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I'm new to online dating and I find myself asking these questions and unsure of what the answers are. I know everyone's going to have different opinions, but I was hoping that hearing multiple answers might help me decide how I feel.
So, what do you think:
1) I'm a female in my mid-30s. How long should I date and look for my "soulmate" before throwing in the towel and settling? 2 years? Never?
2) Ideally, I would like to have my own biological children with my spouse. Should this play a role in how long I search for a partner (i.e., should the search have time constraints because I want children)? Or should I just look for a compatible partner and not worry about having children at all?
3) If a person doesn't have obvious incompatibilities with me and we have the same life goals, but I'm not "feeling it" or attracted to him, how long should I date him before I cut him loose? A few dates? Immediately?
4) If I want more "between date" attention from a guy via text, should I ask for it from him? Should I wait for him to initiate it? Should I not ask for it but rather initiate it myself?
5) How many dates does it typically take to know that the relationship has future potential? 4 dates? More?
I'm new to online dating and I find myself asking these questions and unsure of what the answers are. I know everyone's going to have different opinions, but I was hoping that hearing multiple answers might help me decide how I feel.
So, what do you think:
1) I'm a female in my mid-30s. How long should I date and look for my "soulmate" before throwing in the towel and settling? 2 years? Never?
2) Ideally, I would like to have my own biological children with my spouse. Should this play a role in how long I search for a partner (i.e., should the search have time constraints because I want children)? Or should I just look for a compatible partner and not worry about having children at all?
3) If a person doesn't have obvious incompatibilities with me and we have the same life goals, but I'm not "feeling it" or attracted to him, how long should I date him before I cut him loose? A few dates? Immediately?
4) If I want more "between date" attention from a guy via text, should I ask for it from him? Should I wait for him to initiate it? Should I not ask for it but rather initiate it myself?
5) How many dates does it typically take to know that the relationship has future potential? 4 dates? More?
Just chill, play it by ear and do what you think seems right. If you don't like something, move on.
I'm new to online dating and I find myself asking these questions and unsure of what the answers are. I know everyone's going to have different opinions, but I was hoping that hearing multiple answers might help me decide how I feel.
So, what do you think:
1) I'm a female in my mid-30s. How long should I date and look for my "soulmate" before throwing in the towel and settling? 2 years? Never?
2) Ideally, I would like to have my own biological children with my spouse. Should this play a role in how long I search for a partner (i.e., should the search have time constraints because I want children)? Or should I just look for a compatible partner and not worry about having children at all?
3) If a person doesn't have obvious incompatibilities with me and we have the same life goals, but I'm not "feeling it" or attracted to him, how long should I date him before I cut him loose? A few dates? Immediately?
4) If I want more "between date" attention from a guy via text, should I ask for it from him? Should I wait for him to initiate it? Should I not ask for it but rather initiate it myself?
5) How many dates does it typically take to know that the relationship has future potential? 4 dates? More?
1. I would say never to settle. Yes that might mean never having kids but on the other hand do you want to be searching years from now again, only with kids?
2. I was searching with the idea of having kids but then switched to seeking a partner I liked first then worrying about kids. I didn't want to have kids with someone I wasn't into.
3. Depends. I've had guys tell me right away after a date they weren't feeling it and I have done it too, on the other hand I have given it time. Sometimes it happens, but most of the time doesn't.
4. I generally wait for attention because if you give it to him right away he might get scared. I've had men flee when I gave more attention and other times I did the fleeing.
5. There is no set time, but usually I know within 2 dates if there is potential.
1) I'm a female in my mid-30s. How long should I date and look for my "soulmate" before throwing in the towel and settling? 2 years? Never?
Never retreat, baby, never surrender .
I'm with the no-settling camp.
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2) Ideally, I would like to have my own biological children with my spouse. Should this play a role in how long I search for a partner (i.e., should the search have time constraints because I want children)? Or should I just look for a compatible partner and not worry about having children at all?
I can't answer this for you. You have to choose your own priorities.
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3) If a person doesn't have obvious incompatibilities with me and we have the same life goals, but I'm not "feeling it" or attracted to him, how long should I date him before I cut him loose? A few dates? Immediately?
I know a couple who were like this, and they married and had kids. They fell in love gradually, over time. For the first couple of years, they had to work hard at the relationship.
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4) If I want more "between date" attention from a guy via text, should I ask for it from him? Should I wait for him to initiate it? Should I not ask for it but rather initiate it myself?
Depends on what kind of guy you want. One who is unthreatened by you asking for things you want from him? Or one who eases your fears by doing all the pursuing?
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5) How many dates does it typically take to know that the relationship has future potential? 4 dates? More?
Gosh. I know most won't work within the first 30 minutes. Historically, with me, if they make it to date #2 the next hurdle is usually a couple years down the road . But I think I should change that.
Are you worrying about getting older? If so, don't be.
No doubt there are one or two very shallow and strange older people who remain focused on 'young flesh' as a priority for their choice of partner, but in my experience most people have a little more depth than that.
I am going to be 29 this year, I know I will never "settle". I love myself too much to do that.
When I dabbled on online dating, my main priority is to find someone who loves me more than I love them. Of course it ain't easy to find especially from perfect strangers online but I found my husband. He is just everything (except his not wanting kids) I want.
MY husband is more of a doer than all talk - EXACTLY what I want. That made him stood out. He respects me, he is gentle. He just does everything right when we were dating. I also felt so comfortable in his house when I first went there.
For me your barrage of questions is insignificant in finding the person for you. It really is all about comfort. Well at least for me. Also you would know. Also risk is involved. It's up to you to decide, if it feels right then go for it. My husband actually told me he took a gamble on me and when I ask what he means. He said he told me he loves me early on like within 1st month of dating without knowing what my reaction would be.
I also know I love the way my husband loves me coz prior to him, I dated a guy for 5 months and their way of showing they like me is obviously different in so many levels. The guy I didn't marry is not all out, have selfish tendencies while my husband is ALL OUT, and very selfless, still is. And that's why I married him.
1) I'm a female in my mid-30s. How long should I date and look for my "soulmate" before throwing in the towel and settling? 2 years? Never?
There are no soulmates. There are only more or less compatible people. As for settling? Never settle. Just be sure your standards are realistic for who and what you are and can offer. Most people tend to think of themselves as better than they are - it's normal, but can lead to poor decisions.
2) Ideally, I would like to have my own biological children with my spouse. Should this play a role in how long I search for a partner (i.e., should the search have time constraints because I want children)? Or should I just look for a compatible partner and not worry about having children at all?
Look for someone compatible, or just look for the best genes you can get. If you're not very compatible, you may get their genes, but eventually lose the relationship/marriage. What do you want long term? I assume it's a good marriage AND kids, but if you had to choose one or the other, which is more important in the long term?
I also suggest you be very clear that you are seeking long-term, marriage, and children sooner rather than later. You will still have to weed out the players, ditherers, and other time wasters. Don't worry about it - just move on to the next when you discover this is the case.
3) If a person doesn't have obvious incompatibilities with me and we have the same life goals, but I'm not "feeling it" or attracted to him, how long should I date him before I cut him loose? A few dates? Immediately?
As soon as you're sure that you're not attracted. Sometimes, a few dates are needed to decide, especially if someone is hard to get a "read" on. And sometimes, a person will grow on you - more likely this may happen if they are great except for some minor physical traits you don't like. NEVER compromise on character.
4) If I want more "between date" attention from a guy via text, should I ask for it from him? Should I wait for him to initiate it? Should I not ask for it but rather initiate it myself?
Be upfront, but wait a date or two, at least, before getting into this. Some guys like lots of contact, some feel smothered. If they aren't somewhat on the same page as you, it may be a sign of deeper emotional incompatibility.
5) How many dates does it typically take to know that the relationship has future potential? 4 dates? More?
It depends on how well you - and they - can get a sense of a person. For me, it's usually 2 to 4 dates. However, to be sure of a person (that they truly are the person you believe they are) can take at least 6 months, and usually a year or more, and usually requires seeing them in a variety of difficult situations. Or take a long road trip together (no details planned in advance) - that usually reveals character flaws!
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