People fall in love based on looks. Why deny it? (date, movies)
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Nice packaging on the outside is fine and dandy, but if the content inside is not to my tastes,
I'm not going to be interested and bother getting to know the person further/intimately.
Indeed, factors other than raw physical attraction form the bases of lasting relationships. However, the OP is partially correct, in that first-impressions are substantially based on physical appearance, at least among the young. A favorable first impression lasts until there’s strong evidence to the contrary, and an unfavorable one requires much additional interaction to overcome.
Persons with difficulty making a favorable first impression will struggle in dating, as in all human relations. Fortunately, as others have said, an attractive appearance is only one part of making a good first impression. And its importance declines with age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire
I'll take a faithful & loving 7 over a cheating guy who looks like a 10.
This is eminently true. If we’re going to reduce people to numerical scores on their appearance, then indeed a “7” with stellar qualities of character and intelligence is going to be preferred to a “10” lacking those attributes. But what about a “4”? or a “1”? At some point, unappealing physical appearance does become a strong impediment to forming a relationship. So again I’m going to acquiesce that the OP is partially correct, in that it is counterproductive to deny that a “5” male will not take interest in a “1” female.
Indeed, factors other than raw physical attraction form the bases of lasting relationships. However, the OP is partially correct, in that first-impressions are substantially based on physical appearance, at least among the young. A favorable first impression lasts until there’s strong evidence to the contrary, and an unfavorable one requires much additional interaction to overcome.
Persons with difficulty making a favorable first impression will struggle in dating, as in all human relations. Fortunately, as others have said, an attractive appearance is only one part of making a good first impression. And its importance declines with age.
I don't disagree with your stipulations^
from Daniel Kahneman's 2011 book "Thinking, Fast and Slow":
Quote:
Originally Posted by book excerpt
pg.83: "The sequence in which we observe characteristics of a person is often determined by chance.
Sequence matters, however, because the halo effect increases the weight of first impressions,
sometimes to the point that subsequent information is mostly wasted."
I have no problem admitting that initially physical attraction is very important. Very difficult to get excited about someone that you are not pleased with looking at.
My first gf was not someone I considered hot. In fact, she was average at best when I met her. We became friends for about 6 months or so, and I eventually asked her out cause she was fun, and I liked her personality.
We were together for about 18 months.
It happens.
but, this was when i was in college and online dating was not used much to my knowledge at the time.
But these days, it does really seem that looks are a very strong driving factor, especially on cold approaches. Being classy and having convo for the sake of having convo is becoming more rare. It is hard to chat with someone that isnt interested in you as a potential s/o, meaning they find you attractive.
Only through social circles and networking and family and sometimes jobs can a 'slow buildup' of attraction occur.
It seems harder than ever, but it may have always been this way. Hard to say unless you hop in the Delorian and check out 1983.
This is totally how it happened with my current relationship. I must admit - he's the hot one and 6 years younger than me. I know he wasn't attracted to me at first when he started working with me. But after several opportunities to get to know one another at happy hour outings with the co-workers, the small talk increased and sparks began to fly. We started dating about 5 months after he started working with me.
And .. even though I found my guy attractive immediately, I didn't think we'd be compatible the first few times we chatted. So even though he was obviously good-looking, his physical features took a back seat once I got a feel for his personality. It wasn't until we got to know each other a bit more and warmed up to one another that we hit it off. So, no, I can't imagine falling in love based on looks or looks being extremely important.
Everyone's physical criteria for attraction differs greatly. What one may find physically appealing another may not.
A person's appearance can be a 'hook' of sorts. A person who takes care of themselves and has pride in their appearance often draw onlookers, no doubt.
I was introduced to someone and I dated him. He was good looking, extremely well off and we went on a vacation out of the country early in the relationship. However, after we boarded the plane to come home, I got up and changed rows about 6 away from his. I could not stand one more second with him. It was winter, around Christmas, and our plane landed close to midnight. The airport was about 45 minutes to an hour away from home. It occured to me we drove my car to the airport. I couldn't stand one more minute of the guy and said adios at the airport and left him to his own devices to find a way home.
This man's personality and attitude trumped anything and everything else he had to offer. Your theory is one of inexperience and flawed.
I know. That's my point. It's hard for me to be in love with someone because that would require them being sexually attracted to me.
You need to be in a relationship where loving feelings grow over time to being "in love". You don't become "in love" by being attracted to someone's external appearance.
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