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Question for the ladies of the board. If you find someone reasonably interesting and attractive who you want to date, do you ever ask them out? Or does the guy have to take the initiative?
No, because if it's clear there is any mutual attraction, then I don't have to ask. It's almost a given that both of us are interested & he ends up asking me out pretty fast.
If there's any question of a mutual attraction, then no, I am not inclined to risk the humiliation. I tend to think if a guy likes you enough, then he'll make the effort to let you know. If not, then he's "not that into you".
Question for the ladies of the board. If you find someone reasonably interesting and attractive who you want to date, do you ever ask them out? Or does the guy have to take the initiative?
Every time I've asked a guy out, he's not been attracted to me as best I can tell (I think he's just being either polite because he doesn't want to hurt a woman's feelings or he figures since I am asking him out I must be despite and easy). Both behaviors are reflected when we go out. The former guy acts more like a friend and the latter is overly sexual like I am going to do him right there in the restaurant or whatever.
So I wait for the man to as me out.
But I do help the process. I flirt, I make sure I am easy to talk to, smile a lot in conversation, I touch (usually a light touch on the hand or shoulder), and basically do whatever I can to make the man in question feel good. But I leave asking out to him.
You know what's interesting. I am reading a book on body language right now... kind of on and off. It says that women "initiate" contact or do the first move 90% of the time. But both men and women think men initiate contact because they are generally the ones who will "walk over" to a woman and ask her out. The point was that a woman initiates contact with body language--or basically across the room flirting--which open's her up to a man.
I still don't believe the percentage--it seems awfully high and I don't know where they got it from (and I don't have the book with me right now). But I am willing to accept that women give out signals first in most cases.
I found an article written by the same psychologist (it doesn't give a name, but even the subheads are exactly the same as the book I am reading) and here's a quote from it:
Quote:
Ask any man who usually makes the first move in courtship and he will invariably say that men do. All studies into courtship, however, show that women are the initiators 90% of the time. A woman does this by sending a series of subtle eye, body and facial signals to the targeted man, who, assuming he is perceptive enough to pick them up, responds to them. There are men who will approach women in a club or bar without being sent the green light but, while some of these men are regularly successful with finding partners, their overall statistical success rate is low because they weren't invited first - they're simply playing the numbers game.
I know it's a little off topic, but it seems to me that if a man doesn't have success with women, maybe he should study body language and read books on it. That article is free and has a lot of the same information (for both men and women). It couldn't hurt to read it.
For what it's worth before people say, "how am I supposed to pick up subtle clues." Most of these body signals are subconscious and people don't even realize they do them.
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