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ROTFL... reminds me of summer camp and swimmers caps to designate where in the pool they could go. At least you can tell by a wedding ring if she's married (doesn't help with boyfriends though).
On the receiving end, almost no man asks me if I am single when he strikes up a conversation with me. But a few have. Most say something indirect like,"I am surprised your boyfriend didn't come with you" or something like that, that would lead into me being able to say, "I don't have a boyfriend."
I almost hate to admit this, but asking that kind of indirect question also allows me to lie to a guy and turn him down without making him feel bad. If I am not interested, I could lie and say, "oh, he had to work" and that would take the sting out of a rejection (I would think/hope). I think a lot of women do this (lie about being in a relationship as a means of turning down a guy gently/making it so it's not a personal assessment of the man asking you out).
First bolded: That's a very dumb thing to say. He might as well just come out and ask. "Most?" A very poor line in my eyes.
Second bolded: I am not okay with lying. Personally, lying bothers me a lot. I also do not like being lied to.
Here's a suggestion - next time don't answer the question. Just say "well, I have to go." Wish him a nice day and/or a "nice talking with you" but only if you mean it and just leave. That kind of a question is not worthy of a response anyway.
First bolded: That's a very dumb thing to say. He might as well just come out and ask.
Second bolded: I am not okay with lying. Personally, lying bothers me a lot. I also do not like being lied to.
Here's a suggestion - next time don't answer the question. Just say "well, I have to go." Wish him a nice day and/or a "nice talking with you" but only if you mean it and just leave. That kind of a question is not worthy of a response anyway.
You do not owe everyone an answer.
You have a very good point. And there is a reason I say that I hate to admit it... it's because I know lying is wrong and I do feel guilty doing it.
I always just figured it would be less hurtful to a man to tell him you already had a boyfriend and safer for me as well. I don't want to make someone feel bad about themselves or rejected by basically telling them, yes I am single but I find you unattractive. Plus, some men are just not good at taking rejection and can get verbally abusive when turned down. Others don't take the no for an answer. Granted, it's a small minority of men--but it's enough to make me want to take the most non-confrontational approach to things.
Just have regular conversations. Every interaction you have with a woman doesn't have to be for the explicit purpose of finding a girlfriend/FWB/fling.
Maybe women should wear color coded arm bands, it would save us guys a lot of time:
Red: Married or has a boyfriend
Purple: Lesbian
Green: Single
Yellow: Married, but "fools around"
Brilliant! I'd add that (1) men should wear similar markings, and (2) there should be another option, for persons who are unattached but wish to remain as such. So there should be a marking for "single and looking", "single and not really looking but conceivably open to possibilities", and (3) "single and most assuredly only interested in being left alone".
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnowerOfThings
Exactly my point. Just ask matter-of-factly whether they're single. "Are you single?" with a straight face. What a waste of time to talk for 45 minutes and try to build up the right atmosphere for asking her out when you don't even know whether she's single. ...
“Single” means literally “never married”. What happens to persons who are divorced (but perhaps have no wish to admit this to strangers) or who have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend? It’s an awkward question, however well-intended it might be. Jillabean’s suggestion is more versatile.
There is also much benefit from speaking with a clever and appealing woman for 45 minutes, even if without any prospect of a date. It’s experience. It’s a chance to broaden oneself and to build contacts. After all, what’s a first-date, if not a 45-minute casual conversation whose main purpose is exploring possibility for a further connection?
You have a very good point. And there is a reason I say that I hate to admit it... it's because I know lying is wrong and I do feel guilty doing it.
I always just figured it would be less hurtful to a man to tell him you already had a boyfriend and safer for me as well. I don't want to make someone feel bad about themselves or rejected by basically telling them, yes I am single but I find you unattractive. Plus, some men are just not good at taking rejection and can get verbally abusive when turned down. Others don't take the no for an answer. Granted, it's a small minority of men--but it's enough to make me want to take the most non-confrontational approach to things.
I have never experienced being asked out on a date in public and I have been single and unattached 30 years of adult life.
Obviously I am not in your shoes. This is one of the many problems due to the fact that men are always expected to do the asking.
Thanks a bunch for putting in the "some" before men. I can't relate as to why they do. Since it is a rare occurrance I'd still go with the truthful route. Also consider there is a strong possibility that there will be people around and he will just be making a fool of himself. Mature adults do not act like that.
Disclaimer: If you feel threatened then by all means lie. A person like that is not owed the truth.
There is also much benefit from speaking with a clever and appealing woman for 45 minutes, even if without any prospect of a date. It’s experience. It’s a chance to broaden oneself and to build contacts. After all, what’s a first-date, if not a 45-minute casual conversation whose main purpose is exploring possibility for a further connection?
Agreed. Having a decent conversation with someone isn't a waste of time.
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