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He did not say that to her and I'm not sure I believe him anyway. Everything he posted there was thoughts he had after the fact. Granted, they did not discuss amounts and the issues in detail and even he admitted that he was insensitive. What is generous is a matter of opinion but I would not call him generous, I would call him average, in terms of how common people of today act and behave. I doubt they were in love anyway.
It sounds like he's trying to convince himself (and others) that he did the right thing.
You can't really teach someone how to be kind and generous. They either are or they aren't.
He certainly convinced me and many others he's generous and did the right thing. He's helping her buy a car. He's letting her stay at his house for only $300 a month...IN CALIFORNIA...one of the most expensive states in the U.S. to live in. That includes food, utilities, gas money, and he's only asking her to help out partially with the cleaning. Nowhere in the U.S. can you find yourself with such a great deal. The cheapest place I've ever found in the U.S. is living in an unfurnished bedroom in some remote house in some remote town in North Dakota for $200 a month. And even then you'd have to pay other expenses with that.
In her situation, all she'd have to do is find a part-time gig in fast food and she'd have her bills paid easily. Since she works in customer service, that wouldn't mean she'd be getting a job in a different field. That's the best living arrangements I've ever seen in this day in age.
Like I said, if she's not the definition of a gold-digger I don't know what is.
I don't understand why he wants her to move from her current residence only to do the same thing she was doing before. She should remain where she is and not bother. I also agree with not disclosing your salary with a significant other, based on personal experience because I made more he felt/feels I should pay for everything including the higher electric bill he runs up to $300 because the thermostat stayed 60 while I was at work; all the while he sits home and collects unemployment.
Coming at it from a different angle - I was once the live-in girlfriend who did not pay rent. After graduating from college, my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years encouraged me to move back to my homestate where he lived rather than seek employment across the country where my college was located and well respected. For 3 months, I kept his house clean, did his laundry, and cooked while looking for jobs. He'd often leave a stack of $20s on the counter when he left for work.
It ate me up. I felt dirty and like I was not contributing. I developed a lot of resentment because he was in this fabulous career at a world-renowned company and I was struggling to even get interviews. He could afford to support me, but it felt awful. I ended up acting out in some horrible ways while at the same time developing a serious agoraphobia. It really ate away at my self esteem to need to rely on someone else to keep a roof over my head (or at least keep me out of my parents' house). Our relationship crashed and burned. Had I been able to find a job while with him, we might be married now. Instead, we had a horrible breakup and I moved across the country for a job that underpaid - but at least I was supporting myself.
Living off of someone, especially someone who is much more successful than you, can be much more difficult than you anticipate. I now know how much it doesn't work for me. YMMV
You never did give a convincing reason why you believe her but not him.
I believe her because she came to vent and express her emotions. She wasn't really asking for advice. Plus he verified that he said everything that she said he said.
Some of the comments on that site assists the classic thought that "women want to be equal to men, except when it's convenient." I guarantee that, if the shoe was on the other foot, majority of the same posters screaming against him would call him a bum for being a freeloader. Moreover, it's disgusting that they think she should live there for free because she gives him sex.
Also, this woman sounds like she'd cheat on the guy even if he did let her live there for free.
I believe her because she came to vent and express her emotions. She wasn't really asking for advice. Plus he verified that he said everything that she said he said.
I believe her because this "very smart guy" has been dating her for two years. If she was a gold digger, the dude would have dumped her a long time ago.
Let's not pretend he is the poor victim here.
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