Ex-fiance has turned friends/family against me... (sociopathic, female, cheat)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's the fact that you flicked your heart off like a light switch and went your merry way like some kind of sociopath that makes you look like a giant douchecanoe. So own your actions, take your lumps, learn from the experience, and see if you can't find it in yourself to show a little bit of compassion.
I didn't flick my heart off like a switch. You haven't read the entire thread. I've been trying to break off this relationship for a long time, about a year actually. My ex is pretty crazy when it comes to our relationship. She threatened to harm herself twice before when I talked about breaking up. She also go violent with me. I have some very strong suspicions that she actually purposely caused her car accident to get me to stay. But I have no way to prove it.
My current girlfriend isn't someone who I just met and moved right in with. I've known her for 6 months and we became friends before we decided to get romantically involved.
Is there anyone here besides me that doubts this entire story?
Just checking.
Sadly, crazy things like this really happen. When my husband was in intensive care a year or so ago something, somewhat similar was happening to the guy the next bed/cubical over.
The guy was also in a coma & then in intensive care. While he was there his girlfriend/ fiancé// dumped all of his clothes and furniture into the street and changed the locks to their joint apartment. By the time that a neighbor called the police everything had been taken or ruined/ran over by cars.
To add insult to injury I overheard the nurses saying that the fiancé had drained their joint bank account. and because of missing so much work the guy was fired from his job so his insurance stopped.
As my husband was being released we overheard that guy would probably have to go to a homeless shelter to recover from his injuries. He was despondent. Imagine, having good health, insurance, a good job. a fiancé, apartment, savings, clothes & furniture one month and the next month none of those things.
I remember thinking what a jerk the fiancé was to kick him out while he was in a coma. Obviously, I didn't know the details but it seemed pretty heartless.
i would be so mystified to receive something like this from an acquaintance
i don't want to know any details of anyone else's breakups. do other people on this board?
i'm not saying you were wrong, i'm just kind of saying "huh?"
i know divorce is different, but when i had 3 and 4 year LTRs end, few mutual friends never got this much detail from either of us. they just tried to be civil and not pry basically...
as far as your ex and his trash talking, when someone starts bitching about their ex i usually just kind of tune it out. if they b*tch too much i usually assume it was probably their fault. didn't a lot of your friends just not care about whatever he was saying?
Most of them were well-received actually. I think it's how and why I wrote it. I didn't send it out willy-nilly. I sent it out to very specific people. Specifically those who were openly blaming me for leaving him at such a bad time in his life and/or talking bad about me to other friends who knew the truth (but didn't feel it was their place to tell them what they knew).
Also, I didn't air our dirty laundry by any means, I kinda started out with saying I'm sad that they feel I would be that type of person and hope that they'd hear some of my side of the story. Then I just told them that I didn't leave him because he was unemployed, and in fact, I was the one that told him to quit his job in the first place. And a few more things, but nothing in detail. Like saying I hadn't been happy for a very long time. He's known about this, this isn't a surprise. We've been living together, but separated since XYZ date, etc. Facts. No details and no bitching about him at all.
Most of them wrote back asking to talk to me a bit more and that they didn't think I was like that, but what he said sounded so believable. I also made sure that, hey, in his mind, I am that person, so it's not like he's lying to them (so as not to gain their "side", that wasn't my goal). In the end, I kept their friendship secure and kept our friendship alive by showing them that I wasn't that horrible person he made me out to be.
As for our friends not caring. That's the thing. MY friends didn't care. OUR friends, many of them weren't sure. Especially since I kinda retreated to myself (I'm an introvert and needed a lot of alone time to recoup, so I became anti-social for a few months) and he started going out with them a lot (very outgoing, can't be alone). So, they only heard his side. Only 2 people approached me to ask me what happened. The rest all took his side, because he talked to them about it and I wasn't out there spewing my side of it (not like I would anyways).
Hope that made sense. I just wanted to repair some of the friendships I made with these people because 1. I genuinely like them, 2. I'd have to interact with them due to mutual activities, and 3. I didn't want it to become awkward between us all.
Sadly, crazy things like this really happen. When my husband was in intensive care a year or so ago something, somewhat similar was happening to the guy the next bed/cubical over.
The guy was also in a coma & then in intensive care. While he was there his girlfriend/ fiancé// dumped all of his clothes and furniture into the street and changed the locks to their joint apartment. By the time that a neighbor called the police everything had been taken or ruined/ran over by cars.
To add insult to injury I overheard the nurses saying that the fiancé had drained their joint bank account. and because of missing so much work the guy was fired from his job so his insurance stopped.
As my husband was being released we overheard that guy would probably have to go to a homeless shelter to recover from his injuries. He was despondent. Imagine, having good health, insurance, a good job. a fiancé, apartment, savings, clothes & furniture one month and the next month none of those things.
I remember thinking what a jerk the fiancé was to kick him out while he was in a coma. Obviously, I didn't know the details but it seemed pretty heartless.
I really hope you're not comparing the above situation to mine. Because they're nothing alike. Not even remotely.
What seems odd to me that over the course of this entire troubled relationship, OP never confided once, to a single friend or family member, his doubts: about his fiancee's suicidal threats, her mental health, his feelings of being trapped by her emotional blackmail, or his intention to break up and move out. That just seems strange.
Your friends who you knew before you met her and brought into the relationship should stick with you. Her friends and her family will stick with her. You should just expect that and move on.
What seems odd to me that over the course of this entire troubled relationship, OP never confided once, to a single friend or family member, his doubts: about his fiancee's suicidal threats, her mental health, his feelings of being trapped by her emotional blackmail, or his intention to break up and move out. That just seems strange.
Actually, I've talked previously with my parents and my brothers about some of the fights my ex and I used to get into. I didn't divulge all the details to them, but I did talk to them about it. Honestly, it wasn't until I met my current girlfriend that I really started to talk about the major issues in my relationship with my ex. I've never really confided in anyone as much as I have with her. In fact, I would say she's the one who really taught me to open up about that stuff. I also have a one friend who knows about some of the issues between my ex and me. He is still a good friend, although I don't see him as much since I moved.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
