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It's not as easy as it sounds. I've been with someone for the last 2 years and the relationship is now a cluster F of headaches. Constant nagging. He clings. He needs too much. He is also very young (too young for me) and the more I see him the more I think he is just a boy, not a man.
I have never abruptly discontinued speaking to someone. There has always been a dramatic ending. We split, but it's a process. For this guy, I think that the process has extended itself so long over a period of time and our relationship has been dead for so long that there doesn't need to be a sit down conversation about how I feel or what I want. We don't need to meet over drinks or coffee or have a conversation at all to determine should we continue or not.
What I would like to do is just stop responding to him completely. I've NEVER done this and it's difficult. I find myself responding all the time, and if I don't he automatically jumps to "oh you're ignoring me" and it starts a huge fight. He comes to my house without permission. Shows up to places I go to with friends, and starts altercations in public to the point where not only have I been extremely embarrassed but I've declined invitations to meet my friends out in public until this situation is diffused.
I don't want to be with him anymore. And the best thing for me to do is to quietly just stop being with him..so how can I do it without unnecessary closure, without the final fight..
how do any of you ignore someone you don't want to communicate with? Your comments and insight are very appreciated
when he next gets to the "you're ignoring me" say "yes I am because I don't want you to contact me any more." (and then never answer him again.) Harsh, but not that hard to do over text. If it's really as bad as you say and he's really this clueless you are doing him a favor to give him the harsh truth.
2 years I think warrants a break up talk. Just make a clean cut, it's over don't contact me anymore. That way there's no confusion on his part. If he doesn't say away a RO may be in order. Good luck.
This guy engages in passive violation - intruding on your life, your space, your privacy. Get a restraining order. That will be the dramatic ending. Any further contact and he gets chrome bracelets. Carry an audio recorder. Live your life. When you are in public, protect your life by carrying what is needed to keep him at bay. Those little plastic lemons in the stores - they can be used as good as mace. Get good at your aim. There is no law against carrying lemons. Put punctuation at the end of your sentences. And continue in that fashion until he is a memory.
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
11,078 posts, read 15,082,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie stix
It's not as easy as it sounds. I've been with someone for the last 2 years and the relationship is now a cluster F of headaches. Constant nagging. He clings. He needs too much. He is also very young (too young for me) and the more I see him the more I think he is just a boy, not a man.
I have never abruptly discontinued speaking to someone. There has always been a dramatic ending. We split, but it's a process. For this guy, I think that the process has extended itself so long over a period of time and our relationship has been dead for so long that there doesn't need to be a sit down conversation about how I feel or what I want. We don't need to meet over drinks or coffee or have a conversation at all to determine should we continue or not.
What I would like to do is just stop responding to him completely. I've NEVER done this and it's difficult. I find myself responding all the time, and if I don't he automatically jumps to "oh you're ignoring me" and it starts a huge fight. He comes to my house without permission. Shows up to places I go to with friends, and starts altercations in public to the point where not only have I been extremely embarrassed but I've declined invitations to meet my friends out in public until this situation is diffused.
I don't want to be with him anymore. And the best thing for me to do is to quietly just stop being with him..so how can I do it without unnecessary closure, without the final fight..
how do any of you ignore someone you don't want to communicate with? Your comments and insight are very appreciated
Just ignore them..that simple.
If you are truly done with this person,ask him to not contact you anymore or the next call made will be to the Sheriff's office and he can talk to them..that should be it if he's not goofy...if he calls again,make good on your threat without hesitation and if that doesn't do the trick,go to the circuit clerk and ask for an Order of Protection/restraining Order.
I don't want to be mean, say cruel things or get really dramatic. As for the sit down conversation about ending our relationship..I don't know where to begin, we've had it so many times. We just haven't let go. I think that's the hard part.
Maybe I don't know how to move on as badly as I would like to. Any suggestions about that..how do we move on? It probably sounds pretty extreme for me to just pull the plug, but I feel like it's fight or flight now and I sure as heck don't want to fight anymore. It's exhausting.
It's not as easy as it sounds. I've been with someone for the last 2 years and the relationship is now a cluster F of headaches. Constant nagging. He clings. He needs too much. He is also very young (too young for me) and the more I see him the more I think he is just a boy, not a man.
I have never abruptly discontinued speaking to someone. There has always been a dramatic ending. We split, but it's a process. For this guy, I think that the process has extended itself so long over a period of time and our relationship has been dead for so long that there doesn't need to be a sit down conversation about how I feel or what I want. We don't need to meet over drinks or coffee or have a conversation at all to determine should we continue or not.
What I would like to do is just stop responding to him completely. I've NEVER done this and it's difficult. I find myself responding all the time, and if I don't he automatically jumps to "oh you're ignoring me" and it starts a huge fight. He comes to my house without permission. Shows up to places I go to with friends, and starts altercations in public to the point where not only have I been extremely embarrassed but I've declined invitations to meet my friends out in public until this situation is diffused.
I don't want to be with him anymore. And the best thing for me to do is to quietly just stop being with him..so how can I do it without unnecessary closure, without the final fight..
how do any of you ignore someone you don't want to communicate with? Your comments and insight are very appreciated
If you have been seeing him for 2 years or so, he deserves a straight forward comment: "I'm sorry to tell you but our relationship is over...nothing you did that you can correct, I just no longer have feelings for you and think it best if we stop all contact." THEN if he continues to text, visit, etc., you can move into more aggressive actions. But if you have had a lover for that long and haven't already had a talk or in some way let him know you want to end the relationship, as an adult you should at least tell him straight out. To just suddenly begin ignoring him is childish.
2 years I think warrants a break up talk. Just make a clean cut, it's over don't contact me anymore. That way there's no confusion on his part. If he doesn't say away a RO may be in order. Good luck.
If you have been seeing him for 2 years or so, he deserves a straight forward comment: "I'm sorry to tell you but our relationship is over...nothing you did that you can correct, I just no longer have feelings for you and think it best if we stop all contact." THEN if he continues to text, visit, etc., you can move into more aggressive actions. But if you have had a lover for that long and haven't already had a talk or in some way let him know you want to end the relationship, as an adult you should at least tell him straight out. To just suddenly begin ignoring him is childish.
And this too.
OP, you need to be clear and firm, and then stop talking to him ... and hope that makes the unwanted attention go away.
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