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So I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month. We are of different religions (however neither of us are particularly religious). The other night we were on the phone and I had mentioned how my father is somewhat religious and sometimes gets upset that I'm not as much into our faith as he would like. So the guy I'm seeing said "does your father not want you to date guys outside your religion"? And I said "well he's never come right out and said that" to which he said "but it's implied isn't it"? And I said yes.
Now I'm not sure what this guy is looking for with me, a couple of weeks ago he was basically telling me how he's not sure if he's looking for something serious and all. BTW he brought that up all on his own I didn't even mention anything on the topic of where this is going or getting serious, I think it's way too early to discuss that. But I'm a bit confused, if this guy isn't looking for anything serious what does he care what my father thinks? Or maybe he was just making conversation, I'm really not sure. Just wanted to know what you guys think?
I think you should ask this guy exactly what he means. He is the ONLY ONE who knows why he asked what he did and he is the ONLY ONE who can answer your questions. A bunch of strangers on a public forum could not even give a remotely close to good guess based on the fact that none of us know you or him.
Have a real conversation with this guy and ask him then go from there.
I think you should ask this guy exactly what he means. He is the ONLY ONE who knows why he asked what he did and he is the ONLY ONE who can answer your questions. A bunch of strangers on a public forum could not even give a remotely close to good guess based on the fact that none of us know you or him.
Have a real conversation with this guy and ask him then go from there.
I just don't want to ask him and freak him out in case I'm reading too much into this.
Try something like, 'So, are you still ruling out anything serious with us?' You don't even have to mention your dad unless he asks why you were wondering.
If he's freaked out by that then he is too unable to cope with life .
i dont think you should have concluded a yes....when he asked that question,,,if you didnt want to deal with potential fall out
you could have said "he doesnt like the fact that im not that religious,,and leave it at that,,,,but by implying this will potentially offend your father,,,,,, maybe this was a huge deal in his past,,,and is a big red flag...
and even if it is an issue with your father,,,you could have said "if it is an issue with him, i'll take care of it" "im not that religious, and its not right that he holds you to a higher standard" i'll clear the air with him
I think you should ask this guy exactly what he means. He is the ONLY ONE who knows why he asked what he did and he is the ONLY ONE who can answer your questions. A bunch of strangers on a public forum could not even give a remotely close to good guess based on the fact that none of us know you or him.
Have a real conversation with this guyand ask him then go from there.
Agreed.
[the sooner everyone knows each other's positions on the matter, the better...]
Well he's the one that asked me point blank if my dad would be ok with it, and I just answered honestly. But I did let him know that religion is not important to me.
I also don't feel like this would be huge deal breaker for him if he was really into me.
You gave an incorrect answer when the guy said that your father implied that he might not want his daughter dating someone out side their faith. You said "Yes" - when from what you write there is no evidence that your father feels that way - I think what your father expects of you is to have more of a spiritual out look...He does not sound like a person who divides up people into groups or faiths. It sounds like the guy was serious until he got the false impression that your family were possible religious bigot...I believe he is serious...talk to your dad about the problem and see what he REALLY has to say instead of assuming.
Well he's the one that asked me point blank if my dad would be ok with it, and I just answered honestly. But I did let him know that religion is not important to me.
I also don't feel like this would be huge deal breaker for him if he was really into me.
Ask him that. It may not be a dealbreaker. Or maybe it will so ask the question. The sooner you both find out, the less heartbreak there will be because then neither of you will not have invested significant emotional energy into a relationship that had no future.
I tell women all the time that I'm not religious and that I don't go to church.
[and let the chips fall where they fall]
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