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Do you know people who are oversensitive? You say something and they take it the wrong way and then suddenly they either pull away or try and hold you responsible for their feelings?
Do you know people who take everything you say and make it about them? Nothing is about you. It's always about their feelings, and how what you say, do, feel impacts them.
Do you know anyone like this? How do you deal with it?
I try and be honest with people and careful about the words I use, but I can't walk on eggshells. Lately, I'm tired of worrying about how others think, feel, respond. I'm not responsible for them. I'm only responsible for me.
It all depends. In a perfect world people should be sensitive to others, as much as possible. However, I do know all about "walking on eggshells". I tend to get involved with men who are overly sensitive, and then they'd get offended because I didn't approach them in exactly the right way. I think it's a form of control on their part.
a strong sense of boundaries and over all growth as to what others should expect of me and what i should expect of others is a great treasure.
i have on the other hand seen people be mean to folks and then say hey its their problem im not responsible for their feelings.
that dont work either.
we are responsible for how we treat each other not how others feel.
Unfortunately, almost anything you say could potentially hurt someone's feelings. And if you have a tendency to be a wee bit sarcastic (that'd be my whole family ) then the potential increases drastically!!
While you are right that you can not be responsible for everyone's feelings you do have to look and see if you are in anyway ignoring an obvious likelyhood of offending someone.
That being said Hey some folks are just spoiling for a fight or looking for a reason or person to blame their problems on.
What can you do?
I just try to avoid intentionally hurting folks (lots of work when you actually enjoy sarcasm) and when folks are spoiling for a fight , I try to back off.
Hope this is helpful or atleast not completely useless, LOL.
Look up borderline personality disorder and you will find all kind of comments about "walking on eggshells." This is just a suggestion-only you will know if it applies to your situation!!
I think all of us who are sensitive can be what you're describing sometimes, Greenie. But I know what you mean about people who make it a career. What you've typed there reminds me of someone I work with. She makes everything conceivable about her and she constantly beseeches people to apologize for things that never had a thing to do with her to begin with. Very high-maintenance. I wish I had some good advice for dealing with your person. In the case of the mine, I talk to her as little as possible, since the most minor thing has the potential to be problematic. If I have to talk to her, I'm as concise as possible, and I've found myself saying things like, "And that's not about you," etc. Sorry you have to deal with someone like that.
My ex friend: One Thanksgiving she invited me to her home. When I got there, the music was on loud and the place was empty. I turned down the music and waited. She returned with her boyfriend shortly. We were drinking wine and suddenly things went haywire. She was accusing me of insane things. She said that I didn't trust her to know how to cook a turkey. (To this day, I don't know where that came from.) And then she said everything was always about me, and who was I to come in and turn down her music? It was the most exhausting Thanksgiving of my life. I tried calling her later to talk but she wouldn't return my calls. Finally I caught her on the phone and she said, "Right now, you are pushing me farther away!" Anyhow, eventually, we parted ways. Once we'd gotten past the Thanksgiving episode, her nutty behavior came back. I was relieved when she finally broke off our friendship. All she did was exhaust me. Everything I did or said turned into a group therapy session. We had to examine it, talk it over, and she wanted me to "own my part." I finally said, "Look, I can't keep taking responsibility how you feel all the time."
Earlier in our friendship, I was the best friend she ever had. Then one day, I suddenly became the worst friend she ever had. Talk about black and white. I wonder how long her marriage (she married the boyfriend) is going to last.
I never want another "friendship" like that again.
GreenMachine- I had a friend that did almost that same thing to me. We were friends for over 30 years and suddenly she started accusing me of things that were never specified, "I know what you are doing"... but no specific details of what she thought I was doing, and saying she knew what I was saying to people about her without saying what I was suppose to be saying. I was living with her at the time because she had been so sick and close to death a number of times and I moved in to see if I could help save my friends life.
Soon as she got well, she turned on me with a vengence. I made her mad just because I got out of bed in the morning. If I got a phone call, she KNEW it was so I could talk about her and she knew what I was telling people.. She would tell me things, a problem she was having and when I would ask her a few days later if she had worked it out, she would deny she said anything like that to me. I never did figure out what happened and really don't care anymore. I could never trust her again and wouldn't put myself in the postion to be treated like that again.
Fast forward about 5 years and a new friend.. He started the same thing and I told him real quick that if HE had a problem, it was HIS problem and I would not accept being treated like that by NOBODY...EVER again! End of story.
GreenMachine- I had a friend that did almost that same thing to me. We were friends for over 30 years and suddenly she started accusing me of things that were never specified, "I know what you are doing"... but no specific details of what she thought I was doing, and saying she knew what I was saying to people about her without saying what I was suppose to be saying. I was living with her at the time because she had been so sick and close to death a number of times and I moved in to see if I could help save my friends life.
Soon as she got well, she turned on me with a vengence. I made her mad just because I got out of bed in the morning. If I got a phone call, she KNEW it was so I could talk about her and she knew what I was telling people.. She would tell me things, a problem she was having and when I would ask her a few days later if she had worked it out, she would deny she said anything like that to me. I never did figure out what happened and really don't care anymore. I could never trust her again and wouldn't put myself in the postion to be treated like that again.
Fast forward about 5 years and a new friend.. He started the same thing and I told him real quick that if HE had a problem, it was HIS problem and I would not accept being treated like that by NOBODY...EVER again! End of story.
Glad you two have made it out of those friendships.
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) then the potential increases drastically!!
No Tolerance for Bad Behaviors Anymore!!
