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LOL she has just experienced trouble and wants to go for it again? People truly keep making the same mistakes.
LOL, a poster who thinks that a person who got divorced must have experienced trouble. Here's a news flash for you. Not everyone who decides to get a divorce had a bad marriage. And not everyone thinking of dating after a divorce is looking to get married again.
LOL, a poster who thinks that a person who got divorced must have experienced trouble. Here's a news flash for you. Not everyone who decides to get a divorce had a bad marriage. And not everyone thinking of dating after a divorce is looking to get married again.
I definitely don't plan to. I'm glad to take all the romance and companionship without any of the dirty socks to wash.
A friend of mine is about to finalize her divorce. When she got married, she was in her late 20s. Now she's in her 40s. She never had kids, has a stable career, and is parting with her husband on good terms. While she's in no rush to start dating again, she knows that she'll eventually want to be in a relationship again. She asked me what to expect as far dating goes. Being a never-married male in his 30s, I told her I probably wasn't the best person to answer her question. But here's some of what I offered.
You'll meet more men who've been married before, many of whom have kids.
A lot of the men will no longer be in the best shape.
Many will be jaded about relationships.
Many will not be interested in you because you're over 40.
A lot of younger men might pursue you wanting to live out their cougar fantasies.
Basically, most of what I could come up with was negative, but I'd rather not paint such a discouraging picture. I was trying to find some positive things to say, but it was hard. Sure, a lot of men will like that she doesn't have kids. And she's still fairly attractive, though I'm sure some men will consider her a bit overweight. They'll also like that she's financially stable and that she doesn't come across as angry or bitter about her divorce.
So help me out here. For the folks over 40, particularly the women, what would you say to my friend about the realities of dating after 40?
If she is a HOT 40 it shouldn't be a issue. But if she is a overweight ran down looking 40 then it maybe a little challenging
Partly, it will depend on her skill in finding and seeking what she wants, rather than passively waiting to be found - the latter may work, but limits the selection to those who contact you.
This is true in any age group. Being passive rarely gets what you want in life. I know a lot of still think it's unladylike to make the first move and ask a man out. But sitting back and waiting for someone to find you could result in a lot of waiting.
It depends to be honest. I did have a hard time with men online but found men offline. For me though it is a bit harder because I am never married, childless and wanted the same. I refused to settle though and found what I wanted.
It's a real mixed bag, IME. I was widowed at 46 and, like your friend, childless (by choice, in my case) and financially stable. First guy I dated was 5 yrs older, met him at church, and he had older kids. But he freaked me out! Way too intense, too fast. Plus, it just felt weird to be going out with someone. Second guy was also about 5 yrs older, met him through a friend. He had 2 grown kids too, but it just didn't work out. We lost interest. Bachelor #3 was younger by 6 years and had 2 younger kids. I met him at a club. Bachelor #4 was also younger by 7 or 8 years. Never married; no kids. I met him at a club.
Observations on my dating experiences above:
* They all lasted about 2 months. That seemed to be the length of time it took me to determine that they were or weren't worth continuing to see.
* The guys I met at clubs were younger. Hmmm, I just noticed that. Interesting. The others were older. Even split of 2 younger - 2 older.
* Most of the guys I met had kids.
* Every one of those guys had baggage. I don't mean that in a bad way, but they either had kids, ex-spouses, or some really bizarre background that explained why they didn't have kids (desertion from the El Salvadoran rebel army -- seriously). Well, okay, some of the baggage was the "I don't want to have to deal with this guy's baggage" variety, but not all of it.
* I had no interest in online dating. I wasn't actively LOOKING for a relationship. I was just enjoying the company and experiences, so there was no reason to actively hunt. If I met a guy who was interesting enough to date, I'd consider dating him. But I was much less interested in dating (and dating them) than they were.
* Dating was awkward, just because I was out of practice.
So all that was in the course of a year. And then ... BAM! Met a guy, fell madly in love, can't live without him. Dating him is the easiest thing I've ever done. Go figure.
It depends to be honest. I did have a hard time with men online but found men offline. For me though it is a bit harder because I am never married, childless and wanted the same. I refused to settle though and found what I wanted.
Wanted the same???? LOL
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