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Old 09-12-2013, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Illinois
4,751 posts, read 5,439,701 times
Reputation: 13001

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I started attending a congregation (not Xtian) in January. There is a man there who I would really be interested in getting to know better, but I am not sure how to approach for a few reasons.

Here's the info: He was very nice to me on the very first day I attended, and when we "greet our neighbors" he always makes a point to shake my hand and tell me he's glad to see me. I make sure that I give him a big smile and shake his hand with both of mine. I never see him do this with any of the other single women there. He appears to be single - has never brought a woman with him nor mentions a woman ("My girlfriend and I went somewhere this weekend..." etc) when we share our news with the congregation. There is no wedding ring. We are on the same "level" for those of you who think that way. We also ran into each other someplace else once and he seemed particularly glad to see me. I've been kicking myself since then for not just asking him out then and there!

Here's the conundrums: 1. Am I reading too much into this? Maybe he's just being a nice guy, and I don't want to embarrass him.

2. He may think I'm younger than I am - I don't look 38. Maybe that's why he hasn't asked?

3. How should I approach? His number is in our directory so I could cold-call him, but I would prefer face to face. Suggestions?

(Please don't be too snarky - I have only had a handful of dates over the last few years and I'm still a little bit gun-shy)
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:55 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,994,484 times
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Ask him out for coffee the next time you see him. Just be casual about it and don't push the envelope. If he's seeing someone or has a SO he'll tell you when you ask that question.
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:56 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,958,706 times
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You are overthinking.
He probably likes you at some level.
It can't hurt to either ask him out for coffee at the next meeting, or you could be bold and cold call him.
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Old 09-12-2013, 03:11 PM
 
198 posts, read 262,807 times
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I think you may be making a big deal out of nothing. Just ask him out, all he can do is say no.
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Old 09-12-2013, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
Ask him him out for coffee like Prince said or to breakfast before church starts. It sounds promising. And it could be just friends hanging out. It will make him wonder.

Afterwards let him choose the next "meeting". Good luck!
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Old 09-12-2013, 03:21 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,210 posts, read 107,883,295 times
Reputation: 116153
Does your congregation have any fellowship gatherings, where congregants gather over tea and coffee? Or any community events? If not, just ask him if he'd like to go for coffee when you next see him.
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Old 09-12-2013, 03:26 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,177,253 times
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He isn't attracted to you but likes you as a person.
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Old 09-12-2013, 04:13 PM
 
3,549 posts, read 5,376,373 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox View Post
He isn't attracted to you but likes you as a person.
How on earth do you come to this conclusion from her post?

I think she seems really nice and apparently he is too. I really think she should at least ask him.

You miss 100% of the chances you dont take.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
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Old 09-12-2013, 04:56 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,177,253 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
How on earth do you come to this conclusion from her post?

I think she seems really nice and apparently he is too. I really think she should at least ask him.

You miss 100% of the chances you dont take.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
Because he hasn't asked her out and she is wondering whether he is interested. I say he isn't. Grown men ask women out. This dude is presumably 40+ and what, he's too scared to ask her out though she really wants him? Nope, I don't think so. She should go ahead and ask if she wants, but men don't respond well to being pursued and will hit it if she's passable.... anything more likely won't happen.
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Old 09-12-2013, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox View Post
Because he hasn't asked her out and she is wondering whether he is interested. I say he isn't. Grown men ask women out. This dude is presumably 40+ and what, he's too scared to ask her out though she really wants him? Nope, I don't think so. She should go ahead and ask if she wants, but men don't respond well to being pursued and will hit it if she's passable.... anything more likely won't happen.
Bull, many men don't ask out.
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