Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (young, divorced, friends)

[ProjectMersh]

Originally Posted by radiolibre99

Exactly. Do not go out looking for a date in these areas unless that is what you're looking for and you have loads of money to play that ridiculous game.

Last Saturday I was at a great bar in Toluca Lake, not expecting a thing to happen and throughout the night I was hit on by two gorgeous women. I was wondering if I had accidently transported out of LA and back into my home State because that is what it felt like. It's been forever since I've seen women take the initiative so I was left almost speechless. I was on a date there so I couldn't just flirt back but it was cool to know that there are places in LA where you can have that normal interaction with well meaning beautiful women like in other cities.
I don't even think I want to go back into town to drink. I think I'll stick to the Valley for now.

Sorry to rain on your parade Radiolibre but you were on a date. Hence you had more appeal than if you were alone. And if you were on a date were these women really well meaning or just looking to get a rise out of a guy they knew was on a date? Also, Toluca Lake is pretty much within the ring of fire discussed previously (West LA, Beverly Hills, Studio City, Sherman Oaks, etc).

[ElysianEagle]

Originally Posted by ProjectMersh

Sorry to rain on your parade Radiolibre but you were on a date. Hence you had more appeal than if you were alone.

this.

had this happen to me numerous times over the years, and to all of my guy buddies as well. when you're with a woman, other women feel safer around you, and take it as a sign of approval of sorts - "he's legit". and the hotter the woman you're with, the more interested other women seem to be.

it's weird, but definitely happens.

[radiolibre99]

Ok, yes I was on a date with a beautiful girl but the girls that approached me didn't know I was on a date. Were they just acting as though they didn't know to flirt with me? Also, why would they flirt, not just flirt but hit on, a guy they knew was with someone?

One of the girls was trying to rib me, as in joking around with me, lots of touching and got a drink for me at the end of the night. I know she knew I was with someone, so I guess your point may make sense.

Well this is just fantastic. LOL. Now I am trying to remember the whole night and re-analyze everything that just happened! Why would they want a taken guy? There were a lot of single guys there.

And would you guys really consider Toluca Lake as in the same vein as WeHo and Beverly Hills? It's upscale but it lacks the pretention in my opinion. It's home-y.

[disgruntled la native]

Originally Posted by radiolibre99

Ok, yes I was on a date with a beautiful girl but the girls that approached me didn't know I was on a date. Were they just acting as though they didn't know to flirt with me? Also, why would they flirt, not just flirt but hit on, a guy they knew was with someone?

One of the girls was trying to rib me, as in joking around with me, lots of touching and got a drink for me at the end of the night. I know she knew I was with someone, so I guess your point may make sense.

Well this is just fantastic. LOL. Now I am trying to remember the whole night and re-analyze everything that just happened! Why would they want a taken guy? There were a lot of single guys there.

And would you guys really consider Toluca Lake as in the same vein as WeHo and Beverly Hills? It's upscale but it lacks the pretention in my opinion. It's home-y.

That's a dating phenomenon common among women (and some men) in major cities. It's a complicated psychological chase. A lot of women here want an available man, but as soon as the man shows one iota too much interest, most of them run for the hills. Reasons include they weren't serious in the first place, psychological baggage about self worth (Why would anyone be into me??). The fact that a man appears "taken" means the women can chase without worrying about the guy showing too much interest and pushing her away. I know it's ironic because how is anyone supposed to get into a committed relationship when the woman always runs when a guy shows interest? At the very least, take some credit for yourself, those women would not have pursued you if they didn't at least find you physically attractive. but yes, being with a date surely got them in the mood to pursue you.

Toluca Lake isn't quite like WeHo and hollywood It's sort of an in between area. A lot of the "industry" types you'll see out in WeHo or Hollywood actually live in places like Toluca Lake or Burbank. So you get a mix between those types going to their local bar, and then a mix of down to earth valley girls.

[moonsparkle]

Originally Posted by disgruntled la native

I'm not talking about literal ratio of men and women. I'm talking about the ideal man for women (IN LA) and how that ratio is extremely skewed. I described the attributes women in LA tend to look for men, and those men are very rare - and heavily gay. That's why women always say, "oh, the good men are gay or taken"

One of my good friends in DC tells me that DC has the absolute worst male/female ratio, although it's supposed to have the most single women per capita or something like that.

Because of single old women, or single women in the hood with several "baby daddy's" (of any race), the ratio often looks misleading. The amount of attractive single women after college sharply declines. The few that are still single (especially without kids) or even recently divorced at any given time may have the attention of 50-100 guys campaigning for her.

I think another thing that gets overlooked, because of the ratios being how they are, even average women are somewhat pedastalized (because of facebook mainly and their "beta orbiters" commenting on even the stupidest thing they say) so they consider themselves above the average male. Also, a man cannot make a decent living in a lower-wage job how he could a generation ago, and lack of income hurts men more than women by far in the dating market.

[radiolibre99]

Because of single old women, or single women in the hood with several "baby daddy's" (of any race), the ratio often looks misleading. The amount of attractive single women after college sharply declines. The few that are still single (especially without kids) or even recently divorced at any given time may have the attention of 50-100 guys campaigning for her.

I think another thing that gets overlooked, because of the ratios being how they are, even average women are somewhat pedastalized (because of facebook mainly and their "beta orbiters" commenting on even the stupidest thing they say) so they consider themselves above the average male. Also, a man cannot make a decent living in a lower-wage job how he could a generation ago, and lack of income hurts men more than women by far in the dating market.

I hate to say this but that is dead on. There are a lot of pretty girls out there who because of the many many photos of themselves they put up, think they're models of the highest caliber. The comments they receive from friends or creepy male followers serve only to further delude them into thinking that they're way more beautiful than they think they are. Same happens with guys; usually douches, but I cannot tell you the number of women I know who elevate themselves above everyone else just because random horny guys hit on them or their friends tell her "you're soooooo beautiful, Aileen. OMG."

You would think one time maybe two times would be enough but I know women who post a pic of themselves online, every single week. Not just shots of themselves near the beach but just pics of themselves. In their car, giving a smooches kiss face, in their bathroom off the reflection of a mirror, when they buy new clothes, etc etc etc. I mean every week! That just tells me that some of these girls have serious insecurity self esteem issues.

[Tex?Il?]

Originally Posted by jm1982

I think Silver Lake feels very shallow/materialistic and pretentious ...probably worse than Santa Monica and Venice combined.

I think I'd rather almost have it over the top and snobby ,rather than the these people that act like they are non materialistic and "down to earth" but act like they aren't "mainstream"

In other words I'd rather have someone riding in their Bentley wearing Armani and blasting Top 20 songs, rather than some hipster that thinks they are cool because they are wearing all the right "accessories" that aren't sold in the department stores and listen to "bands you haven't heard of yet"

I agree with this.

[radiolibre99]

Yeah, some of the hipsters can be just as bad if not worse than some douche who would clearly just leave you alone and not give you the time of day but a sardonic annoying hipster type would propbaly people watch and try make you feel inferior if he felt you didn't meet his IQ pre-requisite.

[majoun]

Originally Posted by disgruntled la native

That's a dating phenomenon common among women (and some men) in major cities. It's a complicated psychological chase. A lot of women here want an available man, but as soon as the man shows one iota too much interest, most of them run for the hills. Reasons include they weren't serious in the first place, psychological baggage about self worth (Why would anyone be into me??). The fact that a man appears "taken" means the women can chase without worrying about the guy showing too much interest and pushing her away. I know it's ironic because how is anyone supposed to get into a committed relationship when the woman always runs when a guy shows interest? At the very least, take some credit for yourself, those women would not have pursued you if they didn't at least find you physically attractive. but yes, being with a date surely got them in the mood to pursue you.

Toluca Lake isn't quite like WeHo and hollywood It's sort of an in between area. A lot of the "industry" types you'll see out in WeHo or Hollywood actually live in places like Toluca Lake or Burbank. So you get a mix between those types going to their local bar, and then a mix of down to earth valley girls.

Women are always more interested in men who are taken. There's a certain safety to doing so, as well as a challenge in getting the man away from the other woman. Just like how it's easier to get a job if one's already employed.

I'd also consider Toluca Lake to be in an in between area, unlike WeHo, Hollywood, Santa Monica, etc. for the reasons that the Disgruntled One gave. Perhaps one could even consider Sherman Oaks to be in between as well, for the same reasons. I don't think there are any westside "in between" areas anymore.

[radiolibre99]

Well then I like the in-between areas because they're not too ritzy not to gritty, just right. These areas remind me of the middle-upper middle class areas I grew up in and never had to deal with any real attitude. I guess that is why my favorite areas are places like Studio City, Toluca Lake, Burbank, Pasadena and even NoHo Arts I don't even do the whole Silverlake/Echo/Los Feliz thing anymore, on occasion but mostly I just stay out of the core these days. These places are still great but I just found my comfort zone. Sherman Oaks, I don't like too much.

On the subject of women liking other women's guys, that's messed up! Women like guys who are taken? I heard that as true but didn't know they actually went for that.

What is funny is that both girls assumed I was with someone without actually meeting her.