The Confession of a Prolific cheater. Offering advice to women, or men. (dating, wife)
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I wasn't sure exactly how to identify, title, or describe exactly what I mean in the thread title, so forgive me if it is a little off.
First, a little about me. I am 40 years old. Male. Married 15 years to a very wonderful and attractive woman. This woman is the quintessential wife and human being. Caring, loyal, beautiful, supportive, and the most honest and trustworthy person I have ever met. Regardless of my actions, I objectively regard her as one of the finest human beings I have ever known. We have a handful of wonderful children together, which I do love very, very much.
I also must immediately disclose that the decision to come here and post this material is at the suggestion of my therapist, who recently encouraged me to "let the cat out of the bag", so-to-speak, even if it were anonymously. In addition, to find a way to use my sins, and the experience and knowledge that are derived from them, in some positive way (if possible). And so, in a weird way, I am trying to accomplish that here.
I have been married for 15 years. Before my marriage, I was very successful as a single man. Not tall, or particularly well-built (a little on the scrawny side), I learned early on that I had to develop my personality to attract women, as I was at a slight disadvantage (or so I thought) to taller muscular guys. Although it didn't hurt to have nice straight teeth and be mildly attractive in the face.
For reasons unknown, I began to date and court women at an alarming pace. I just simply love women. I love getting to know them, to listen to them, and to be close to them. I enjoy them intellectually as much, if not more than, even physically. Over time I became accustomed to a certain lifestyle where I dated several women at a time. Looking back, I admit, the juggling act was part of the excitement. It kept me busy, and more importantly it kept my mind sharp. Although the very negative aspect of this was that I became very good at lying. The hardest part about lying is that you have to remember what you've lied about. This part was mentally challenging, and that's what I liked about it. I also became very prideful and egotistical in my ability to recover quickly from slip-ups and mistakes, if these lies were not managed carefully. I would like to point out right away that I realize this is offensive, and I do not feel any source of pride in this whatsoever (anymore). I am at a point in my life where I am working to change this. Hopefully this thread will help me along this path.
Anyway, all this practice in lying and dating multiple women all with different personalities also taught me how to speak to women. There are certain things that women want to hear, and how they want to hear it. Voice fluctuation is important in relaying information that builds credibility, as well as bringing out certain emotions or thoughts that I needed them to feel or think at any given time.
Then I got married, and things got worse. In 15 years, I have had the pleasure of getting to know hundreds of women. Most of them were very sweet, mild, caring, loving people. Looking back, I am ashamed how many of them I have disappointed, or hurt. In many ways I justified my actions. I lied to myself. I convinced myself that my short chapter in their lives would be good for them in the long run. I know now that this isn't true. My therapist nicknamed me 'the tear collector'. It wasn't until he coined the moniker that it really hit me. Perhaps my conquests, while on some level I do love and respect women very much, was really a conquest of revenge. I won't go into the details but let's just say my mother might be partially responsible for who I have become. Ok, responsible is a strong word. Let's just say that she provided to me great motivation to lead me to subconsciously revel in the business of heartbreaking.
So anyway, here I am. I have met many women (friends or acquaintances, not lovers) who have no idea of my secret life, who always mention to me about troubles in their relationships with men, and ask me for advice. They have always returned and thanked me for my insight, whether they were warnings about infidelity, or giving supportive advice in defense of these men. In almost all cases, my intuition about these matters have been shockingly spot on. I really enjoy giving advice which leads to the benefit of another relationship. I believe in love, true love, and romance, and believe ever person deserves and needs these things in their lives. On the flip-side, love blinds us and I also get much pleasure in sighting warning flags which otherwise go unnoticed. I can't save women from myself yet, but if I can save them from another douche, then I get a lot of satisfaction in helping them in that way.
So, if you want the unabridged and subjective (or even objective) advice from a serial cheater, feel free to ask away. In closing, just writing all this out was very therapeutic for me. I even learned a few things about myself within this winded disclosure (forgive me for the wall of text).
I also must immediately disclose that the decision to come here and post this material is at the suggestion of my therapist, who recently encouraged me to "let the cat out of the bag", so-to-speak, even if it were anonymously. In addition, to find a way to use my sins, and the experience and knowledge that are derived from them, in some positive way (if possible). And so, in a weird way, I am trying to accomplish that here.
...
Sincerely,
LMB
No therapist would want you disclose all of this in a public forum where you are going to get torn a new orifice. Writing it out in a journal, maybe. But not in a way you will get feedback and potentially open yourself up to verbal abuse. Therefore, I call shenanigans on this.
P.S. Given your moniker--DazedandAmused--I think a better signature would be DAM. Maybe accompanied by this:
No therapist would want you disclose all of this in a public forum where you are going to get torn a new orifice. Therefore, I call shenanigans on this.
P.S. Given your moniker--DazedandAmused--I think a better signature would be DAM. Maybe accompanied by this:
I can see the argument. But did you ever consider that perhaps my therapist wants me to get "torn a new orifice"? Knowing him as well as I do, maybe I should have thought of that! You may be on to something...
As far as my signature is concerned, my label isn't limited to a handle on the internet.
K. I read your entire post. And that makes you different from the vast majority of men in what way?
I am not unique, or special. I don't consider my life as extra ordinary, but most men try to do good. Most men are loyal, despite what common perceptions exist, or what your personal experiences have taught you.
If this was a roomful of a hundred men, this is the ONE guy I would have decided to finally get the nerve up to talk to. Something about the bad boy, the liar the cheater - the one who will run over me and back up and run over me again. Thats the guy I've always been attracted to. I'm turning into a total cynic, a total nonbeliever in love and relationships. Frankly I believe that this guy exemplifies men in general.
I am a passive kind person who has issues with speaking up when red flags are waving, and when I do-I'm suddenly the crazy one, something strange has happened to me, I'm acting bizarre. I'm no longer worth playing the game with.
I just remembered why I've been single for 7 years. And after reading this, I think I don't mind being single a lot longer.
If this was a roomful of a hundred men, this is the ONE guy I would have decided to finally get the nerve up to talk to. Something about the bad boy, the liar the cheater - the one who will run over me and back up and run over me again. Thats the guy I've always been attracted to. I'm turning into a total cynic, a total nonbeliever in love and relationships. Frankly I believe that this guy exemplifies men in general.
I am a passive kind person who has issues with speaking up when red flags are waving, and when I do-I'm suddenly the crazy one, something strange has happened to me, I'm acting bizarre. I'm no longer worth playing the game with.
I just remembered why I've been single for 7 years. And after reading this, I think I don't mind being single a lot longer.
Foclampt, the problem is that the evils men do often overshadow and drown out the good. I personally know many good men who are single. They respect women, they are loyal, and are generally good people. Its the horror stories that stand out, though, and I understand that. I definitely do not exemplify men in general. However I would say to you that perhaps it is the type of man you are attracted to (by no conscious choice of your own, I understand) who make it seem so common.
If you enjoy being single, that's great. But if you yearn for companionship, it is sad that the fear of bad men is keeping you alone. Try looking outside your comfort zone and dating types that are not traditional or typical - men who you normally don't go for. The good ones are probably in areas where you aren't looking.
So you are staying married to her, you have slept with hundreds of women while you have been with her, and she has no idea - and you don't see yourself as cruel? Honestly, I would say that is the definition of cruel.
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