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I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I am in love with him, he says he's in love with me; since the beginning he wanted to start talking about having a future with me, I was nearly scared away. We're living together, we want this to work...... BUT he is still sharing his 2 dogs he got with his ex-fiance from 3 years ago. I am NOT ok with this!! I have made this EXTREMELY clear, that if this doesn't change, that it will cause detrimental problems to our relationship; that was 9 months ago; 6 months ago I told him this might lead to the end of our relationship if he can't find a solution..... 3 months ago I told him I was going to leave him; he kept needing more time. The other day he sat down on the couch and calmly said he was just going to go bring the dogs over to her and the truck(that they are also co-sharing) and he'd be back in 20 minutes; he said it as if we had never had a thousand horrible fights about this exact issue; ones that almost ended our relationship..... I am now going to leave him. I'm moving out in a few days; he's begging me to stay.
This is so ridiculous; I'm exhausted. I don't want to leave him, but I feel SO sick inside and disrespected to a point where, I really don't know if I can trust him anymore.
I'm so devastated..... but I think, if I respect myself, I have to go, right??
I have to draw a boundary; are we going to get married and plan our lives together and have his ex come over every few weeks to pick up the dogs??! I mean, seriously, this is ridiculous you guys, what the hell should I do? I'm SO confused!!
I think he thinks you are blowing smoke because you have yet to follow through on your threat to leave.
You either need to accept the situation as it is or move on, it is that simple.
Obviously there is an emotional connection and could be a legal connection with him, the ex girlfriend, the vehicle and the dogs.
You cannot expect someone to give up their animal just because you demand it.
Also, it appears the situation has been like this since you first started dating I see no reason for you to be upset now.
There is also nothing to be confused about, you have told him you are not happy with things as they are, he has not changed things.
Which do you think is more important to him remaining in his life?
I think he should dump you for being so ridiculous. You just came into his life a year ago and already want him to completely detach emotionally from his pets that he has had/known much longer. Personally, i dont own a dog because of my busy schedule but if i met a woman that gave me an ultimatum as you are doing to this man that isnt CHEATING on you OR DISRESPECTING you OR CONTROLLING, I'd get rid of her.
And the car is clearly something that was a joint investment. You could encourage him to sell but making demands like you described in the OP is disgusting and says more about YOUR insecurities.
People attached to their pets "this much" are not capable of being in a strong human relationship because they always place the human one at the second rung.
A "grown" man sharing "dogs" with an ex is completely lame and ridiculous. It's like doing child support. You will never be able to connect with the man like the connection he has with the other woman.
I think he should dump you for being so ridiculous. You just came into his life a year ago and already want him to completely detach emotionally from his pets that he has had/known much longer. Personally, i dont own a dog because of my busy schedule but if i met a woman that gave me an ultimatum as you are doing to this man that isnt CHEATING on you OR DISRESPECTING you OR CONTROLLING, I'd get rid of her.
And the car is clearly something that was a joint investment. You could encourage him to sell but making demands like you described in the OP is disgusting and says more about YOUR insecurities.
i say do him a favor and leave...nonsense
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
I don't get why people move in together and do all sorts of married folks stuff without being married.
Both of these. You sound like an immature control freak. An ultimatum over a dog he had the whole time ... and you haven't even been together a year. He should flee your nonsense.
My only advice is don't try to change a man. He had this arrangement before you two were an item and you knew about it. Don't expect him to drop it just because of you.
Besides, looking at it from his point of view, you are asking him to choose between dogs (that love him unconditionally) and you (and you are putting conditions on your love--namely the condition of "lose the dogs").
Either accept that the dogs are part of his life and that won't change... or move on.
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