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Women don't tend to directly approach. They tend to send signals to encourage you to initiate or communicate interest some other indirect way.
How often have you picked up on that & not felt interested enough to act on it?
Does it frequently go over your head (ie. perhaps a friend has to point out a woman is sending signals)?
How obvious were the women you have noticed those signals from?
I don't recall ever being given any sort of signals, nor had anyone point them out to me. Women pretty much always seem like they just want to be left alone.
I've brushed off quite a few attempts and when I was younger/totally clueless I was blind to clear signals of interest from girls I would have loved to get to know better. It's easy to shut down a woman most of the time just by either faking being busy or telling her what a good friend she is. There was this one time when a girl had absolutely no clue or respect for personal boundaries. I had to be a little "firmer" with her. My only female creeper story.
Women don't tend to directly approach. They tend to send signals to encourage you to initiate or communicate interest some other indirect way.
I honestly was not expecting so many guys to say they've never been approached directly. It's still a very small sample, but the early trend supports what you are saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
How often have you picked up on that & not felt interested enough to act on it?
This is hard to quantify because I rarely picked up on signals. I did a couple times and responded, but nothing ever came of any of those.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
Does it frequently go over your head (ie. perhaps a friend has to point out a woman is sending signals)?
Yes, absolutely. Especially now that I am married. A couple times my wife has told me a girl was trying to flirt and I was just oblivious to it. Usually it is a service worker of some kind, and I always assume she is just being polite because it is her job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
How obvious were the women you have noticed those signals from?
The few times that I actually did pick up on it, it was always classmates in college. Frequent eye contact during class, making sure she was in my discussion group, making sure she made small talk with me before and after class. If a girl did those things enough times I could put the clues together.
Since women rarely come straight out and ask it's really hard to say. I don't think I've ever explicitly turned a woman down but there are plenty of times where I've "extricated" myself out of situations with an interested woman in whom I wasn't interested with varying tactfulness. And there have been times where I have misread blatant signals of interest.
i don't think women approach very often unless given clear signals their advances will be well received. at least compared to (some) men, who will approach with much less encouragement and who have acquired the ability to shrug off rejection
i'm fairly successful at dating but have only turned down a few women, and i think it's because i just don't seem very approachable to women i'm not attracted to
if i got hit on as much as some women i know (whom i consider roughly "equal" to me in desirability) i'm sure i'd be turning down gals left and right
even when there's mutual attraction, i usually wind up approaching women before they approach me. so i've rarely either turned down or accepted the advances of women, even though i've dated a lot
I turn down 99% of them and have since grade school, frankly. I get approached often enough, although less so now that I am getting older and more people this age are taken, have different schedules and so on. And I don't do tarts. Not afraid of committment, it's just a lot of work.
I am sorry for those who don't get approached, but the concept that women never make the first move that you read so often on this board, it just isn't true.
I am sorry for those who don't get approached, but the concept that women never make the first move that you read so often on this board, it just isn't true.
I've speculated that some women actually do approach men, but since it's never happened to me I wasn't sure. That certainly doesn't do my confidence levels any favors, though.
Probably around 90%, for all types of different reasons. Some women have come up to me and were more than upfront by saying things like "lets go to my house" or "if you live in the neighborhood, I want to see your place". I believe younger women, who live in the more progressive places like a big city, tend to approach a ton more than women living in the sticks of rural america.
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