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Dump her now because I guarantee you the sex won't get better, it will only get worse. And please don't marry her and give her a baby because at that point she won't even touch anymore and will make all kinds of excuses to avoid you.
This may be the case, but if so, it's extremely bad excuse. If these women are not feeling loved or appreciated, they need to speak up, they need to ask for what they want, and if they do not get it, they need to leave. Why are they being passive aggressive? Sometime the guy may be clueless about the cause - remember, no-one is a mind reader. Some will want to fix it and will respond to the problem supportively, and some won't - find out which it is and if it's the latter, break up with him. Or do you want him to do that for you too, when he's reached his limit?
May times we DO speak up but are completely ignored, or told we're overreacting or told we're nagging. I was told by my ex that I just needed to 'get over it' and quit nagging him about it and that it was 'just the way he was'.
So yeah, we broke up. I did try though, for months.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to improve the situation from her perspective. Tell her what she can do to improve it from your perspective.
Be prepared to meet her half way. You may end up with 3 times a week, and not your 4 or her 2, and I wouldn't be a churl about it if I were you because relationships do require some compromise and neither your balls will swell up nor your weener fall off if you get it once less per week than your ideal.
However, if nothing changes after a month, get rid of her. You're sexually incompatible.
Dump her now because I guarantee you the sex won't get better, it will only get worse. And please don't marry her and give her a baby because at that point she won't even touch anymore and will make all kinds of excuses to avoid you.
Are you kidding??
They have a great relationship!
They have sex once a week!!
Why is a relationship based just on sex??!!
I'd bet she is sore. Maybe he sucks at sex.
Plus, for the record...women's sex drive speeds up in their 30's!
Having a baby can Hotwire her sex drive too.
I would not throw away my best friend cause I need sex 4 frickn times a week!!! I think that is soooooo selfish!
They have a great relationship!
They have sex once a week!!
Why is a relationship based just on sex??!!
I'd bet she is sore. Maybe he sucks at sex.
Plus, for the record...women's sex drive speeds up in their 30's!
Having a baby can Hotwire her sex drive too.
I would not throw away my best friend cause I need sex 4 frickn times a week!!! I think that is soooooo selfish!
Well, in all honesty, OP said in the OP that she was "never affectionate." Not sure what he expected "after the honeymoon" with that in the first place. So it's not like OP has no fault in this, himself. He ignored a very big sign in the beginning.
And where is the OP, anyway? Was this one of those one-hit wonders? Honestly, I wonder if people shouldn't be allowed to start threads until they've made a certain number of posts on other people's threads, first.
They have a great relationship!
They have sex once a week!!
Why is a relationship based just on sex??!!
I'd bet she is sore. Maybe he sucks at sex.
Plus, for the record...women's sex drive speeds up in their 30's!
Having a baby can Hotwire her sex drive too.
I would not throw away my best friend cause I need sex 4 frickn times a week!!! I think that is soooooo selfish!
Because a relationship without sex is just friends. Just friends who aren't allowed to look elsewhere to have their needs met. It's not selfish at all. If things are already like this after 8 months, I don't think that's a very good sign. She shouldn't have to try harder - she should want to be you. I can see having to put work into things after 20 years, but after 8 months?? You guys should still be all over each other.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. Things between us are amazing in just about every way except in the bedroom. We have more in common than i've ever had with a woman before and are always playing and just having a good time. When we travel or just go out and explore we always have a good time. She has never been a very affectionate person and I am very very affectionate but up until recently we've always had GREAT sex and OFTEN (at least 4 times a week). Granted, 4 times a week is probably pretty rare in relationships that are out of their "honeymoon" phase but now its down to once or MAYBE twice a week which kills me. When we do have sex I feel like I have to ask her to do it and she doesn't seem to really be "there" during any more. Oral sex simply does not happen, at least for me. I've talked to her about it and she said that she'd "try harder" which has not happened. I miss that part of our relationship and feeling wanted like that is important to me and helps me to feel secure and happy in relationships. I don't know what to do. Any advice or just your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again.
AJ
If there is no physical reason for this lack of interest (a medical condition, some kind of medication etc) and no recent emotional upset in her life (death of a friend, grandparent, pet etc) you need to face one of two possibilities....
the relationship has about run its course and she's not in it for the long haul
or
she is resenting something you have done or not done that needs to be addressed.
Hi OP. I have to admit when I first saw your title I thought you weren't getting any. I think what you are getting is ok. Sounds normal. Every relationship is different. Can vary anywhere from 20 times a week + to 1 time a week -. Does depend on the other person and if you can adjust to their needs. There will usually be one with a higher sex drive. You have told her you are hoping for more. If you made it more fun for her that would be a way to make her want it more. Not that you're not fun in bed (how would I know? , just an example) but being excited to have sex with her and willing to put in the foreplay and doing little things to make her life easier. Also extra special dates, take her somewhere unique, dinner and movie is great but there are so many other interesting thing to do that might be a turn on for her, just the excitement of something different. Being skilled at what you do is great too. Communicate what you like with oral and learn some new tricks for her. Romance her like you did at the beginning. I'd guess if you follow everyone's posted suggestions (within reason) things will pick up for you soon.
Had to edit after reading. I don't think he should break up with her. I'm surprised at some of the responses.
Last edited by lastwomanstanding; 06-12-2013 at 02:00 PM..
My guess is she is no longer attracted to you and this relationship is on the decline. There are good suggestions on this thread for married couples facing this issue, but for a relatively short relationship suggesting a trip together to the gyno etc isn't going to happen. My best suggestion is that you explain to her how sex is something that bonds you together. A lot of women in their 20s don't understand that aspect about forming a loving relationship with a man. They think "why must we be just about sex" without getting that for a man, it is a way to bond emotionally.
Be prepared to meet her half way. You may end up with 3 times a week,
Just for some perspective, OP, at your age, you should be having it 3 times/day, or thereabouts. If there's not a medical or psychological fix for this, you may have to move on, if you feel the sexual compatibility is as important as all the other factors you listed.
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