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I received a text message from my soon to be ex-wifes new girlfriend, letting me know that they will be getting married once our divorce is final.
This is all because same-sex marriage will be/is once again legal in California. First I am not jealous, or anything like that. I say to each his own. But the fact that we have been seperated for almost four months and are still legally married (we got married before prop 8 passed) makes me wonder her reasons for making what I see as a drastic decision.
A little back ground: We where married for 5 years together 16, she cheated over and over again. Even went and rented an apartment while we where married with someone else. After we split up we still lived together. I meet someone else and moved out of our home. She went to visit her sister the day I was moving out. And returned from her sisters with her sisters 19 year old step daughter, who she is now about to marry.
One month before I moved out, I tried to leave her. She tried to lock me in the house and took my keys. I pushed her on the couch and struggled to get my keys from her. The police came and because I admitted to pushing her I went to jail. They put a restraining order on me and I could not return home for 7 days. She new I was leaving, she knew after 16 years once I got to that point there was no turning back. That I would no longer allow her to be the cruel person she was to me. Then because she did not want me to find out she moved the 19 year old in with her she goes and request a new restraining order. Saying that she feared for her life and she needed help. Although she knows that I was and I am still not any threat to her.
Her and this child have set out to try and destroy what I have worked hard for. But like it was when we where married I still feel protective over her and think she is making a bad decision. And I know it is none of my business.
It makes me very sad for her to think that she is not willing to give herself time to reconnect with herself after a failed marriage and is going to jump right back in to another one. She has gone out of her way to say nasty things about me, and continues to. At the same time i believe in karma and think "hey" maybe this will be hers, maybe this child will teach her that if you play with fire you get burnt.
Although I am truly happy, and have no regrets about leaving. I have to carry with me all the cruel words that she ever said to me that makes me feel insecure about myself. Like know one is going to love me, I am fat, and I am worthless. So why cant I let go, and just be happy with what I currently have. Why do I keep worrying that she is winning? Because none of this is a game.
I need some advise on how to emotionally move on. I know I dont love her anymore in the way someone should love their spouse. But the thought of her getting re-married, especially to a child upsets me. Why do I keep feeling like in some way I want her to get her karma for all the harm she caused me, and continues to try and cause me?
Sweetie, you know this is so very common -- having that twinge when we find out an ex is remarrying, even if we know we don't want to be married to the ex any more.
And wishing karma on her is pretty understandable considering all the things she did to you.
She isn't "winning" -- she lost you.
If you want my honest opinion (keep in mind that I don't know this woman), it sounds like SERIOUS rebound city, and a case of her wanting to really rub things in to get revenge on you for daring to leave. She treated you like a piece of property. She is pizzed that you dared to actually leave. She didn't believe you actually would.
I wouldn't wish ill on another person but I can't see that an abuser jumping into a quickie marriage made of two vindictive people is going to work out. Again, I'm not wishing that on her, it's just that that's what it sounds like to me. You have already won for yourself -- you saved yourself. She won't have won for herself until she gets some therapy for those abuse tendencies.
I am sorry that you are going though all that. It sounds like a living hell to me. I think, unfortunately, it just takes time to move on. But having said that, your soon to be Ex wife sounds like she is acting mean and spiteful. There is no reason for cruel words and she certainly isn't "winning" anything.
My advice to you, if you have no children, is to sever all contact with your soon to be Ex. Block her from your phone, remover her from social media (if you still have her there), and remove her girlfriend and block her as well. Don't talk to her, don't interact with her... act like she dropped off the planet. It's called the "no contact rule" if you want to Google it and get articles to help you.
I can say one thing, your soon to be Ex is wrong. I don't know you personally, but I've never met a "worthless human being." You are a unique, wonderful soul and you are important. Just because someone tells you otherwise doesn't make it true.
Although I am truly happy, and have no regrets about leaving. I have to carry with me all the cruel words that she ever said to me that makes me feel insecure about myself. Like know one is going to love me, I am fat, and I am worthless.
Thank you JerZ. I know that I am not at the end of the day I am better off, and the fact that I stood up for myself and my own happiness shows that I am stronger then I thought I was.
But I can not help but feeling that she is just doing this to spite me. Now I know what my mom meant when she used to tell me I am going to chew off my nose to spite my face. But every time I find peace within myself these two come and try and destroy it, and I am allowing them to. I fear that my issues from my marriage are going to ruin my current relationship with someone who is the complete opposite of my wife. But she just keeps trying to throw in my face how happy she is, and I am happy for her if I thought it was real.
For the past couple of months I get a text from my wife saying I want you, or hey. Then the next text right after always says sorry I texted the wrong person. She calls people and tells them she doesnt understand why I left. I truly hoped that she would eventually see why I had to leave and she would work out what caused me to leave. But she runs out and moves her sisters 19 year old step daughter in. The girl is as old as my daugher and I find it gross.
And I am not in love with her at all anymore, but I guess I dont know what I expected but this wasnt it. If I thought she was truly happy I would be happy for her, but at the same time I know her happiness is none of my business.
Her sister and her entire family is upset about their relationship. They are very religious people and the 19 year apparently is in to satanic things. Her sister says she can not be her sister in law because the girl is already her step daughter (or ex step daugher).
which is it, current step daughter or ex stepdaughter? though i don't think either one matters in the eyes of the law since she is of age and not blood kin.
my advice would be to move on with your life. your ex is doing this because she knows it gets to you. people can be that way, and the more you respond the more she will do it. Get a new cell number and don't give it to her. You need to cut all communications except those necessary for the divorce. Even then let them go thru your attorney.
Is this even real? This sounds like a poorly written novel than a sob story
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