Have you ever actually been on a date with someone who was rude to waitstaff? (guy, internet)
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Not around me, because I hang out with nice people. I've seen people at other tables be horrible to the people they are with.
What I see a lot of in restaurants and stores is not acknowledging that the wait staff or clerks are human beings. To me it looks self-absorbed and thus rude. It costs nothing to say "good morning" or "thank you"
I suspect that the rude person thinks it makes them look sophisticated, like they deserve to be waited on hand and foot and expect it as their due, and are much too good to acknowledge the help.
Well, I've been around the extremely rich, old money, and people of royal blood and titles and they ALL acknowledge the wait staff and use polite words like please and thank you. So it is not sophisticated or worldly to insult or demean the help.
I've not been with anyone who was rude to waitstaff, but I will admit to not tipping on two occasions.
One was when all meals were brought out except for mine. After everyone had about finished eating (I told them to go ahead), when they told me the meat had gone bad and would I like something else. They comped the meal, but I thought they should have said something before or when they brought the meals out, instead of waiting to the end. Oh, and no waitstaff was to be seen while we were eating, it was like they went on a break, so I wasn't able to ask about it before.
The other time, I was coaching youth soccer and we were away for a tournament. We went to a chain restaurant and while the kids were rambunctious, they weren't overly so. The waitress was rude to everyone. One of the kids had a roll of pennies and spelled out TIP with them. The last day, we ended up going to a different restaurant in the same chain. This time the waitress looked harried by our group, but served everyone well. They added the tip to the bill (first time it was individual tickets), plus some of the kids left a tip at their tables, which which she got to keep.
One jerk I met for a date at a restaurant was blatantly ogling the backside of a nearby waitress serving another table. She turned around and gave him a dirty/exasperated expression, like "really?" I didn't care he was checking out another woman because as soon as he parked his car and got out I knew there wouldn't be a second date.
Another dude I was seeing took me to an ethnic restaurant (of his ethnicity) where we had a waiter who was from my date's home city (he judged that by his accent, I don't know). The first time the waiter came by they exchanged pleasantries, but second time my date had this crazy look in his eye and started shouting at the waiter for a couple minutes. The waiter talked back to him very quietly. They were speaking their language so I don't know what was said. The waiter continued to serve us but he looked very cross or scared the rest of the time--he wouldn't face us or look us in the eye. All my date had to say about it was, "humph, what is it with these people here?" Very awkward...
She was really hot. A legit 9. So I put up with her BS for about a year till it was too much to deal with.
bro i believe you. but you know the saying: no pain, no gain. and you put up with the pain of her crass behavior for a year's worth of "legit 9 babe" gain
i'd probably do the same, but would cook, call in delivery, or order takeout more frequently. haha
There's an old saying: "A person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't a nice person." In fact, look and see how that person treats the waiter, because in another six months that's how that person will be treating you.
In fact, it's not just waiters. Watch carefully how that person treats another person who can't really do him or her any immediate good. Best litmus test of character I know.
There's an old saying: "A person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't a nice person." In fact, look and see how that person treats the waiter, because in another six months that's how that person will be treating you.
In fact, it's not just waiters. Watch carefully how that person treats another person who can't really do him or her any immediate good. Best litmus test of character I know.
Lots of truth here.
Same thing with 'high maintenance' customers. They will be a pain in your life in short order.
I see this mentioned over and over as a test of dateworthiness -- not just in the current 'red flags' thread, but anywhere that people talk about dating. But is it a real phenomenon? Aren't even people who may otherwise be jerks on their best behaviour, at least for a first date?
Back when I was doing online dating, I went on a lot of first dates. I was rarely interested in second date, for varying other reasons, but I never saw anyone be rude to a waitress.
Has it happened to you?
Yes.
It was the worst date I've ever been on. The guy was unhinged.
It was actually a second date. The first one had been pretty promising, in terms of personality match/conversation flow, overall compatibility, even despite political and philosophical differences. The second date might has well have been with a different guy. All my friends know him as The Hairy Republican Who is Rude to Waitstaff. I actually don't even remember his name. This was in like 2005 or so.
Date one: Coffee date, very chatty, lots of personal background given. Guy mentions his company, a large telecom group, has been doing a bit of downsizing, and he actually anticipates being laid off in the next round...he says he's been given time to prepare for this, isn't worried, was considering running for municipal office, and if this happens, he will focus his efforts on that route. We talk about his interest in public service, I think this sounds admirable, etc., so on, so forth. We set date two for the next week.
Date two...I call to confirm, as we are meeting at a restaurant halfway between our respective homes, and it's pouring rain. I don't want to go out in the rain if it's not still on. He's odd on the phone, but says, yes, see you at [fill in the blank time]. I get there, and wait at the bar. And wait. And wait. I hit my "I'm waiting ten more minutes" mark, and just before it runs out, he comes in. He is a BEAR. We are seated, and he says something snarky to the server. I am polite and don't mention his lateness...he doesn't, either. He launches into how he's been laid off and doesn't know what he's going to do. Rants and raves. Server comes, he lights into her, complains about EVERYthing, from the soft drink selection on. Food comes, and he tells the server that it wasn't what he expected, that the food USED to be good here (it was delicious), that he doesn't know what happened. *****, *****, *****, the poor girl was trying to be accommodating, but he had her practically in tears. I paid for everything, instead of just my own, because I was afraid he'd stiff the poor kid on a tip. He was a dick the whole night. I never called him back/returned his calls after that.
I don't know if first date was best behavior, second date, he figured he had it in the bag, so gloves off? Or if being laid off in between the two caused a psychotic break, or what? But, dude, cancel the date if you're coming unglued. For real. He was so rude and dickish.
Yes, it happened to me. He was really condescending in the way he spoke and gestured to our waiter, as if trying to make himself look big and important by dismissing the peons. It was a total turnoff.
Liberty, I'm wondering if we dated the same guy LOL.
Had the same happen to me. His condescending tone towards the hostess should have made me end the date right there. Then he kept barking at the servers because he wasn't ready to order. It took him 30 minutes to order an appetizer and everytime they came over he yelled at them that he wasn't in a hurry. It was so embarrassing and definitely a total turnoff.
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Makes me glad I'm off the market ;)
