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Ok, and nothing you have said or anyone else here disputes my main point: online dating is an ineffective tool to secure a long term relationship.
Meet people, get laid, yes.
I went on many online dates, and not once did I have sex with a guy that wasn't at least headed toward a LTR. Of course it's not perfect, people are complicated, and attraction is more complicated than just a picture or a few words. But no need nor reason to just be 100% negative Eyeore about it, "oh, it doesn't work, people are awful, nothing works". It obviously has worked for some of us here, why would you just completely discount the experiences of real people? I don't think anyone here has said it should be the main way people seek relationships. I ended up in my current LTR from a friend fix-up, but if it ended I would go back online, and use it along with other tools to help me meet someone.
All OLD is at its' most basic is an open area where people can introduce themselves to each other. Just as at a bar, or a party, or anywhere else in you meet people, it's going to be easier for those who are more outgoing or socially adept, but that doesn't mean it's a flawed system. It is what you make it. All the point of my post is, is that much of the difficulty people have online is due to overthinking and fear, and if you just plunge in and take risks and meet people versus play pen-pal for a month, you might have better results.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I went on many online dates, and not once did I have sex with a guy that wasn't at least headed toward a LTR. Of course it's not perfect, people are complicated. But no need nor reason to just be 100% negative about it. It obviously has worked for some of us here, why would you just completely discount the experiences of real people?
I'm not being negative, or discounting the experiences of real people. I'm just stating the obvious. If you'd like to disagree with the statistics I provided, please do so. But don't label me a naysayer for drawing perfectly rational, logically sound conclusions from available data.
And, it's not an "open area to meet people". It is filled with filters, biases and walls that DO NOT exist in real world. The sole interaction on any of the dating sites is to meet a mate. Also, there is nothing normal in biological and historical terms in 40 and 50 year olds searching for a mate. So, it's a struggle, day in and day out, therefore ineffective.
If five percent is lot of people, then what is the remaining 95%?
As I said, it is ineffective (not impossible), and a niche market. Five percent of any market is niche.
Yup, what happens to the other 95%? They meet people through a jillion other scenarios.
Online dating is a tool to meet people. No better or worse than any other.
What boggle my mind though is when people who want to find someone for a relationship discount, wholesale, any particular means of doing so. Even if this 5% stat is accurate, it's still an opportunity that I believe people would be silly to dismiss entirely. Geez, it's not like when you put up a profile online all other opportunities cease to exist...
I'm not being negative, or discounting the experiences of real people. I'm just stating the obvious. If you'd like to disagree with the statistics I provided, please do so. But don't label me a naysayer for drawing perfectly rational, logically sound conclusions from available data.
And, it's not an "open area to meet people". It is filled with filters, biases and walls that DO NOT exist in real world. The sole interaction on any of the dating sites is to meet a mate. Also, there is nothing normal in biological and historical terms in 40 and 50 year olds searching for a mate. So, it's a struggle, day in and day out, therefore ineffective.
How many people are your "statistics" based on? What age were they? What sex? That link says nothing about study size, criteria, age of respondents, etc. You know studies like this are automatically flawed from the get go, because only certain types of people will respond to surveys at all?
I'm sorry, but I don't find it more rational or logical to discount the experiences of those of us here talking to you in favor of some study we know little about. Why are our experiences not counted as "available data?" in your eyes?
I disagree about the filters, there are certainly filters in real life, they're just not overt. If you are 52 and walk into a night club for 21 year olds, the "filter" is going to exist, and your odds of meeting someone there are not necessarily any better at all because of those "filters".
Same thing if you walk into Happy Hour at the lounge in the Waldorf Astoria wearing ripped jeans and a T-shirt...there are social "filters", that even if you are allowed in, would make it hard for you to meet someone.
The difference is, in real life most people who like to wear ripped jeans and T-shirts don't go to happy hour at the Waldorf. Whereas online, I think many men respond to a picture alone rather than responding only to those who share the same "filters' they do. So you get the bar guy writing to the Waldorf lady, or the couch potato lady writing to the buff guy posing on his 20-speed bike, and it doesn't work, and they blame OLD and the "filters" but those filters exist everywhere in life. In real life, you already have something in common just from being at the same place, while online you have to seek those who are similar to you, and too many just go by pics and discount what the person is like.
But I don't want to argue all day. I just find it a disservice to others to tell them they should just give up on it altogether when others of us know it can be a helpful tool for them if they do it in a thoughtful way.
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The biggest failed assumption all you make is that online dating is just "another tool" to meet people. That it is somehow equally effective as other "tools". But, it isn't. It is a niche product that works well for a very small pool of available customers.
If I had a headache, and Tylenol was only effective five percent of time I had headaches, then it wouldn't be a very effective tool.
The elephant in the room here is that the biggest known secret in online dating is that everyone knows for which segment of the buyers online dating actually produces results, but yet nobody wants to talk about it, because it isn't politically correct.
The biggest failed assumption all you make is that online dating is just "another tool" to meet people. That it is somehow equally effective as other "tools". But, it isn't. It is a niche product that works well for a very small pool of available customers.
If I had a headache, and Tylenol was only effective five percent of time I had headaches, then it wouldn't be a very effective tool.
The elephant in the room here is that the biggest known secret in online dating is that everyone knows for which segment of the buyers online dating actually produces results, but yet nobody wants to talk about it, because it isn't politically correct.
Except it is just that, a tool to meet other people. It seems you somehow think you can't do both online dating and meeting people in real life. Whether it's equally as effective as other "tools" is up to the person themselves to decide. For me, online dating has worked out MUCH better for me than in real life. In real life, it just seems I never come across single people that are interested in me (and me in them). And even if I do, they either have a boyfriend/fiancee/married, or have 0 time to actually date.
With online dating, you pretty much know off the bat that most people are single and are looking for someone, so the dynamics change.
And not really sure what you mean by it only produces results for a segment of buyers (I pretty much only use free dating apps nowadays, no paid sites). Care to elaborate?
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
Except it is just that, a tool to meet other people. It seems you somehow think you can't do both online dating and meeting people in real life. Whether it's equally as effective as other "tools" is up to the person themselves to decide. For me, online dating has worked out MUCH better for me than in real life. In real life, it just seems I never come across single people that are interested in me (and me in them). And even if I do, they either have a boyfriend/fiancee/married, or have 0 time to actually date.
With online dating, you pretty much know off the bat that most people are single and are looking for someone, so the dynamics change.
And not really sure what you mean by it only produces results for a segment of buyers (I pretty much only use free dating apps nowadays, no paid sites). Care to elaborate?
For me, online dating has worked out MUCH better for me than in real life. In real life, it just seems I never come across single people that are interested in me (and me in them)
See with these two sentences you proved my point by trying to argue against it.
My exact sentence from the post above it:
It is a niche product that works well for a very small pool of available customers.
For me, online dating has worked out MUCH better for me than in real life. In real life, it just seems I never come across single people that are interested in me (and me in them)
See with these two sentences you proved my point by trying to argue against it.
My exact sentence from the post above it:
It is a niche product that works well for a very small pool of available customers.
I don't know what century or year you are living but right now, online dating is very much a norm. I could have dated online ages ago. But because of the stigma and me not yet ready to 'mingle'. I have postponed for the longest time. I had been told by co workers, family to meet people online so many times before hand.
And by the time I swam in the online dating pool, I had a revelation that I am a hot commodity so honestly, I regret postponing it, oh well.
Are there any people in this generation that met people off line? THAT is the real question. And honestly will NOT be the norm in the future. FACT.
I don't know what century or year you are living but right now, online dating is very much a norm. I could have dated online ages ago. But because of the stigma and me not yet ready to 'mingle'. I have postponed for the longest time. I had been told by co workers, family to meet people online so many times before hand.
And by the time I swam in the online dating pool, I had a revelation that I am a hot commodity so honestly, I regret postponing it, oh well.
Are there any people in this generation that met people off line? THAT is the real question. And honestly will NOT be the norm in the future. FACT.
Exactly, it's 2017. Online dating has become a norm and pretty popular.
Plenty of couples have resulted from it, and lots of marriages.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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Quote:
Originally Posted by diyosa
I don't know what century or year you are living but right now, online dating is very much a norm. I could have dated online ages ago. But because of the stigma and me not yet ready to 'mingle'. I have postponed for the longest time. I had been told by co workers, family to meet people online so many times before hand.
And by the time I swam in the online dating pool, I had a revelation that I am a hot commodity so honestly, I regret postponing it, oh well.
Are there any people in this generation that met people off line? THAT is the real question. And honestly will NOT be the norm in the future. FACT.
I don't disagree with the prevalence of users, but its efficacy in establishing useful long term relationships that lead to marriages.
I've now said the same thing to four different people. Please read what I write before you reply.
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