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A poster said some people, with difficulty dating would prefer arranged marriages with divorces difficult to obtain. I doubt it. Maybe a tiny minority. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to put up a poll.
You are likely to end up with someone you are not compatible with, and you will be two people living together living separate lives. I see no reason to get a arranged marriage when I can find an amazing partner myself.
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divorces difficult to obtain
However, I would wish divorce was a little bit harder to obtain. In most business contracts there is a penalty of breaking a contract, but in marriage it doesn't matter who abandons who.
I see no reason to get a arranged marriage when I can find an amazing partner myself.
And that really is the crux of the whole problem. If a person could find "an amazing partner" purely by personal initiative, then an arranged marriage would be silly and crass. If not, not.
I won't speak for myself here, but I will mention a number of men who have posted recently bemoaning their inability to find a partner. Granted, some of these fellows have severe problems... mental imbalance, personality disorders, antediluvian opinions about gender roles, no job or assets, and other complications that must be sorted first, before they become marriage-material. However, there were plenty of others who at least by cursory evidence sound entirely reasonable, yet they felt shut out of the market.
Consider things this way: dating is hard work. I already work 60-70 hours a week at my regular job. My energies are devoted to said job. I lack the time or energy to work a second shift, prowling the bars or churches or personals-ads for my one great and abiding love. Modern America basically says, "Tough luck, buddy; if you want it that badly, you'll have to contribute the effort". Really? This is why it's so difficult to be favorably disposed to the ethos of modern America.
You are likely to end up with someone you are not compatible with, and you will be two people living together living separate lives. I see no reason to get a arranged marriage when I can find an amazing partner myself.
However, I would wish divorce was a little bit harder to obtain. In most business contracts there is a penalty of breaking a contract, but in marriage it doesn't matter who abandons who.
Why would you want divorces to be more difficult? Do you believe people should be trapped by law to stay together even though they don't love each other anymore, especially in the cases where there are no kids involved?
And that really is the crux of the whole problem. If a person could find "an amazing partner" purely by personal initiative, then an arranged marriage would be silly and crass. If not, not.
I won't speak for myself here, but I will mention a number of men who have posted recently bemoaning their inability to find a partner. Granted, some of these fellows have severe problems... mental imbalance, personality disorders, antediluvian opinions about gender roles, no job or assets, and other complications that must be sorted first, before they become marriage-material. However, there were plenty of others who at least by cursory evidence sound entirely reasonable, yet they felt shut out of the market.
Consider things this way: dating is hard work. I already work 60-70 hours a week at my regular job. My energies are devoted to said job. I lack the time or energy to work a second shift, prowling the bars or churches or personals-ads for my one great and abiding love. Modern America basically says, "Tough luck, buddy; if you want it that badly, you'll have to contribute the effort". Really? This is why it's so difficult to be favorably disposed to the ethos of modern America.
So the crux of it is that an arranged marriage would be more convenient to your schedule?
See, I have this fear that an arranged marriage would have put me in a dead relationship. Yeah, he might have been more financially stable than me and SO were in the beginning. But we loved each other from day one. I don't just want an OK husband. I wanted one as eager to please me as I am to please him. What if I got tied down to a jerk?
I found my husband all on my own and I'm happy with him. I had/have no interest or need for an arranged marriage.
we loved each other from day one. I don't just want an OK husband. I wanted one as eager to please me as I am to please him.
I respect that; but with all due respect, my values are different. An "OK" wife is precisely what I'd prefer. People aren't saints, or unique puzzle-pieces that interlock with precisely one unique complementary piece out there. A basic confluence of values is all that's needed for compatibility. Then comes the really hard work of building a joint life.
I do not wish to become the shining star for my spouse, nor for her to expect that from me. Love, in my view, is something that can only develop over time. On the day that I married my (now-ex) wife, it's unlikely that we loved each other. We respected each other and were positively disposed to building a life together. It was only years later that the stock phrase, "I love you", came to be operationally true. Infatuation is a wonderful thing, but I'd be leery of conflating it with love. Infatuation can happen on the first date. Love takes 100 dates.
I respect that; but with all due respect, my values are different. An "OK" wife is precisely what I'd prefer. People aren't saints, or unique puzzle-pieces that interlock with precisely one unique complementary piece out there. A basic confluence of values is all that's needed for compatibility. Then comes the really hard work of building a joint life.
I do not wish to become the shining star for my spouse, nor for her to expect that from me. Love, in my view, is something that can only develop over time. On the day that I married my (now-ex) wife, it's unlikely that we loved each other. We respected each other and were positively disposed to building a life together. It was only years later that the stock phrase, "I love you", came to be operationally true. Infatuation is a wonderful thing, but I'd be leery of conflating it with love. Infatuation can happen on the first date. Love takes 100 dates.
I don't believe in soul mates or anything like that. But I'd never trust a state or parents or someone else to select a life partner for me. And I wouldn't make vows before I loved a man.
Arranged marriage is contrary of natural selection. Who is nation who have arranged marriage? You answer. And who are ugliest people at this planet? Yours idea do not have any chance in Western world nor Eastern Europe.
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