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What is holding me back from asking out girls I like or getting close to a girl before asking her out? It is all so clear to me now It’s not that I not BF material or there is something wrong with me.
I just can’t get over the fact that I do not have it all together and I am 29 years old. Sure I have a job, do not make much $19.00 an hour will not feed a family of 3, 4, 5, and so on. I have a car and my own place but just getting by the skin of my teeth. I do not do anything for fun because I cannot afford to do so. Also I do not have any close guy friends anymore they are all strung on drugs out and have not talk to them in 2 years or so. Making new friends is hard as one gets older most people I know from high school moved or have a family now.
As for my job it is NOT challenging or rewarding and a cave man can do it. There is no wear to move up in this company unless you want to sale your soul for a few more hundred dollars. I need to break the family trend of workaholics and working two jobs for lame pay and no family life. My dad worked 14-16 hour days 6-7 days a week growing up and I never got to have that father son bonding relationship. Do you know I never played catch with my dad? It is a great feeling to see everyone else’s dad cheer them on when I played sports just one it would have been nice to hear keep going so you can do it .
Well I am 29 and feel like I am not successful at all. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure. I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. That being said I been taking class at a community college and get my PER-NURSING Associate of Applied Science Degree and then transfer over to a four year college to get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Now that giving this college thing all I got still taking prerequisites got to get good grades. So now it is a good time to meet people and woman and get back in the dating game.
My main source of inspiration to become a nurse comes from an innate desire to help people and care for them in times of need. I am also a person who thrives on being challenged and I always have new goals to achieve, so nursing suits me as few other careers offer as much diversity and learning opportunities.
I am somewhat on the Introvert side for the most part. I am Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily, and well informed, well read; enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. I am a warm and caring person, deep and complex. Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings good communication skills, especially written, I take my commitments very seriously; have very high expectations for themselves and others and a good listener.
I am sensitive but I do not overdo it. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. Tendency to hold back part of myself, have an extreme dislike of conflict and criticism. I do not make friends easily and people say I can be aloof some times. I do not like being center of attention and I often give back way more then I receive. I make people laugh and am a sarcastic and jokes around. Next I would say I try to do the right thing but sometimes I do not. I think of other people b4 I think of myself.
One last thing people seem to come to me for advice or when they need to get something off there chest.
So what is stopping me you ask? It is the constant feeling of never being good enough. There are all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. The main thing is if I got into a relationship now I worry if let’s say I knock her up and she having my kid I do not have my stuff together and I have to quit college to take two jobs 60-80 hours a week seeing I have a kid to feed . I would not care if she had a job and made money I would need to step my game up so I can give my child everything. I will drive myself mad with that and still will feel like I am a loser if I can’t be the dad I want to be.
On the other hand it might make me 1000x more driven to get college done and I give up sleep to get college done faster. I would uses it as fuel in the sense that I want my kids to be proud of me, and if I'm not good at what I do, and if I'm not trying my hardest at what I do, then all this **** I'm putting them through because of my demons has been a waste. The very least I can do for them would to be the best dad I can. That might help me feel like, "OK, take your **** more seriously. Don't just throw away study time. Don't let the days go by without having done any work. I could not help but feel what they need from me is to be relatively content and to be there for them, knowing I can't torture myself over this stuff. But I would anyways. The desire to feel like I am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps.
I just have this picture perfect image of how I want my life to go. I want to have a GF/wife a few kids a dog and live in a nice house on the hill. Also money in the bank and an extra house to rent out to make extra income that we will need to send our kids to college. Do things as a family and be hands on dad and make every game, dance recital or whatever event my kids are involved in. Take my wife out on dates and spend time together seeing that she most likely be my best friend.
I can’t for whatever reason just work my dead end job and be happy. A lot of it is fear of the future. Do I want to be a 75-year-old man; working retail no kids no wife only 13 cats just waiting to die.
I know I am not boyfriend material, but I got nothing to offer a woman right now.
So what do woman look for in a long term BF or Husband? I know I will be that material someday just not now.
I just do not understand now guys that are losers get dates like it nothing but guy like me are left out in the cold. I now I need help and I am making that happen as you read this.
The answer to your question is somewhere in your post.
Now, I am about the same age as you and I make nowhere near as much as you. But let me tell you something that I told myself.
GET OVER IT.
I had the similar mindset that you did, until earlier this year (around springtime). I just got over myself and started looking for ways that I can interact with people I already know.
This may sound harsh, but you are not as bad as you think. $19 an hour? are you kidding me? I know people that support their children on half of that.
Here's the thing, you will never measure up, you will never be good enough (for yourself), but somewhere around you there is this woman who will accept you. (This is what I have learned so far).
I myself make less than you and I'm pretty much on the verge of a relationship.
The key to getting dates is to put yourself out there.
The answer to your question is somewhere in your post.
Now, I am about the same age as you and I make nowhere near as much as you. But let me tell you something that I told myself.
GET OVER IT.
I had the similar mindset that you did, until earlier this year (around springtime). I just got over myself and started looking for ways that I can interact with people I already know.
This may sound harsh, but you are not as bad as you think. $19 an hour? are you kidding me? I know people that support their children on half of that.
Here's the thing, you will never measure up, you will never be good enough (for yourself), but somewhere around you there is this woman who will accept you. (This is what I have learned so far).
I myself make less than you and I'm pretty much on the verge of a relationship.
The key to getting dates is to put yourself out there.
I need a job that I am passionate about and have something to work towards. Next people to not think to highly of retail workers , and most view them as uneducated.
I need a lot more then 19 an hour to live wear i want to live.
So what is stopping me you ask? It is the constant feeling of never being good enough. There are all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. The main thing is if I got into a relationship now I worry if let’s say I knock her up and she having my kid I do not have my stuff together and I have to quit college to take two jobs 60-80 hours a week seeing I have a kid to feed . I would not care if she had a job and made money I would need to step my game up so I can give my child everything. I will drive myself mad with that and still will feel like I am a loser if I can’t be the dad I want to be.
If I were to narrow it down to what I think would be the thing holding you back, it is this right here. Your opinion of yourself.
Having a feeling that you do not and can not live up to expectations is not healthy, and does not even seem accurate. You should work on this, which may mean talking to some professional help too.
My main source of inspiration to become a nurse comes from an innate desire to help people and care for them in times of need. I am also a person who thrives on being challenged and I always have new goals to achieve, so nursing suits me as few other careers offer as much diversity and learning opportunities.
I also what a job that matters like if i do not show up to work my patients will suffer and my co workwers will have to cover for me . So I have to be there to care for my patients and get them back to good heath.
I want to work in the following units :
Neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) is an intensive care unit specializing in the care of ill or premature newborn infants
Trauma Surgery Intensive Care Unit (TSICU)
Pediatric nursing
ER or ICU but want to specialize in something.
I feel i was born to do more then work retail , so i want a job that uses my personal strengths.
If I were to narrow it down to what I think would be the thing holding you back, it is this right here. Your opinion of yourself.
Having a feeling that you do not and can not live up to expectations is not healthy, and does not even seem accurate. You should work on this, which may mean talking to some professional help too.
yea, I am getting help with that . I just want to give my kids and wife things I did not have. Like we never did any thing as a family and i want to do things as a family but one needs money to do that.
OP, you don't sound too confident, dude. That right there is a big turnoff. Appreciate who you are. You're not defined by money, job, house or car. You're defined by what's on the inside.
Hey, just the fact that you have put a lot of thought into all this demonstrates to me that you are maturing into a man. You have a long term plan and some longer term dreams for your life. You have identified your strengths and you know who you are and what you want. How does that make you a loser?
It sounds to me like you are more than ready for a girlfriend. No one expects you to be perfect. Find an imperfect woman to date and share some fun with, enjoy very safe sex. Don't look at the worst case scenario. Think of it as preparing for that day when you ARE ready to make a commitment to the right woman.
Humans are supposed to date each other and make mistakes and learn from that experience. Try it!
My main source of inspiration to become a nurse comes from an innate desire to help people and care for them in times of need. I am also a person who thrives on being challenged and I always have new goals to achieve, so nursing suits me as few other careers offer as much diversity and learning opportunities.
I also what a job that matters like if i do not show up to work my patients will suffer and my co workwers will have to cover for me . So I have to be there to care for my patients and get them back to good heath.
I want to work in the following units :
Neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) is an intensive care unit specializing in the care of ill or premature newborn infants
Trauma Surgery Intensive Care Unit (TSICU)
Pediatric nursing
ER or ICU but want to specialize in something.
I feel i was born to do more then work retail , so i want a job that uses my personal strengths.
Hey, I worked retail myself, and I've always known that I was meant for more than that. And you are right, retail is just, meh to people. As a writer who is barely making enough to eat, I get more respect than I had as a retail cashier.
These jobs that you are trying to get into are very admirable. I myself as a writer deal more with emotional and relational problems. I'm a freelancer, so I basically am my own boss. I myself am wanting to help others.
This could be my first gig.
The only thing that is holding you back is you. (That's how it was for me, too. Everyone seemed to believe in me, I was the only one who didn't).
You have a lot going for you. I do believe that you will find something that is valuable to you and others. It is a hard battle. It was hard for me, but I'm making it.
Best wishes
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