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Just wondering why anyone would deny anyone closure in a relationship?
To make a long story short, I was dating a guy for almost two years. During the relationship, he would do some things that were questionable to lead me to believe he was dating other women.
We got into an argument one day. I sent him a bunch of text msgs while he was at work accusing him of having another woman. He said I caused him a lot stress and avoided me for a bit. It made me feel very guilty. One day during our break, I ran into him with a kid and a woman. Long story I found out then and there he had a kid. He lied to me in the relationship and told me that he had no kids. So he hid this from me. So although I was wrong about a woman, he still lied to me about something. I sent him a letter telling him that all he had to do was tell me the truth and I wouldn't have given him a hard time during our relationship. I would have been supportive. I respect parents - esp single dads.
He breaks up with me through a text msg a few days ago and did not take responsibility for lying and basically blamed me bc he said I stressed him. He said whether I knew or not if he had a child has nothing to do with why the relationship ended. But obviously it ended around the time I was questioning odd things he was doing. I haven't seen him since. I'm very depressed, my self esteem is low and I feel as if I have no self worth. This is a guy who put me on a pedistool and them just dropped me. We went out a lot (typical dating relationship ) and he was always supportive of me. He will not discuss the issue. He's moved on and enjoying his life, his career and friends while I'm hurt. I don't have a lot of people in my life and he was a big part of it. And so this has devastated me. I'd feel better If I had my last words to him but that won't happen. Why do people deny others closure? I feel as if he's mostly to blame for the breakup. I don't know why he would lie about having a child. I don't want him back. Just want an explanation. Btw dumping me by text was hurtful. He was like let's be friends - it didn't work out the other way.
Why do you care? He lied about having a kid. Chances are he is actually married too. I'd just move on if I were you.
I wish I could say he was married and that would be my closure. But he's not. So it makes it very confusing for me. I obviously care to know why he hid the child. He also lied about his age. He's much older apparently than he says he was.
Just wondering why anyone would deny anyone closure in a relationship?
Probably because of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leahbyah
...... I sent him a bunch of text msgs while he was at work accusing him of having another woman......
BIG mistake. Immature. Disruptive. Controlling. If someone I was dating pulled a jealous stunt like that on me while I was at work I'd split up with them permanently on the spot and they would not be getting any explanation or "closure" for it.
I think part of your problem with this is that you have to accept that you weren't as important to him as you'd like to think you were (not trying to offend here). He obviously didn't have as much stock in the relationship as you'd like to think he did, no matter what he did or said. If he had cared about you, you would have known this within the first week - he didn't think enough of the relationship to even be honest about that. Besides, if he lies to you about that, then you would be foolish to think he hasn't lied to you about so many other things, like other girlfriends or whatever.
Looking back 10 years later on a similar circumstance myself (not a child, but a hidden wife) I would say this: he's a dick. If he does not respect his own family/child, then he isn't going to respect a girlfriend. It would be very naïve to think he has more priority in a girlfriend than his own child.
You don't want "closure", you want him to admit he was an *******. Well, if he was an honest sympathetic man in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. Move on.
BIG mistake. Immature. Disruptive. Controlling. If someone I was dating pulled a jealous stunt like that on me while I was at work I'd split up with them permanently on the spot and they would not be getting any explanation or "closure" for it.
You might get more sympathetic responses to your topic if you post it in the "Relationships" forum.
[URL]//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/[/URL]
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Funny he lied about a lot of things. Who's controlling, me or him? Who lies about a child??? Who's the controlled the whole relationships. A woman's intuition is never wrong. He lied about something. Now I know why he was so secretive... I'm very easy easy. You're probably just like which is why your answer is more supportive of someone ego would deny their own and blood? Hide it from a woman??? lie about their age??? Cancel last minute at christmas and other holidays??? yells at me when I express disappointment for cancelling on holiday stuff Without a sincere apology??? He should of been honest. I've never been called controlling by any man. Lol. You're a joker. You're probably a player yourself and have many successful relationships.
Leah, he was wrong to do that. But now you are losing your dignity. You can be well-assured that he is not going to want to talk to you. If he cared that much, he would not have done those things in the first place. You are looking for remorse and apologies, you are looking for "I'm so sorry I did that to you". "Closure" could very well be "because I didn't give two hoots about you and you were just another conquest" - is that going to be acceptable too? No, it's because you're looking for what you want him to tell you, not "closure".
Save your dignity when someone wrongs you and move on. He has a child and a woman he had a child with - if he doesn't give them a remorseful apology, then he isn't going to give it to a girlfriend. Part of moving on is accepting that maybe you thought you meant more to him than you really did, sorry.
Your "need for closure" sounds clingy and a hope that another conversation will change his mind. Get that out of your head, don't contact him, and move on. I've seen a few women who think their divorced husband will leave his new wife and come back to them. Don't go there.
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