Guys: What percentage of women have you turned down? (separate, sex, college)

[freemkt]

Originally Posted by budgetlord

I turn down 99% of them and have since grade school, frankly. I get approached often enough, although less so now that I am getting older and more people this age are taken, have different schedules and so on. And I don't do tarts. Not afraid of committment, it's just a lot of work.

I am sorry for those who don't get approached, but the concept that women never make the first move that you read so often on this board, it just isn't true.

So then WTF is it that motivates some women to approach guys that they do not know at all? Eye candy?

[TaoistDude]

In "real life," too few have approached (that I was aware of, anyway!) to do the math. As for online dating, I turned down over 90% of those who contacted me (based on a large sample size), because of incompatibility.

[jillabean]

Interesting thread.

My way of approaching men is 1) look for a ring make sure there isn't one! and 2) Smile or ask a question/start a conversation usually by asking his opinion or something. I never say stuff like, "hey baby you're hot, your place or mine?" lol Basically, it's very subtle and, well, feminine. After reading this thread I have to wonder if my approach goes over some men's heads because their way of approaching and mine are just really different so they don't see it for what it is. Maybe I need to be more direct.

[orangeapple]

Originally Posted by freemkt

So then WTF is it that motivates some women to approach guys that they do not know at all? Eye candy?

I think it's more about the woman in question than the man. Some women are just very comfortable with approaching. As for who they choose, IDK, but I'm guessing it probably is the better looking, more approachable looking men, just as it is when women get approached.

I'm sure lots of men who are good-looking don't get approached because they don't look, well, approachable. I've never directly initiated interest in a guy, but I think I have found myself naturally comfortable enough to initiate a conversation & it's because the guy had friendly, open vibes. I didn't feel like he'd snub me for not being pretty enough or assume I was chasing him down for a relationship or throwing myself at him for sex. I basically felt like I'd be received as just a person who happened to find him interesting enough to talk to for a few minutes, and from there, who knows.

[jillabean]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

I think it's more about the woman in question than the man. Some women are just very comfortable with approaching. As for who they choose, IDK, but I'm guessing it probably is the better looking, more approachable looking men, just as it is when women get approached.

I'm sure lots of men who are good-looking don't get approached because they don't look, well, approachable. I've never directly initiated interest in a guy, but I think I have found myself naturally comfortable enough to initiate a conversation & it's because the guy had friendly, open vibes. I didn't feel like he'd snub me for not being pretty enough or assume I was chasing him down for a relationship or throwing myself as him for sex. I basically felt like I'd be received as just a person who happened to find him interesting enough to talk to for a few minutes, and from there, who knows.

I have to say I agree... I tend to talk to men who smile at me or just seem friendly/happy--doesn't matter what they look like. But if a man is walking around with a sad or angry scowl, I don't talk to him (I don't care if he looks like Ian Somerhalder. I figure he's in a bad mood and I don't want to provoke him).

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by jillabean

Interesting thread.

My way of approaching men is 1) look for a ring make sure there isn't one! and 2) Smile or ask a question/start a conversation usually by asking his opinion or something. I never say stuff like, "hey baby you're hot, your place or mine?" lol Basically, it's very subtle and, well, feminine. After reading this thread I have to wonder if my approach goes over some men's heads because their way of approaching and mine are just really different so they don't see it for what it is. Maybe I need to be more direct.

While in a relationship, I have turned down about 5 women who either did what is bolded above (2-ish), or made it blatently obvious a hook up (3-ish) was possible.
Then while single, IRL, there has probably be been 5 women (allready established friends) that did above bolded (3-ish) and then 2-ish that offered hook up.

Either due to me not catching the signals when I was younger and totally clueless with women (4), or completly uninterested (1) I have only dated one woman from all the women that have expressed interest in me without me having to be the one to directly engage and ask for a phone number.

so basically, 1 out of 10 total has turned into more than friends.
But of thise 10, at least six were already friends, and only 2 of those made it extremely clear that they wanted me in that way, as opposed to just being, a friend (being nice, smiling, asking questions).

I was, and still kind of am really bad at reading a womans interest, but IRL, since only 10 women have ever really expressed interest in me, and six of them were already somewhat established friends, it isn't like it occurs too frequently.

Online dating, probably 10 women have winked at me first. I probably dated 7 of them a least once, and at least 3 of them I had absolutley no physical attraction to at all. The other 3 didnt get a date due to extreme lack of interest in looks and personality.


Then there are a leas 4 of my friends that constantly get approached IRL, and online dating. Some guys are extremely picky, and reject about 90% of those woman, and some guys enjoy the attention and become friends and more with 90% of those women that approach. But in all four guys, I have seen each of them ge approached at least 10 times a year, and at least 2 of the guys get proposed straight out, "wan to go to my place or yours?" without even knowing them more than 5ish minutes probably a few times a year at least. literally. I have seen it over and over with my own eyes.

[Myghost]

Mostly related to online dating, but:

Maybe 25-30% of people that contact me just TOTALLY didn't look at my profile, so I don't even respond to them if we have nothing in common, whatsoever. Once in a while, I'll respond and respectfully say I don't feel we're a match, and give them the reasons. (I always respond, no matter what, if someone clearly took time to read my profile, even if I feel there is no connection.)

Of the people I meet, usually we hit it off (that is not always romantically, but my goal is not just to get laid, so that makes sense). Maybe 10-15% I'll tell them "I had a great time, but don't feel we have a future" and either ask to remain friends, or not. Maybe another 15-20% we just end up better as friends, and it never has to be spoken. Of the remaining 60-70%, I don't turn them down, maybe half end up with some sort of mutual interest. The other half can probably be best answered in the "sister thread".

These numbers are TOTAL estimates, I don't track (ha). It is also important to realize that I screen pretty carefully, so if we are going to meet, there is already some reasonable expectation that we'll get along. This fact really skews the results. It is not a random sample.

[orangeapple]

Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006

Then there are a leas 4 of my friends that constantly get approached IRL, and online dating. Some guys are extremely picky, and reject about 90% of those woman, and some guys enjoy the attention and become friends and more with 90% of those women that approach. But in all four guys, I have seen each of them ge approached at least 10 times a year, and at least 2 of the guys get proposed straight out, "wan to go to my place or yours?" without even knowing them more than 5ish minutes probably a few times a year at least. literally. I have seen it over and over with my own eyes.

Ah, and the myth of women not getting "friend-zoned" is blown .
This is why most women don't approach - they don't want to be ONLY received as a "friends and more" or "casual partner".

If a romantic relationship is the ultimate goal for a woman expressing interest, then this will scare off many men. The fact that you phrase this mostly in terms of sex points to the difference in perspectives here; women want to know if approaching is a turn-off for relationships, but men keep interpreting approaching as being about sex. When are women direct, received well, and the guy is not interpreting it as "easy lay"? I imagine these are the times men get picky & reject many women.

[Phoenix2017]

0% (for real and LTR-style relationships; I've also been approached for casual/FWB-type scenarios in the past, and these I politely declined)

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

If a romantic relationship is the ultimate goal for a woman expressing interest, then this will scare off many men. The fact that you phrase this mostly in terms of sex points to the difference in perspectives here; women want to know if approaching is a turn-off for relationships, but men keep interpreting approaching as being about sex. When are women direct, received well, and the guy is not interpreting it as "easy lay"? I imagine these are the times men get picky & reject many women.

Please see my earlier post #39 in this thread -- as a guy, I am *only* interested in women who approach who are interested in the whole 9 yards going in and everything, including and especially their heart, when it comes to a romantic relationship

I have only once been approached by a girl for this kind of serious, exclusive and committed type of romantic affilation, and I gladly and gratefully accepted it. (When she asked me that, it was actually one of the very happiest and most joyful moments of my entire life.) I have also been approached anywhere from 2-3 times in the past by women who wanted no-strings, casual-style scenarios -- and I politely and diplomatically declined those offers.

So for me personally as a guy, LTR, relationship-styled approaches are a definite turn-on, while casual fling-type approaches are a distinct turn-off I guess it really just depends on what the individual guy wants and is looking for, in a prospective romantic relationship...