In Hawaii with an ocean view suite. No sex. I'm done. (romantic, conversation)
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So, wait...he's supposed to emotionlessly state his point
he's supposed to maintain control over his emotions, yes, if he wants to be respected by his wife.
based on what i can glean from this thread, that's not his strong suit.
Lilac's previous post explains in more explicit detail what I am talking about when I say he ought to control his emotions.
Quote:
, and hem and haw about it?
absolutely not. I don't know where you got that, because I'm saying the opposite. He likely DID hem and haw about it, and without a coherent point, and that is one of several problems.
If you're going to have a "heart to heart", you need a coherent point. The fact that he had to have 10 separate talks with her suggests to me that he sucks immensely at this aspect of life.
One thing I noticed is that she likes to "talk the talk" when it comes to sex. For example, if I'm on a business trip for a few days, she'll sometimes tell me how horny she feels. But when I get back .. its no different from other times. Only once maybe 3 months ago she pounced on me when I got home. Thats a rare event.
She sometimes alludes to her sexuality as though she has high libido .. but its not true. It looks like she wants to portray to me and to herself that shes very sexual because she thinks she should rather than because does.
That's what I was pointing toward some pages back. She doesn't want sex, but she doesn't want to admit she isn't (or is no longer) feeling sexual. Why is what we don't know.
1. He didn't say, "tell her." His wording is not so innocuous. He said, "have a heart to heart." Which suggests to me that he was emotionally awkward about it.
2. He didn't say the topic was, "he's unhappy with something." He said, "exactly what's bothering me." The word 'exactly' suggests to me that he speaks to her as if he has no filter on what he says.
And lastly, let's put this all into context of the OP's temper tantrum that he brought to this forum, suggesting that he's not aware of what constitutes shameful behavior.
Because he calls it a heart to heart you can magically discern the way he presented ths talk? Hahah! Sorry, but you're a caricature.
That's what I was pointing toward some pages back. She doesn't want sex, but she doesn't want to admit she isn't (or is no longer) feeling sexual. Why is what we don't know.
But...maybe it's too late for why.
She may not be feeling sexual for him......., the rest is anyone else's guess.
Ruth, I've never heard of any counseling that can convince wives to want more sex with their husbands.
If she doesn't like sex or just doesn't like sex with him after all this time, my guess is that nothing will change her mind.
Eh, it's possible this is a dead horse and there's no good in kicking it, but I don't think that can be said for certain until they try. Lots of things could be going on:
1. She could be angry with him or have some stress going on that is dampening her desire to be intimate with him. OP doesn't think that's the case. Maybe it's not. But if that is the case and they both made behavioral changes in therapy, maybe things heat back up.
2. She could be having hormonal issues. Perhaps a trip to the doctor gets her back on track.
3. Her sex drive may have naturally decreased with age, and they have too much other "stuff" going on in their lives for it to feel like something that needs attention. I know how that sounds to a guy who's panting like a dog wanting it, but if she spends 16 hours a day caring for kids, looking after the house, driving them to sports and choir and cheerleading, cooking meals, doing laundry... and then her sex drive isn't particularly high... it can become just another chore. So it's possible that taking some of that off her plate, getting a maid service once a week, giving her more time for her, may make her feel more turned on.
Eh, it's possible this is a dead horse and there's no good in kicking it, but I don't think that can be said for certain until they try. Lots of things could be going on:
1. She could be angry with him or have some stress going on that is dampening her desire to be intimate with him. OP doesn't think that's the case. Maybe it's not. But if that is the case and they both made behavioral changes in therapy, maybe things heat back up.
2. She could be having hormonal issues. Perhaps a trip to the doctor gets her back on track.
3. Her sex drive may have naturally decreased with age, and they have too much other "stuff" going on in their lives for it to feel like something that needs attention. I know how that sounds to a guy who's panting like a dog wanting it, but if she spends 16 hours a day caring for kids, looking after the house, driving them to sports and choir and cheerleading, cooking meals, doing laundry... and then her sex drive isn't particularly high... it can become just another chore. So it's possible that taking some of that off her plate, getting a maid service once a week, giving her more time for her, may make her feel more turned on.
Isn't that what the trip to Hawaii was about?
Not to mention, she leads him on, then pulls away.
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You need to write comedy, son.
