Just Tired after all these years (how to, marriage, woman, husband)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am 62 and my husband is 65. I have known him since I was 13 years old. We have been married 43 years. No children. I am tired. We have been through a lot, cancer, heart attack, pain pill addiction, lots of broken bones and arthritis hence, pain pill addiction. Now we argue about a whether a table was setting up or folded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was set up because I had things on it but he doesn't remember it at all and it was his stuff on it. He says he mowed the yard all summer last year and I did it. He has bad rotator cuffs and arthritis and I always mowed it. When he sees a bump in the road he all but wants me to stop and go over it like a huge speed bump. I could go on and on but I am just worn out with him. Sometimes I don't want him around anymore. Has anyone been in this situation ? I could really use some input, positive or negative, I don't care. Thank you all.
Although your ages put you in retirement territory (whehter you are still working or not), doesn't your post really belong in the Relationships Forum? It really has to do with relationships, not retirement per se.
Although your ages put you in retirement territory (whehter you are still working or not), doesn't your post really belong in the Relationships Forum? It really has to do with relationships, not retirement per se.
Well you're probably right but the relationships forum is full of teenybop problems and young guys wanting to know how to score with a girl, so perhaps her post belongs more here where posters her age can relate and respond with experience and empathy. Her thread would move quickly to the bottom and out on other forums. I'll think about her question and reply in a minute.
I am 62 and my husband is 65. I have known him since I was 13 years old. We have been married 43 years. No children. I am tired. We have been through a lot, cancer, heart attack, pain pill addiction, lots of broken bones and arthritis hence, pain pill addiction. Now we argue about a whether a table was setting up or folded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was set up because I had things on it but he doesn't remember it at all and it was his stuff on it. He says he mowed the yard all summer last year and I did it. He has bad rotator cuffs and arthritis and I always mowed it. When he sees a bump in the road he all but wants me to stop and go over it like a huge speed bump. I could go on and on but I am just worn out with him. Sometimes I don't want him around anymore. Has anyone been in this situation ? I could really use some input, positive or negative, I don't care. Thank you all.
Okay, I'm thinking. Tired in general? Or tired of spouse? Many longtime couples at our age get fed up but deal with that in different ways, usually indifference and avoidance. Those I know who seem to have your state of mind about a spouse sleep separately, even eat separately, and live parallel lives interacting, as I said, with tolerance and indifference, not even having the energy to express much or fight. It's a blah existence.
Physical problems like you describe take a terrible toll on the healthier spouse. I get irritated when mine often says "what?" when he can't hear what I say, or when I can't hear him because he sometimes speaks in a low tone (what's wrong with him?? lol).
And then there's overfamiliarity....just being with someone so long that the taste has gone out of the bubblegum.
Don't try to change or fix him. Work on yourself and everything you can do to lift yourself up - go on a mad roll uncharacteristic of yourself. Surprise yourself. Get creative with your looks, your home, your pastimes. Do a makeover on as many levels as you can. He will either catch on and spruce up his ways, or he will stay where he is and you will move on naturally. Also, the fact that he is not in good health may indicate the benefit of a cleansing makeover diet for both of you, which can work wonders from the inside out.
I would say you are spending too much time together. Get away and get some happy things/activities for yourself. When there is a fight coming on, immediately "divorce" yourself from it and go do something else. Who cares who mowed the lawn? It doesn't matter in the least. Pick the fights that are really really important and let the others go. I think alot of couples get to this stage, especially after spending so much of their lives together. A long long marriage isn't always a good thing. I always thought it would be better if we could "switch" partners every 10 years.
Didn't you also just relocate to Florida after many months of searching for someplace and then decided you hated it ....or he did?(Do I have the right poster?)
That alone is a stressful event.
Is his health good ....is there a possibility of a medical issue...other than the obvious?
Or is he the way he always has been and it's just getting to be too much for too long?
we all get down OP, Im finding at my OLD age of 45, you just got to set goals and keep moving forward best you can, and goals don't have to be big, Hell at one time years ago, a big goal was when I wake up tomorrow im going to get up and put my socks on, that's right'' it was a goal. and if I can get my socks on maybe I can do a few things.... took a few times for me to get that goal...but I did, it was after 1 of 3 of my back surgeries, or maybe one of my hip replacements, Both have been replaced before I was even 38... then add in having to be hit with difibulators 3 times over the years because my hart pops out of rhythm.. but a little over a year ago the Dr's did a Hart ablation on me, soo hoping thats done n done...
life is funny, after all this above, Last fall I was at our cottage in Indiana, and someone in a pickup truck blasted me off my putt putt scooter and left me on the side of the road for dead.. when they found me, they were going to air lift me, but weather was getting bad, so they hauled me 91 miles south by ambulance to Indianapolis, where I woke up 2 days later...
well im at work at the moment, so I better go, you know everyday I come to work I look up n say thank you god, I have to, I have a 7 n 5 year old at home counting on me...
I am 62 and my husband is 65. I have known him since I was 13 years old. We have been married 43 years. No children. I am tired. We have been through a lot, cancer, heart attack, pain pill addiction, lots of broken bones and arthritis hence, pain pill addiction. Now we argue about a whether a table was setting up or folded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was set up because I had things on it but he doesn't remember it at all and it was his stuff on it. He says he mowed the yard all summer last year and I did it. He has bad rotator cuffs and arthritis and I always mowed it. When he sees a bump in the road he all but wants me to stop and go over it like a huge speed bump. I could go on and on but I am just worn out with him. Sometimes I don't want him around anymore. Has anyone been in this situation ? I could really use some input, positive or negative, I don't care. Thank you all.
Has he been seen by a Physician? Perhaps he is in the early stages of dementia (sp), or Alzheimers.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It was set up because I had things on it but he doesn't remember it at all and it was his stuff on it. He says he mowed the yard all summer last year and I did it. He has bad rotator cuffs and arthritis and I always mowed it. When he sees a bump in the road he all but wants me to stop and go over it like a huge speed bump. I could go on and on but I am just worn out with him. Sometimes I don't want him around anymore. Has anyone been in this situation ? I could really use some input, positive or negative, I don't care. Thank you all.
