Why are some men just .. weird? Guys, tap in on this one? (dating, women)
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Writing this post just out of pure curiosity since his behavior has got to be the most peculiar that I have ever encountered. I usually figure most people, guys and girls, out pretty quick. This one has been a weird one.
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Met a nice guy from an online dating site back in .. November, maybe? He is in my age group, lives about 45 mins away, educated and employed. Good looking, too! Into a lot of the same hobbies that I'm into, and personality is quiet with a good sense of humor. I'm surprised he's single.
Find out he has a history of working in the adult entertainment world as a young buck to help pay for his college tuition.
He states his singleness is due to his former career and the fact that he's super shy when out and about in normal, everyday life. He's also not extremely well paid now, so doesn't have a lot of extra money to blow on dating. He shares a few other things with me - hometown, size of his family, etc - but nothing more than that, really. We meet up after several weeks of talking, meet over appetizers and drinks (him a beer, me a water), have a great conversation at our meeting and seemed to really hit it off, and end the evening with a friendly kiss before parting ways. I do find him extremely attractive and I could feel the chemistry with him.
Then, the conversations, both phone and email, take a turn. He has an extremely sexual side and he starts going down that road. I politely end contact with him stating that I was not interested in focusing our contact with that topic. Don't hear from him again.
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Jan/Feb .. He emails me, asks how I'm doing. We non-nonchalantly chit-chat over email discussing how we're doing, but I didn't imply any interest with meeting or getting together anytime in the future. He tells me how he'd like to settle into a relationship and have someone there for him every day, and I tip toe around the talk by responding with if he wants a relationship with a woman that is worth his time, he needs to treat women like that rather than use contact with women for sexual gratification. I point out a few details that he has mentioned about himself that I couldn't verify (he stated he graduated a certain year from a certain high school, but that appears to be not correct - yes, I do small background checks on people I meet from online sources). His response was not defending his answers, but more how I was untrusting toward people and he was sad to see that some previous person in my life had made me untrusting of new people. Wasn't angry or defensive. The discussion drops. don't hear from him again.
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Feb.. Ran into each other on an online dating site, exchanged pleasantries.
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Late Mar .. Same as above, minus talking about trust or questioning details about him. Discussion starts to turn sexual in nature by him, I end the discussion and don't hear from him again.
****
May .. He sends me an email checking to see how I am doing, I respond with a couple sentences updating him and I don't hear back.
****
This week .. He emails me again checking it, nonchalantly emailing and nothing more than surface talk. He makes a comment about wanting someone to be there for him to love and be with. I respond back with how I feel - he has given me the impression that he's out for conquests and I have no reason to believe that he wants a meaningful relationship. He disagrees. I told him that he'd have to work pretty hard to prove otherwise and that I would not hook up with him at all until he's invested enough time with me to the point where he is comfortable with and follows through with introducing me to his family. He accepts my challenge, tells me that he will make that happen. Of course, I also make it pretty clear that he would have to do all the leg work because I honestly don't have time to waste on something that has yet to get off the ground.
So, in conclusion.. Confused by this guy. Not jumping on his bandwagon at this point, I honestly don't expect to hear from him again for another several months. It would be easier to blow him off had the chemistry not been there, but I am certainly not stopping my dating life expecting him to do something. Guys - thoughts?
Last edited by dragon_fly_12; 07-09-2013 at 06:36 PM..
Sounds to me he wants to turn you into a booty call, and now you've given him a 'challenge'.
I'd move on...he's probably only keeping in contact with you in between conquests hoping he'll wear you down or guilt you into hooking up with him. The fact that he called you untrusting and questioned who made you that way is basically a HUUUUGE red flag from my experience.
Sounds to me he wants to turn you into a booty call, and now you've given him a 'challenge'.
I'd move on...he's probably only keeping in contact with you in between conquests hoping he'll wear you down or guilt you into hooking up with him. The fact that he called you untrusting and questioned who made you that way is basically a HUUUUGE red flag from my experience.
I'd say this hits the nail on the head on all counts. And especially the last part; it was evasive and manipulative of him to say that. He thinks he's a smooth mover who has a response for everything. Also, the fact that he keeps going back to sex talk (or ever did in the first place) is a huge red flag. He just isn't your type. And good for you for doing some research on him. Another red flag that his info didn't line up! I wonder if he thinks that his good looks will win you over. I bet he's not used to being given the brush-off. I think it's probably just the kind of experience he needs.
Sounds to me he wants to turn you into a booty call, and now you've given him a 'challenge'.
I'd move on...he's probably only keeping in contact with you in between conquests hoping he'll wear you down or guilt you into hooking up with him. The fact that he called you untrusting and questioned who made you that way is basically a HUUUUGE red flag from my experience.
Agree. He's trying to make YOU feel weird for not indulging his sex talk & being a booty call.
It sounds like he has been less than honest about some thing also, and is brushing it off instead of owning up to it. Another red flag.
I think it's best to end contact permanently. Chemistry is clouding your view in this case, not a signal of potential.
Agree. He's trying to make YOU feel weird for not indulging his sex talk & being a booty call.
It sounds like he has been less than honest about some thing also, and is brushing it off instead of owning up to it. Another red flag.
I think it's best to end contact permanently. Chemistry is clouding your view in this case, not a signal of potential.
Ugh, why do sooo many men do the 'guilt sex' thing? I've had a lot of guys try to make ME feel like the bad guy because I tell them I'm not interested in receiving their dick pics or interested in hooking up/talking dirty via text. I've had more than one guy call me a prude and question my backround when I refused to send him nude photos
Ugh, why do sooo many men do the 'guilt sex' thing? I've had a lot of guys try to make ME feel like the bad guy because I tell them I'm not interested in receiving their dick pics or interested in hooking up/talking dirty via text. I've had more than one guy call me a prude and question my backround when I refused to send him nude photos
They think they can get what they want via manipulation. They think calling a woman a prude will cause her to deny it and give them what they want.
Writing this post just out of pure curiosity since his behavior has got to be the most peculiar that I have ever encountered. I usually figure most people, guys and girls, out pretty quick. This one has been a weird one.
****
Met a nice guy from an online dating site back in .. November, maybe? He is in my age group, lives about 45 mins away, educated and employed. Good looking, too! Into a lot of the same hobbies that I'm into, and personality is quiet with a good sense of humor. I'm surprised he's single.
Find out he has a history of working in the adult entertainment world as a young buck to help pay for his college tuition.
He states his singleness is due to his former career and the fact that he's super shy when out and about in normal, everyday life. He's also not extremely well paid now, so doesn't have a lot of extra money to blow on dating. He shares a few other things with me - hometown, size of his family, etc - but nothing more than that, really. We meet up after several weeks of talking, meet over appetizers and drinks (him a beer, me a water), have a great conversation at our meeting and seemed to really hit it off, and end the evening with a friendly kiss before parting ways. I do find him extremely attractive and I could feel the chemistry with him.
Then, the conversations, both phone and email, take a turn. He has an extremely sexual side and he starts going down that road. I politely end contact with him stating that I was not interested in focusing our contact with that topic. Don't hear from him again.
****
Jan/Feb .. He emails me, asks how I'm doing. We non-nonchalantly chit-chat over email discussing how we're doing, but I didn't imply any interest with meeting or getting together anytime in the future. He tells me how he'd like to settle into a relationship and have someone there for him every day, and I tip toe around the talk by responding with if he wants a relationship with a woman that is worth his time, he needs to treat women like that rather than use contact with women for sexual gratification. I point out a few details that he has mentioned about himself that I couldn't verify (he stated he graduated a certain year from a certain high school, but that appears to be not correct - yes, I do small background checks on people I meet from online sources). His response was not defending his answers, but more how I was untrusting toward people and he was sad to see that some previous person in my life had made me untrusting of new people. Wasn't angry or defensive. The discussion drops. don't hear from him again.
****
Feb.. Ran into each other on an online dating site, exchanged pleasantries.
****
Late Mar .. Same as above, minus talking about trust or questioning details about him. Discussion starts to turn sexual in nature by him, I end the discussion and don't hear from him again.
****
May .. He sends me an email checking to see how I am doing, I respond with a couple sentences updating him and I don't hear back.
****
This week .. He emails me again checking it, nonchalantly emailing and nothing more than surface talk. He makes a comment about wanting someone to be there for him to love and be with. I respond back with how I feel - he has given me the impression that he's out for conquests and I have no reason to believe that he wants a meaningful relationship. He disagrees. I told him that he'd have to work pretty hard to prove otherwise and that I would not hook up with him at all until he's invested enough time with me to the point where he is comfortable with and follows through with introducing me to his family. He accepts my challenge, tells me that he will make that happen. Of course, I also make it pretty clear that he would have to do all the leg work because I honestly don't have time to waste on something that has yet to get off the ground.
So, in conclusion.. Confused by this guy. Not jumping on his bandwagon at this point, I honestly don't expect to hear from him again for another several months. It would be easier to blow him off had the chemistry not been there, but I am certainly not stopping my dating life expecting him to do something. Guys - thoughts?
"Size of his family?"
"He'll do the 'leg' work?"
"Blow him off??"
Wow?!
You may work good together. Lol!!
Listen, he has a porn past. You have to get past that.
So he's sexual...who isn't. Sounds like he was a perfect gentleman on your date. The next level to him was to be flirtatious. You are making it sound like he wants to use you. I don't think that is the case.
Don't you ever say sexual things when in the mood? Maybe he wants to see if you are compatible with him sexual. You turn away every time. Beats me why he keeps coming back. ( sorry, no pun intended there)
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