills.
Now, there is a good possibility that the decision to split was based off superficial BS they could have worked through. And this would be where maturity steps in. One or both parties either have it - or, they don't. Huge factor.
So, what is your BF now DOING to show he is changing the tide to become a better person and partner? Has he learned from his past mistakes? Is he growing up and maturing into a better man? THOSE are the items you need to look at.