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Based on comments I've seen here and elsewhere, I sense that many people who use OLD are frustrated by it. Here is my personal opinion as to why we're experiencing more aggravation than enjoyment. And I confess to being just as guilty as the next person.
When we read a person's online profile, we generally have one of three reactions:
1. I'm not writing to this person.
2. This person seems decent, let's give it a try.
3. This person seems absolutely fantastic. How great would it be if I could meet him/her?
The problem, as I see it, is that of the few responses most of us get, they tend to be from people in category #2. And where we should be pleased to get a response, instead we react with, "But...but...I wanted to feel like #3!" and don't put as much effort as we should into it. Then of course it never goes anywhere, because on some level we're really waiting for the next "really exciting" profile to come along.
Yes, it's a phenomenon called "the paradox of choice."
Because people presume that they have "the whole world" or at least the whole online world from which to choose, they are less likely to make a choice.
So they keep waiting for the next "better" choice.
This is pretty accurate. I've gotten all 3 pretty consistently. For me though, it's damn near impossible to have a serious relationship with someone from online. There are just too many great options, how can you choose just one when so many of them are great?
Thus it's hard to focus on just one and before you know it, you have more than you can handle. It then becomes normal to just enjoy the hunt and replace older ones with newer ones. It's a lot of fun of course but can be very time consuming. I literally just deleted about 200 numbers I had on my phone. I didn't meet all of them of course but it can definitely get out of hand.
Based on comments I've seen here and elsewhere, I sense that many people who use OLD are frustrated by it. Here is my personal opinion as to why we're experiencing more aggravation than enjoyment. And I confess to being just as guilty as the next person.
When we read a person's online profile, we generally have one of three reactions:
1. I'm not writing to this person.
2. This person seems decent, let's give it a try.
3. This person seems absolutely fantastic. How great would it be if I could meet him/her?
The problem, as I see it, is that of the few responses most of us get, they tend to be from people in category #2. And where we should be pleased to get a response, instead we react with, "But...but...I wanted to feel like #3!" and don't put as much effort as we should into it. Then of course it never goes anywhere, because on some level we're really waiting for the next "really exciting" profile to come along.
What do you think?
I only experience reaction #1 and #2.
I don't write to guys who seem absolut fantastic (anymore). Because they are either liars/don't look like their pics anymore or out of my league or turn out to be weirdos/flakes.
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This is "one" of the biggest obstacles? The fact that you can't smell someone, or watch their body language, or hear their voice as they speak, watch their smile, that's not an obstacle? The "only" obstacle to online dating is the one that such a platform will never be able to replicate, and therefore will always be obsolete, is chemistry.
This is pretty accurate. I've gotten all 3 pretty consistently. For me though, it's damn near impossible to have a serious relationship with someone from online. There are just too many great options, how can you choose just one when so many of them are great?
Thus it's hard to focus on just one and before you know it, you have more than you can handle. It then becomes normal to just enjoy the hunt and replace older ones with newer ones. It's a lot of fun of course but can be very time consuming. I literally just deleted about 200 numbers I had on my phone. I didn't meet all of them of course but it can definitely get out of hand.
Assuming you're telling the truth to begin with (heh), the majority, if not, most males won't have the kind of success you've had on OLD. That's why once a guy finds a woman via OLD that seems into him (and him into her), they try to hold onto it.
90% of OLD is to build confidence in yourself. You realize that someone out there likes you, or the "you" you put in the profile.
10% is actually building up a relationship. It may only be 1, 2, or more dates...but you build a friendship or relationship.
Too many of us like the "high" when getting to know someone. Truth in character is making it last. Can you keep the spark going, or do you want to light another match.
Assuming you're telling the truth to begin with (heh), the majority, if not, most males won't have the kind of success you've had on OLD. That's why once a guy finds a woman via OLD that seems into him (and him into her), they try to hold onto it.
That's why I don't understand the struggles. It's incredibly easy to meet women online of all types. Just make sure to have good pictures of yourself up. Have a good profile but not too detailed so that there is a level of mystery. Also come up with a great intro line that's not too long, not too short. Not creepy or pervy, can appeal to something every woman wants and boom, you'll get tons of responses.
For some, it isn't about the list you've created, one that suggests too high standards, it's about chemistry and compatibility, so those "decent" profiles/members may not be compatible for whatever reasons.
I initiated contact with many men who had nearly bare or otherwise boring profiles. A lot of these men expressed not knowing what to put, and adjusting to the dating scene after coming out of long term marriages. Sometimes I sent messages just for fun/****s and giggles, or there was something I was curious about. Some led to dates.
But my highest and best matches had very detailed, intriguing and engaging profiles, and many dates resulted from these interactions. (And most weren't Chads and Brads, just regular men, albeit the majority very introverted, nerdy and geeky.)
That's why I don't understand the struggles. It's incredibly easy to meet women online of all types. Just make sure to have good pictures of yourself up. Have a good profile but not too detailed so that there is a level of mystery. Also come up with a great intro line that's not too long, not too short. Not creepy or pervy, can appeal to something every woman wants and boom, you'll get tons of responses.
The "cast a wide net" approach, complete with a short profile and catchy headline, works for some men. Definitely not most. I think you'll find that the men it tends to work for are often considered classically handsome, or above average with a certain charisma that some find appealing.
For men with a specific type, or introverted personality, they have to employ a different approach to finding matches, as opposed to every woman or just any woman. Attention is meaningless if it's unwanted attention. My husband received messages, but most weren't from women he was interested in. He had a certain type in mind, and tailored his profile to that type.
Criteria and type may be less narrow if a LTR isn't desired, which I recall you stating in past threads?
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