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All I read here is how it's always the other person's fault. Rarely are things in life so one sided. So, what responsibility do you take over your failed relationships? Post how you may have contributed to a relationship going downhill.
When I was in my early 20s, I was in a relationship with an attractive young woman for 3 years. She ended up cheating on me, and that was the end of it, but i never blamed her for cheating. It was my fault, because obviously i didnt do it for her in the bedroom department. If I did, she would never go astray. Its all in the past and a good learning experience.
I definitely own up to my failed marriage, at least my part in it. No question I could have been a better husband. Even though I did the right things, I could have been better, but I got comfortable, lazy and selfish. I know the only way for me to get better not only as a partner in a future relationship, but more importantly as a person, I have to take ownership of things I could have done better and learn from them.
In my case, I think we are both at fault for different reasons.
My Ex husband is bi (I think he's gay, but that's just my opinion and not what he says. All his lovers are men though). Anyway, he was bi before we were married and cheating on me with men when we are engaged (I didn't know) and he continued to cheat into our marriage. Eventually he left me.
For my part, I turned a blind eye. I let myself only see the good in him at first and I let his ways become habit. I internalized my pain, didn't talk to him and in time I turned bitter. I wanted to be "a good wife" and figured if I kept trying hard enough, he would stop cheating and we would be happy. It took years, but I dare say I became bitchy towards him in time--internalizing it was poison for the soul. Finally, in the final months of our marriage I couldn't hold it in any more and all that came out and I finally confronted him on his ways.
When he left me he said it was because I had changed. And he was right, I did. I was no longer happy passive woman, I was calling him out on his infidelity--but in a way that was bitter. I am not saying what he did was excusable or not wrong. If he didn't cheat on me I never would have turned that way. BUT I should have spoken up as sooner as I found out about his sexuality--if I had, who's to say we couldn't have gotten counseling earlier and fixed the problems instead of letting them grow. Or maybe we would have split up earlier and been able to move on with our lives sooner. I should have confronted him then. By letting the problems sit and sour, it did no one any good.
I figure I have a lesson learned from it--albeit the hard way. Speak up and discuss problems early on. Don't let them fester and don't be a door mat. It does no one any favors and could ruin a relationship.
In some of my relationships I wasn't a very good communicator. In my twenties and early thirties I was immature at times and didn't always handle adversity in relationships with a lot of patience. When all they needed was for me to just shut up and listen, I would still try to defend myself, and we'd go round and round. I can be stubborn at times, even today.
People should understand that sometimes they are crazed jerks who do not appreciate what they have - Yes....all people are responsible for the failure of marriages and relationships...There are really few reasons to divorce other than habitual physical and mental abuse of a spouse...We all make mistakes but few of us learn from them.
Today, at this very moment, I am taking 99.9% of the blame. I would say 100% but he would probably disagree. It feels like 100%.
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